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There is some major feminist jurisprudence going on in this thread. ::flees::

A'nold wrote:

Pearalegal wrote:
I'm not arguing each person's setup. Its not my place, and who the fuck can tell someone else whats best based on their personal experiences. Parents, workaholics or classroom-parents, can really screw up or they can be wonderful. Whatever.

My problem is with someone like that Jack person making a statement that "as a mom, biglaw isn't really an option." If you feel that way generally about parenting...why just single out a Mom and not simply, "parent."

I'm all for people doing what they want, as long as they don't hurt others on the way. I'm kinda like traditional nuisance law in that sense.

Haha, well I obviously agree. I think however parents (or parent) make things work in whatever way is healthy for the child is just fine by me. I just don't approve of blanket statements on parenting and careers based on gender. It's not right. Whatever a couple decides is their own business.

Pearalegal wrote:

A'nold wrote:

Pearalegal wrote:
I'm not arguing each person's setup. Its not my place, and who the fuck can tell someone else whats best based on their personal experiences. Parents, workaholics or classroom-parents, can really screw up or they can be wonderful. Whatever.

My problem is with someone like that Jack person making a statement that "as a mom, biglaw isn't really an option." If you feel that way generally about parenting...why just single out a Mom and not simply, "parent."

I'm all for people doing what they want, as long as they don't hurt others on the way. I'm kinda like traditional nuisance law in that sense.

Haha, well I obviously agree. I think however parents (or parent) make things work in whatever way is healthy for the child is just fine by me. I just don't approve of blanket statements on parenting and careers based on gender. It's not right. Whatever a couple decides is their own business.

Agreed. There could be two workaholic parents that raise the best children and couch potato welfare moms that raise gang members. It's all relative.

A'nold wrote:

Pearalegal wrote: Haha, well I obviously agree. I think however parents (or parent) make things work in whatever way is healthy for the child is just fine by me. I just don't approve of blanket statements on parenting and careers based on gender. It's not right. Whatever a couple decides is their own business.

Agreed. There could be two workaholic parents that raise the best children and couch potato welfare moms that raise gang members. It's all relative.

Personally, I will never have kids until I can devote the time and energy to them that my father devoted to me. Call me old fashioned, but there was nothing better than looking in the stands (or a lot of years, the dugout) and seeing my dad. That man has sacrificed promotions, money, time, and probably his wits to make sure that I am where I am today. The workaholics who let their kids be raised by strangers really disgust me. I don't care what the setup is, but somebody needs to devote some attention to the kids.

romothesavior wrote:

A'nold wrote:

Pearalegal wrote: Haha, well I obviously agree. I think however parents (or parent) make things work in whatever way is healthy for the child is just fine by me. I just don't approve of blanket statements on parenting and careers based on gender. It's not right. Whatever a couple decides is their own business.

Agreed. There could be two workaholic parents that raise the best children and couch potato welfare moms that raise gang members. It's all relative.

Personally, I will never have kids until I can devote the time and energy to them that my father devoted to me. Call me old fashioned, but there was nothing better than looking in the stands (or a lot of years, the dugout) and seeing my dad. That man has sacrificed promotions, money, time, and probably his wits to make sure that I am where I am today. The workaholics who let their kids be raised by strangers really disgust me. I don't care what the setup is, but somebody needs to devote some attention to the kids.

Something Rayiner said once really made me think. He talked about how his dad worked like 70+ hour weeks but he never felt abandoned b/c his dad spent all of his free time with the family. I will say that only seeing my baby girl for like a half hour tonight made me sad.

Agreed. Both my parents worked insane hours and my Mom was the breadwinner so she often had to sacrifice family time the most. However, you can bet whenever either parent had free time, it was with me. I never went without a parent (usually had both) for soccer games and dance recitals, and if one parent couldn't make it, they always made sure I knew they wished they could have been there. Yes, I had a good deal of babysitters but hey...that was just another way my parents took care of me.

