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I have an unusual name and people have misspelled it and/or mispronounced it my whole life, including some people who I generally consider wonderful, thoughtful people. Misspelling my name would not be what would lead me to avoid someone -- in fact it would be pretty far down on my list -- I would try to avoid them because they are generally rude in every way.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:00 pmTitle says it all. I know I don't have the easiest name, but everybody else I worked with managed to spell my name right (senior associates, partners, counterparties etc.). This partner is also generally rude in every way. We have a assignment system for work. Is there a good way to avoid this partner for future work? I am not sure if it is a good idea to just tell the staffer straight up.
It is kind of a big deal when you have to deal with it every single day. It also can be awkward when you're in a meeting or a large group and have to constantly correct the way your name is pronounced. Point is you shouldn't be concerned about the complaint sounding tedious or frivolous. It's a valid frustration.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:16 pmRelated to this: any tips on how to politely correct a mispronunciation of your name if you've already corrected the partner once or twice already?
My name is not TOO hard to pronounce, but it can be a little tricky. Most associates get it right after asking once. I've now been working on a team for a few weeks and certain people keep saying it wrong, but it's weird to stop a conversation or meeting where we're discussing stuff and just blurt out that my name was mispronounced in a passing reference to certain task assignments or whatever. I don't want to make it sound like a big deal but it is annoying.
Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:26 pmIt is kind of a big deal when you have to deal with it every single day. It also can be awkward when you're in a meeting or a large group and have to constantly correct the way your name is pronounced. Point is you shouldn't be concerned about the complaint sounding tedious or frivolous. It's a valid frustration.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:16 pmRelated to this: any tips on how to politely correct a mispronunciation of your name if you've already corrected the partner once or twice already?
My name is not TOO hard to pronounce, but it can be a little tricky. Most associates get it right after asking once. I've now been working on a team for a few weeks and certain people keep saying it wrong, but it's weird to stop a conversation or meeting where we're discussing stuff and just blurt out that my name was mispronounced in a passing reference to certain task assignments or whatever. I don't want to make it sound like a big deal but it is annoying.
I've had a similar concern based on the incorrect pronunciation of my name throughout my life. Especially in former jobs. I'm a 2L now and have asked big law attorneys I trust the same question. One of them recommended that if you use a nickname in your personal life, and it's appropriate and easier to pronounce, you might choose to go by that name. They pointed out that it has made their life easier, especially in dealing with clients.
Doesn't sit right with me and I'm likely not going to do it, but it is one perspective. She suggested this was common (she's been at a firm for 11 years now so maybe this was more of a thing when she first started, I don't know).
Right. That makes sense. I should have agreed that's part of the reason why I don't be taking the mentioned partner's advice. If my name were Michael, sure I'll go by Mike. But there's quite a bit in a name and choosing to professionally go by a name that feels manufactured presents its own issues.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:31 pmAnonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:26 pmIt is kind of a big deal when you have to deal with it every single day. It also can be awkward when you're in a meeting or a large group and have to constantly correct the way your name is pronounced. Point is you shouldn't be concerned about the complaint sounding tedious or frivolous. It's a valid frustration.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:16 pmRelated to this: any tips on how to politely correct a mispronunciation of your name if you've already corrected the partner once or twice already?
My name is not TOO hard to pronounce, but it can be a little tricky. Most associates get it right after asking once. I've now been working on a team for a few weeks and certain people keep saying it wrong, but it's weird to stop a conversation or meeting where we're discussing stuff and just blurt out that my name was mispronounced in a passing reference to certain task assignments or whatever. I don't want to make it sound like a big deal but it is annoying.
I've had a similar concern based on the incorrect pronunciation of my name throughout my life. Especially in former jobs. I'm a 2L now and have asked big law attorneys I trust the same question. One of them recommended that if you use a nickname in your personal life, and it's appropriate and easier to pronounce, you might choose to go by that name. They pointed out that it has made their life easier, especially in dealing with clients.
Doesn't sit right with me and I'm likely not going to do it, but it is one perspective. She suggested this was common (she's been at a firm for 11 years now so maybe this was more of a thing when she first started, I don't know).
Yeah I get the point about having a nickname but if it's not one I already have, it feels like too manufactured a strategy to sit well with me. Like if I could go back in time and my childhood friends/family had given me a nickname I'd be more aggresive in using it and running with it. But it's too late now unless it comes naturally to someone else -- not gonna go all Kobe Bryant and submerge one day and re-emerge as the self-styled Black Mamba, lol.
I’d do this too. I had a senior partner start calling be my a common nickname for my name that I don’t go by (and really don’t like). I sent him an email early on saying I actually go by X, thanks. He never acknowledged it but never called me the nickname again. It’s your name, stand up for yourself and don’t overthink it.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 2:15 pmCouldn’t you just send an email to the partner like:
“Hi Partner, something I noticed a couple of times in our last few emails, my name is spelled / pronounced. Thanks”
That’s what I would do. It’s embarrassing for him too if it keeps happening.
