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This is probably neurotic, but is there a best practice or order for letting the firm know your wife is expecting? She just cleared the first trimester, so I know now or soon is the time to let folks know.

The neurotic part is that I had a bad billing year, and our fiscal year ends this month. So I’m just worried about how the news will come off, especially since I may have to take a substantial leave as the primary. Would it be better to wait to let folks know until after I’ve had a conversation about hours or before, if it really matters at all?

I was planning to just let people know casually during lunches etc, but is it better to send a group email, or contact HR first?

I don't think there's any requirement beyond whatever is in the manual if there is one. A month or two advance notice that you're going to be on leave. Use your best judgment beyond that.

Cf. Michael Scott in The Office.

"I ... declare ... PREGNANCYYYYY!"

Have her give birth in the middle of a meeting. You'll be a legend.

You don't have to let people know now if you're not comfortable with it. I have seen both men and women tell people at work anywhere from shortly after they found out they were pregnant to a month before the baby's arrival (obviously trickier for women to keep it to themselves after a certain point, but not impossible with hybrid work if you are a woman who doesn't show early). If you plan on taking leave, you obviously need to let people know at some point so they can arrange coverage, but I would think a two month lead time would be more than sufficient for that.

Do it now. In the unlikely event they're planning to push you out over low hours, they won't do that after you announce you're taking parental leave.

I would just let people know casually. A group email would be strange (but maybe not if everyone is still remote).

hdr wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 31, 2022 12:46 pm

Do it now. In the unlikely event they're planning to push you out over low hours, they won't do that after you announce you're taking parental leave.

I would just let people know casually. A group email would be strange (but maybe not if everyone is still remote).

This sounds like very bad advice

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 31, 2022 12:55 pm

hdr wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 31, 2022 12:46 pm

Do it now. In the unlikely event they're planning to push you out over low hours, they won't do that after you announce you're taking parental leave.

I would just let people know casually. A group email would be strange (but maybe not if everyone is still remote).

This sounds like very bad advice

Right? Maybe that advice sounds right for when you tell HR so you have a record of it, but not for anybody else.

Tell HR now. Then I would tell partners you have deals/cases with that might be going on while you’re out approximately 60 days before the due date via individual phone calls to make sure they start thinking about coverage. Maybe email to practice group leader and office managing partner. Then tell your peers casually as you feel comfortable but they will be the one covering for you so a decent heads up would be appreciated. No group email.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 31, 2022 11:44 pm

Tell HR now. Then I would tell partners you have deals/cases with that might be going on while you’re out approximately 60 days before the due date via individual phone calls to make sure they start thinking about coverage. Maybe email to practice group leader and office managing partner. Then tell your peers casually as you feel comfortable but they will be the one covering for you so a decent heads up would be appreciated. No group email.

I agree with this advice, as someone who went through this just a year ago.

How chatty/gossipy is your office? Because while yes, you don't need to formally tell everyone at once, if you work with the type of people who chat with each other and who could be offended if they don't hear it from you (I have worked with people like this!) then I would recommend that when you tell people (other than HR) that you ask them not to say anything to anyone until you tell the partners. I've seen people get bent out of shape over hearing about pregnancies through the grapevine, so if there are folks you don't trust to keep it quiet and let you tell partners etc. when you're ready, don't tell them. But of course maybe you work with normal people who don't get mad if they aren't first on your list of people to tell....

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 31, 2022 11:44 pm

Tell HR now. Then I would tell partners you have deals/cases with that might be going on while you’re out approximately 60 days before the due date via individual phone calls to make sure they start thinking about coverage. Maybe email to practice group leader and office managing partner. Then tell your peers casually as you feel comfortable but they will be the one covering for you so a decent heads up would be appreciated. No group email.

what's the advantage of telling HR now other than giving the firm more notice?

jotarokujo wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 01, 2022 1:47 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 31, 2022 11:44 pm

Tell HR now. Then I would tell partners you have deals/cases with that might be going on while you’re out approximately 60 days before the due date via individual phone calls to make sure they start thinking about coverage. Maybe email to practice group leader and office managing partner. Then tell your peers casually as you feel comfortable but they will be the one covering for you so a decent heads up would be appreciated. No group email.

what's the advantage of telling HR now other than giving the firm more notice?

Documenting anything that someone could mistreat you for with HR before you share elsewhere is always a best practice. Plus, they can help you figure out how to proceed.

Remember also that HR doesn't care about you and that goes both ways. They work for the firm not you. But they also don't care about your hours so they're not going to accelerate your departure bc of this.

If you're seriously concerned about your position you should notify HR, last out the next 6 months, then take the max parental leave and use the time to lateral.

Surprise gender reveal party in the firm conference room with fireworks and/or a cannon.

Do not casually just tell people. Announce early and through email. If they fire you before you formally announce, it would make proving a discrimination claim a whole lot more complicated.