So many different ways to be good parents.

Pearalegal wrote:Agreed. Both my parents worked insane hours and my Mom was the breadwinner so she often had to sacrifice family time the most. However, you can bet whenever either parent had free time, it was with me. I never went without a parent (usually had both) for soccer games and dance recitals, and if one parent couldn't make it, they always made sure I knew they wished they could have been there. Yes, I had a good deal of babysitters but hey...that was just another way my parents took care of me.

So many different ways to be good parents.

This is true. The phrase "quality time" is not as cliche as it seems.

.

romothesavior wrote:

A'nold wrote:

Pearalegal wrote: Haha, well I obviously agree. I think however parents (or parent) make things work in whatever way is healthy for the child is just fine by me. I just don't approve of blanket statements on parenting and careers based on gender. It's not right. Whatever a couple decides is their own business.

Agreed. There could be two workaholic parents that raise the best children and couch potato welfare moms that raise gang members. It's all relative.

Personally, I will never have kids until I can devote the time and energy to them that my father devoted to me. Call me old fashioned, but there was nothing better than looking in the stands (or a lot of years, the dugout) and seeing my dad. That man has sacrificed promotions, money, time, and probably his wits to make sure that I am where I am today. The workaholics who let their kids be raised by strangers really disgust me. I don't care what the setup is, but somebody needs to devote some attention to the kids.

+1 you said what i could not.

amyLAchemist wrote:

A'nold wrote:

Pearalegal wrote:Agreed. Both my parents worked insane hours and my Mom was the breadwinner so she often had to sacrifice family time the most. However, you can bet whenever either parent had free time, it was with me. I never went without a parent (usually had both) for soccer games and dance recitals, and if one parent couldn't make it, they always made sure I knew they wished they could have been there. Yes, I had a good deal of babysitters but hey...that was just another way my parents took care of me.

So many different ways to be good parents.

This is true. The phrase "quality time" is not as cliche as it seems.

Yuppers. My dad worked 80-100 hour weeks consistently while I was growing up. He was a single parent. I never ever felt abandoned because he did a lot of stuff with me on weekends. It's not a "traditional" childhood, but meh. I was a happy kid and turned out fine. I feel like I matured a ton faster, because I spent a lot of time alone and kinda had to figure out how to do things on my own.

I only saw my dad on the weekends growing up. He worked night shifts. I went to bed before he got home, and was still sleeping when I left for school. I didn't feel neglected at all. I saw him every weekend, went on a lot of trips with him. People do what they need to do to provide for families. Sometimes that means not spending every moment with them.

I think people far overestimate the amount of time you NEED to spend with kids. Every family is different, and some people have very close relationships with well adjusted children without spending a whole lot of time together. I don't understand the need to judge people based on how they do or do not raise their children. My mom was a teacher and used to be home with us all summer and I'd go crazy because I wanted time by myself.

Culture also plays a big role in this. When I taught in Korea, some kids spent 12 hour days at school and lessons and rarely spent time with their family. They wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know if I'd want that, but I never thought it was my place to look down on it. Some of those kids were maladjusted weirdos, but the majority were just extremely hard working smart kids who were also really independent.

I also probably have a different perspective because I moved out to live with a friend at 16 because I wanted to go to a more challenging high school and I couldn't do that where my parents lived. I think kids are far more independent, or at least can be more independent, than people give them credit for. Sometimes I think it's parents who need the time with kids more so than kids need time with parents.

I was faced with substantial financial motivation to do the DC/Baltimore commute for law school. My personal opinion is that a commute like that puts you in a position to do much worse than you could.

rockstar4488 wrote:I was faced with substantial financial motivation to do the DC/Baltimore commute for law school. My personal opinion is that a commute like that puts you in a position to do much worse than you could.

thank you so much. that is truly helpful advice.

As for the rest if and when you have children you can start to have judgments and opinions about working mothers.