Agree with this. My name is easy enough to spell, but mispronounced 95% of the time, even by ppl who would purport to know me well.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:25 pmI have an unusual name and people have misspelled it and/or mispronounced it my whole life, including some people who I generally consider wonderful, thoughtful people. Misspelling my name would not be what would lead me to avoid someone -- in fact it would be pretty far down on my list -- I would try to avoid them because they are generally rude in every way.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:00 pmTitle says it all. I know I don't have the easiest name, but everybody else I worked with managed to spell my name right (senior associates, partners, counterparties etc.). This partner is also generally rude in every way. We have a assignment system for work. Is there a good way to avoid this partner for future work? I am not sure if it is a good idea to just tell the staffer straight up.
Relatedly, this, but pronouns.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:00 pmTitle says it all. I know I don't have the easiest name, but everybody else I worked with managed to spell my name right (senior associates, partners, counterparties etc.). This partner is also generally rude in every way. We have a assignment system for work. Is there a good way to avoid this partner for future work? I am not sure if it is a good idea to just tell the staffer straight up.
If everyone but this partner can spell the name correctly (especially since the OP’s name is probably on various emails and other documents) then it’s probably not the name.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 2:35 pmAgree with this. My name is easy enough to spell, but mispronounced 95% of the time, even by ppl who would purport to know me well.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:25 pmI have an unusual name and people have misspelled it and/or mispronounced it my whole life, including some people who I generally consider wonderful, thoughtful people. Misspelling my name would not be what would lead me to avoid someone -- in fact it would be pretty far down on my list -- I would try to avoid them because they are generally rude in every way.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:00 pmTitle says it all. I know I don't have the easiest name, but everybody else I worked with managed to spell my name right (senior associates, partners, counterparties etc.). This partner is also generally rude in every way. We have a assignment system for work. Is there a good way to avoid this partner for future work? I am not sure if it is a good idea to just tell the staffer straight up.
Y'all are soft as fuck.
It has nothing to do with being "soft". It's a legit question because framing, perception, office politics, and interactions can be tricky, especially with pwoerful partners you dont yet know well (but might later). We can be cognizant of wanting to approach this in a smart way rather than coming across as socially unrefined (but "hard", or whatever you might mean...).Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 2:35 pmAgree with this. My name is easy enough to spell, but mispronounced 95% of the time, even by ppl who would purport to know me well.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:25 pmI have an unusual name and people have misspelled it and/or mispronounced it my whole life, including some people who I generally consider wonderful, thoughtful people. Misspelling my name would not be what would lead me to avoid someone -- in fact it would be pretty far down on my list -- I would try to avoid them because they are generally rude in every way.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:00 pmTitle says it all. I know I don't have the easiest name, but everybody else I worked with managed to spell my name right (senior associates, partners, counterparties etc.). This partner is also generally rude in every way. We have a assignment system for work. Is there a good way to avoid this partner for future work? I am not sure if it is a good idea to just tell the staffer straight up.
Y'all are soft as fuck.
Yes, BUT there are better and worse ways to do this, and while there are clear poles or extremes, there's also a grey area.basketofbread wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 4:32 pmThere is literally nothing wrong with correcting someone on how to pronounce or spell your name. You should absolutely correct someone who consistently misspells or mispronounces your name.
I really don’t think this is a tricky issue to navigate. You should be direct and serious. You don’t need to make your communication friendly or jovial or obsequious. Spelling / pronouncing your name correctly is a basic act of politeness.
Send them an email that simply says “hey, I’ve noticed in a few recent communications that you have spelled / pronounced my name like this, it is actually spelled / pronounced like this. Thank you.”
It is 100% on them to get it right. You should take the initiative to correct them, but THEY look like a fool / ogre if they persist in getting it wrong after you correct them. This is not an intrinsically shitty big law thing, it is completely inappropriate to consistently misspell or pronounce your name.
If the partner in question Is so insane that simply emailing him or walking into his office is out of the question, then what can be done?Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 4:48 pmYes, BUT there are better and worse ways to do this, and while there are clear poles or extremes, there's also a grey area.basketofbread wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 4:32 pmThere is literally nothing wrong with correcting someone on how to pronounce or spell your name. You should absolutely correct someone who consistently misspells or mispronounces your name.
I really don’t think this is a tricky issue to navigate. You should be direct and serious. You don’t need to make your communication friendly or jovial or obsequious. Spelling / pronouncing your name correctly is a basic act of politeness.
Send them an email that simply says “hey, I’ve noticed in a few recent communications that you have spelled / pronounced my name like this, it is actually spelled / pronounced like this. Thank you.”
