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Reviving a classic thread

Gunnerz ParadiZe pt. II: Hard Times Ed.
Whatsa gonna be? What it ain't gonna be? Young gunnaz are always asking me, biz, what's the toughest part about law school? And I tell em, its the hard time dawg. The countless hours spent locked down, flipping through dusty books, missing yr life on the outside, wondering about yr girl, your moms, the ones u left behind. I dedicate this tape to all the gunnaz in the struggle, locked up in the law library. 1 luv.

1. Beanie siegel, what your life like. OLs be curious about the goings on in LS. Where do y'all party? Will I get laid? Nah, we don't and you won't. If you really wanna know pop this tape. Two months in you'll be washing your toothbrush in the toilet and hoping there's not a riot when the civ pro E&E goes missing. Protip: use the ramen spice pack u cop at the commisary to dress up those sawdust boars head sandwhiches they slang at the coffee nook. Alt: mobb deep, up north trip.

2. Ice T, the tower. One of the KEY things to do during orientation is establish yrseld as the gunnerz gunna. U don't give a fuck. Prove this to yr classmates by taking copiuous notes and questioning the credentials of random adminstrative staff. If some else talks, go buck! Get that hand in da air, with a "what my colleague seems not to realize" and a lil giggle. Trust me, its the only way to get respect.

3. Fat boys, jailhouse rap. The dude goes upstate for robbing a pizza parlor cause he's sooo hungry. He stuffs himself and passes out on a pie. This is a good metaphor for why yourr willing to waste yr 20s inside, you greedy bastard.

4.Papoose, law library."the law is deadly, get yr mind ready, you could be out in january"... of 2014. Self explanatory.

5. Nas, 1 luv. Maybe the worst thing abt. yr bid at a county TTT is getting news from the outside. "Out in ny the same shit is going on"---oh and btw., I've been seeing yr ex, hope you don't mind. Whatever. Tis nothing u can do. Point is, the world keeps spinning around when your doi8ng yr time. Things change, people change. The only thing to do about it is keep working that habeas appeal note for law review, and try not too hard to reminscince...I've even heard stories abt. gunnaz getting out, graduating, and not being able to adapt to the outside world. They enroll in humanities phd programs just for the comfor of being institutionalized. Alt: Group home, suspended in time.

Bonus track: X-raided deuce 5 to life. This was actually recorded in jail, sort of like turow writing OL from the tru gunnaz POV.

Well that's it y'all. Just five tracks, but you can spin them over and over, cause what the hell else is there to do on the inside? Stay tuned for Pt. III!

Wow. Nice work. Having worked at an agency doing capital crime work and having recently visited the prison where death row and other higher security inmates are housed I can attest to the validity of some of these comparisons.

Going to another phd program cus of being institutionalized and the ramen tip were my personal favorites.

Gunnerz Paradize Pt. IV: The Eminem Factor

What it do? Back in '99, when I was just a yungblood pwning 8th grade civics and getting mad azz off the strength of my hall-monitor detail, if you had asked me what E&E stands for, I would have probably thought you were referring to Eminem. Marshall Mathers is an inspiration to all tru gunnaz. He is skinny and weird looking and was bullied a lot. But by being obnoxious and good with words, he has made it to the top of the game...some might even say, GOAT status. Whether you're prepping for exams or picking out the best blaza for ASWs, bump this mix for sum inspiration.

1. My name is...? Side 1, track 1 of the discography is all about first impressions. I talked about orientation strategies a lil in the Hard Timez tape, but u got2 take it even further back, to when your first visiting LS...it's an exciting time, because you'll get to meet a lot of new people who aren't yet acquainted with your skillz. Just the other in property, twas a super compelling lecture about appurtenant easements, and this prospective in the backrow raises up like a flag pole---unprompted, Kingsley aint even asked a question. Spoke for a solid minute and a half. Course what he said didn't make any damn sense at all (he kept calling the dominant estate owner a "renter" lololol), but I still had to give him props. He had that fire. After class I stopped him in the hallz and gave him one of the cards I got myself made at Kinko's. He looked me in the eyes and said "Hi, my name is..." and I said "you gonna rise under me, son."

