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Please delete

Dude submit the app already; its late July.

Jesus. This is more like a "stroke my own ego statement" instead of a "personal statement." If I were in admissions, I would probably deny you instantly. Seriously, there's no need to mention your "impressive" accolades to such an extent. For example, your multiple Dean's Lists, percentage rank in the class, CALI awards, etc. Yawn. Your resume can and should communicate all of that info. A personal statement is meant to give the reader a glimpse into something PERSONAL, not something that can be gleaned from casually looking at a resume for two seconds.

I also found it off-putting how you word things in the extreme. For example:

derner12 wrote:Any comments/feedback welcome:


[/b][/u] Throughout my life, I have continuously sought out both physical and intellectual challenges. Growing up, I enjoyed doing anything which required me to push my limits: playing sports, getting my paralegal certificate, and starting a business—all before age 20. My latest challenge has been tackling law school, where I strive to push myself to new heights of achievement in the only industry which I find challenging and rewarding enough to satisfy my appetite for achievement. I see the legal industry as a mountain, and I intend to climb it. My goal is to be a competent and ethical attorney, drawing upon the lessons I am learning in law school as well as my six years of paralegal experience. I look forward to challenging myself by competing within the legal industry as a fierce advocate with a strong moral character. I know that above all else, obtaining an excellent legal education is the key to becoming an effective attorney. To that end, I wholeheartedly believe that transferring to the [DESIRED TRANSFER SCHOOL], will leave me well-equipped to tackle every challenge I will face as a practicing attorney. Returning to [HOMETOWN, ALSO WHERE DESIRED SCHOOL IS LOCATED], close to my family and friends, will best position me to serve the community that I love.

(even from the first two lines you're stroking your ego--"all before age 20." Pfffft. Please.)

How is law the "only" industry you find challenging and rewarding? How could you possibly know this? You mention in the statement that you spent 6 years as a paralegal. Have you even tried out other industries? And how can you know that the legal field in general is "challenging" and "rewarding"? You're in law school.

That sounds almost as ridiculous as a secretary at a specialty care clinic saying "I want to work in the medical field because it's the only field where you can help people."

If you have to praise yourself, I recommend doing it more subtly. By that I mean writing a more compelling narrative where you can weave your accolades into the story instead of laundry-listing meaningless cutoffs and awards.

I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Was there feedback somewhere in that comment?

derner12 wrote:I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Wait, you are writing a personal statement for next cycle? Just chill out man.

RaceJudicata wrote:

derner12 wrote:I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Wait, you are writing a personal statement for next cycle? Just chill out man.

Yeah, this too. Lol at writing a PS a year in advance.

RaceJudicata wrote:

derner12 wrote:I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Wait, you are writing a personal statement for next cycle? Just chill out man.

Yes, for spring--not fall. This is a first draft; I know it still needs a lot of work. I work full time and school's starting soon so I want to get ahead on this so it doesn't fall through the cracks.

acr wrote:

RaceJudicata wrote:

derner12 wrote:I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Wait, you are writing a personal statement for next cycle? Just chill out man.

Yeah, this too. Lol at writing a PS a year in advance.

5 months in advance, actually.

I'd try to tell a story that subtly weaves in all of these strengths you wrote about without bashing you over the head with it. This reads like a laundry list of your accomplishments that could easily be gathered from your resume as someone before me mentioned. Also, I'd look at what programs or possible courses in your desired practice area your target school offers. One or two sentences about that may make your desire to transfer more compelling and they'll see you did your homework.

Gunner19 wrote:I'd try to tell a story that subtly weaves in all of these strengths you wrote about without bashing you over the head with it. This reads like a laundry list of your accomplishments that could easily be gathered from your resume as someone before me mentioned. Also, I'd look at what programs or possible courses in your desired practice area your target school offers. One or two sentences about that may make your desire to transfer more compelling and they'll see you did your homework.

Yes-the school I want to transfer into has a specific prof that I'd really like to meet/take classes with. Just was not sure if that'd be too much flattery. I honestly have read some of his books and know about his work though, so in that regard it'd be honest/genuine.

derner12 wrote:

acr wrote:

RaceJudicata wrote:

derner12 wrote:I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Wait, you are writing a personal statement for next cycle? Just chill out man.

Yeah, this too. Lol at writing a PS a year in advance.

5 months in advance, actually.

What schools accept spring transfers? Any school that accepts spring transfers probably won't read the PS to begin with because their transfer process is a money grab and is unlikely to meaningfully improve your job prospects. If its for geographic reasons, fine.

RaceJudicata wrote:

derner12 wrote:

acr wrote:

RaceJudicata wrote:

derner12 wrote:I am doing the part-time program at my current school & won't be transferring until Spring 2018.

Wait, you are writing a personal statement for next cycle? Just chill out man.

Yeah, this too. Lol at writing a PS a year in advance.

5 months in advance, actually.

What schools accept spring transfers? Any school that accepts spring transfers probably won't read the PS to begin with because their transfer process is a money grab and is unlikely to meaningfully improve your job prospects. If its for geographic reasons, fine.

UT Austin. I am currently at UH (Houston) and my SO got a promotion that will require her (us) to move. It is pretty atypical/uncommon to transfer in the spring I think because even the associate dean I met with at UT had no idea they even took transfers anytime except the fall.

I don't know about others, but I stopped reading after this "the only industry which I find challenging and rewarding enough to satisfy my appetite for achievement"

Sorry to be blunt, that statement just sounds wrong on multiple levels. Only industry? Appetite for achievement? ...

mimimimi wrote:I don't know about others, but I stopped reading after this "the only industry which I find challenging and rewarding enough to satisfy my appetite for achievement"

Sorry to be blunt, that statement just sounds wrong on multiple levels. Only industry? Appetite for achievement? ...

Thanks for your help.

This personal statement is very hollow and shallow. It needs personality. The only thing I took from this is that you have no idea what you want to do but you think you'll be great