2L: OCD & Depression, Considering Dropping Out Forum

[TTT_Student_1L]

I'm a 2L at a TTT and have made good grades so far, top 5%, but I am absolutely miserable. I intern at the PD's office and love doing it, but law school drains me more than anything I ever thought possible. I've always suffered from anxiety issues and the stress of law school has caused serious strain and possible divorce between my wife and I and I honestly feel as if I cannot do it anymore. I am on a full scholarship so I have very limited debt from this experience. I am also harboring really negative thoughts towards my school because I feel as if it is almost a scam because I know so many people >200K in debt that did nothing last summer, can't find anything this summer, and yet are still told by the school about all these job options. I don't necessarily think I'm better then them, but I've busted my ass making connections in the field I want, criminal law, and have a few semi-formal job offers lined up although they are very low pay.

It has never been so hard to get out of bed each morning and just make it through each day. My mind is racing constantly and I haven't had a full "relaxed" moment since school started. I've been seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and it is helping but I am still absolutely miserable and cannot keep up or focused on school this semester. I am not suicidal, but its hard not to think how nice it would be to just never wake up to have to deal with all of my stress. I knew law school was bad, but it is just absolutely soul draining for me and I cannot believe how low I have sunk. I should have gotten help sooner but I'm afraid it may be too late now for my marriage and law school career.

I don't want to make an irrational decision, but I honestly cannot keep this up. I'm tired 24/7 and want to just sleep, but I can't sleep. I feel like I can't control my anxiety and worries anymore and it is scaring me that I have gotten to the point where I can't even control my mind. I'm just struggling to stay afloat and not sure where to go or what to do.

[sighsigh]

Sounds serious. But you'll only be in law school a little while longer. Meanwhile, you love the work experience, which is the important part because it's [hopefully] what you'll be doing in the long-term when you graduate. I would be wary about dropping out since it seems like you're in a jackpot position: job offers, good experience, you love the work, great grades, and no debt.

Instead of completely dropping out, I would look into taking some time off. Or maybe going part-time? Just make sure to keep your scholly.

Oh, and about your TTT: it absolutely is a scam.

[PepperJack]

Anything involving hard work, competition, debt, etc where long term rewards aren't clear is miserable. I think you should get friends and find things you like doing. Everyone is miserable so you're not alone.

[Hutz_and_Goodman]

OP: go to campus health center and set up an appointment with a therapist/psychologist. It will help you a lot.

It sounds like you are in a great position in that you are more than halfway done with law school, have no educational debt, have great grades, and are likely to have a job at graduation. You should not drop out under any circumstances. I think everyone feels that law school is draining for a lot of reasons, and part of it is that so many people are screwed by debt and bad job prospects, and many of them are probably making a mistake by not dropping out.

Feel free to reach out to me by PM if you want to talk.

[worldtraveler]

Could you talk to your school about a leave of absence?

And as much as it sucks for other people that they're strugging, it's harsh but that's not your problem. Focus on you and your family.

[PepperJack]

Not a shrink, but it sounds like OP's neurotransmissions are out of sync. It seems like OP's hand has only improved since law school, but they are suddenly focusing on other people's misfortunes. This might suggest that OP isn't producing enough serotonin, and justifying their unhappiness based on random sad shit. Just see a shrink and try to get superinspired for a month.

[Tiago Splitter]

Have you overextended yourself with too many extracurriculars? The internship may be taking a lot of your time, but it sounds as if that's not the problem. From the sounds of it, you like the practice of law more than the study of it, so I'd keep the amount of time you spend at law school to the absolute minimum. Someone who has done as well as you shouldn't need to spend much time studying or even attending class in order to maintain good grades.

[A. Nony Mouse]

I love the people suggesting OP see a shrink when OP clearly indicated they already are.

OP, any advice I'd have about how to feel better about law school would be groundless compared to advice from your medical providers. But I do agree that it sounds like if you can just get through a little more than one more year, you'll be much happier - liking practice while hating law school is, in the long run, much better than the other way around. Also, it sounds to me as though if your grades slipped a little, it wouldn't hurt you at this point. So I agree with minimizing your time at school?

[Pulsar]

I'm also skeptical of dropping out if you actually like the working part of it, but reducing the time you spend on school and school-related activities each day would probably be a good idea if you can manage it.* Your marriage is more important than how you do on your next exam. There's definitely also diminishing returns to working yourself to death. Happier people probably perform better on exams all else equal.

I'd also schedule yourself a relaxing vacation (maybe not a fancy or expensive vacation, but a relaxing one) if you have a free week open this summer. It would be good to give yourself something to look forward to, and you've probably earned it.

*I'll admit this is hard when you've trained yourself to perform and stress about every detail. I don't think I've been as down as you describe feeling, but this past quarter was definitely rough for awhile. But I just accepted that I had to do the best I could with the time I had and found some friends to keep me company while studying. That brought me a little peace at the end. No idea if my grades will be as good this go-round, but you have to have priorities and sometimes work shouldn't be one of them.