2. Seduction. Course the other great thing about visiting schools is sizing up the so-called " " competition" " quote-unquote (it is hard to overemphasize the sarcasm I feel as I type these words). "I feel like I'm morphin into something so incredible I'm dwarfing all competition..." This track is about stealing some bros' slam piece, but to me aint no lady flyer than the A+. This is specially true since my bitch ex-GF broke my heart in 2, y'all. Which brings us to...

3. Kim (Alt: the one where he ties his wife up and throws her into the river with his daughter in the front seat.) Justice Storey: "The law is a jealous mistress and requires a long and constant courtship.":: Eminem: "Kim! Kim! Why don't you like me? Am I ugly?"Now I'm not condoning domestic violence (in fact Im doing an RA thing for a prof. teaching this exclusive 1 cred. seminar on that very topic, this is on top of my SEC internship, NBD). But if you ever start feeling lost/confused with the material, like the law is disrepscting yr manhood, just do as E does...fantasize about murdering lady justice's disloyal ass. Btw., I dunno really what J. Storez prob. was; guess his game wasn't tight enough to get lady law to give him brainz on date 1. Specially since she's blind so u imagine she must have had low standards. [Btw. making these kinds of jokes during office hours is a GREAT way to get on kingsley's good side; feel free to plagiarize.]

4. Without Me. Breaks, specially that long Xmas break, can be tough on a gunnaz spirit. It's really hard to find things to do to fill that time; there's only so many games of solitaire a dawg can play. Your momz gets tired of dropping u off at the mall, and starts to ask for help around the house. Your girlfriend is in Canada/doesn't exist, and all the skinz in your hometown are sooo ignorant its hard to talk to them. Advice: Go back through the supplementz for spring classes a few more times, cased u missed something...But that's why it's so a relief to get back into dem hallz. You got that bop to your walk, you give yr. classmates the stare from the yard, it's great...It also seems like people's guards are down in the first few weeks back and u almost feel like Pierson sniping. Alt: Forgot about Dre.

5. 3 am. Shit gets 4 real in the library late at night...

6. Lose yourself. Damn, moot-court semis. Top five evenings of my life, hand's down. Don't even remember my " "competition" " . Don't even remember which cardigan I was wearing. I do remember the judges. One of 'em is sum Kingsley emiratus. One of ems a magistrate judge. The other is an OG gunna 3L who I would literally take a C- for. The topic: Obamacare. As I stared into the little red light of the minicam recording---me---for the local public access station, I thought, Damn. Just that, damn. All of a sudden, my whole argument slipz out of my head. I can't even remember the honorifics for the judges. I'm choking now, they're joking now. Then I thought, this world is mine for the taking. Make me king. And I crushed that shit. I can't believe that was already like 3 weeks ago.

7. Not Afraid. Hip hop heads are divided over newer Em. Some say he fell off. Some say he still got it. Honestly, I'm in the former camp. It's like he gunned hard in the fall, did well, and decided to take it easy, then come finals he forgot how da game worked...still u got to respect the man for trying. It's like seeing jobless 2Ls showing up to skool in suitz in late March, desperately seeking...ne thing...the best part about this track is it's ironic how his voice quavers in the chorus, like he really IS pretty scared. That's the same emotion I see in dem 2ls eyes.

8. Just Don't Give a Fuck. Scenario: it's crunchtime, just a couple weeks before exams. Some airhead who always screws up the Erie analysis when she be coldcalled approaches you in the biblioteca. Hey, can I borrow your outline...you always seem well prepared? I'm really worried about that test (she calls it a test, like it's spelling class). Whatta you tell her?


9. The Way I Am. Haters always ask, What is it makes us gunnaz tick? Is it the drive for $$ and prestige? Inferiority complexes? Asperberger's syndrome? Maybe...but it's something deeper, too. I want y'all to recognize, being a gunna is NOT confined to LS. It's a way of life. And you're gonna find gunnaz in every walk of life. Oprah. Optimus Prime. 2-Pac. All tru gunnaz. Also, all objects of scorn by less succesful non-gunnaz..."Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit I'll buy a wardrobe and smile in the courtroom. I don't mean to be mean but it's all I can be is be me...and I Am. Whatever. You say. I Am." What makes biz a gunna? It's just the way I am.

Stay Tuned for Part V!