It is 100% on them to get it right. You should take the initiative to correct them, but THEY look like a fool / ogre if they persist in getting it wrong after you correct them. This is not an intrinsically shitty big law thing, it is completely inappropriate to consistently misspell or pronounce your name.
Example of CLEAR wrong context in which to correct how a partner mispronounces your name: on a call with a client, or opposing counsel.
Example of CLEAR right context in which to correct how a partner mispronounces your name: 2 of you alone in an office talking.
In between these, it's helpful to hear opinions from people on this board. The most popular way seems to be: email them directly afterwards. But I'm not sure about this. If it's a Big Name partner at Big Law and I have not interacted with them much yet (but might later), an email can signal to the partner that I am high-maintence, or overly sensitive (witness these very boards!).
So, its more complex than just "you hve a right, enforce it!"
I was the anon who called ppl "soft". Agree there is nothing wrong in correcting someone. I have had folks do the same for me and I was appreciative (multiple times I have called ppl by their last name thinking it was their first due to how emails show up).basketofbread wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 4:32 pmThere is literally nothing wrong with correcting someone on how to pronounce or spell your name. You should absolutely correct someone who consistently misspells or mispronounces your name.
I really don’t think this is a tricky issue to navigate. You should be direct and serious. You don’t need to make your communication friendly or jovial or obsequious. Spelling / pronouncing your name correctly is a basic act of politeness.
Send them an email that simply says “hey, I’ve noticed in a few recent communications that you have spelled / pronounced my name like this, it is actually spelled / pronounced like this. Thank you.”
It is 100% on them to get it right. You should take the initiative to correct them, but THEY look like a fool / ogre if they persist in getting it wrong after you correct them. This is not an intrinsically shitty big law thing, it is completely inappropriate to consistently misspell or pronounce your name.
I fully agree with you. I don’t think it’s a big deal. But if it’s a consistent thing then it’s weird for OP to let it by unaddressed. Even if you personally don’t care, if someone is mispronouncing your name it’s kind of a service to them to correct them. That’s why I think the reasonable advice is to directly and simply correct the partner.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 5:32 pmI was the anon who called ppl "soft". Agree there is nothing wrong in correcting someone. I have had folks do the same for me and I was appreciative (multiple times I have called ppl by their last name thinking it was their first due to how emails show up).basketofbread wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 4:32 pmThere is literally nothing wrong with correcting someone on how to pronounce or spell your name. You should absolutely correct someone who consistently misspells or mispronounces your name.
I really don’t think this is a tricky issue to navigate. You should be direct and serious. You don’t need to make your communication friendly or jovial or obsequious. Spelling / pronouncing your name correctly is a basic act of politeness.
Send them an email that simply says “hey, I’ve noticed in a few recent communications that you have spelled / pronounced my name like this, it is actually spelled / pronounced like this. Thank you.”
It is 100% on them to get it right. You should take the initiative to correct them, but THEY look like a fool / ogre if they persist in getting it wrong after you correct them. This is not an intrinsically shitty big law thing, it is completely inappropriate to consistently misspell or pronounce your name.
I think what I disagree with is the idea there is something nefarious in mispelling someone's name (someone above implied it was something personal to OP since the partner can spell everyone else's name right, when in reality, partner probably just has a friend with a different but similar spelling to OP's). And that it is a grave enough offense to make the person a "jerk" to be avoided? That is ridiculous.
Cut ppl some slack. We are all ppl just trying to figure shit out. Most people are not going out of there way to be an asshole on purpose.
Soft AF anon above. This is one where you shouldn't feel ashamed of just sending the perp an email on the side saying "FYI, no worries at all, but I am [name]". Don't think that sounds like you accusing them of racism.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 8:28 pmSeveral people at my firm consistently mix me up with another associate of my same race and I also have not found a way to politely address this without sounding like I'm accusing them of racism (which I guess I would be and am too scared to actually do it for fear of sounding overly sensitive).
Your name is either Matthew, Michael or Christopher and you insist on people not calling you Matt, Mike or Chris. Got it.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 8:14 pmJust FWIW - I have a traditional European first name that partners, associates and clients not-irregularly fuck up. I'm also given nicknames that I don't use/never sign my emails with/are not on the website etc. Like a "John" instead of "Jonathon" sort of thing.
Personally, I don't read into it. Some mix of laziness/inattention/over-familiarity. Same thing happened on my sports teams in high school, at my professional services job prior to law school...
If it drives you insane, point it out. I don't bother, just doesn't matter that much at the end of the day
Could be Greg/Gregory. Or Chad/Chadwick.2013 wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 10:11 pmYour name is either Matthew, Michael or Christopher and you insist on people not calling you Matt, Mike or Chris. Got it.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 8:14 pmJust FWIW - I have a traditional European first name that partners, associates and clients not-irregularly fuck up. I'm also given nicknames that I don't use/never sign my emails with/are not on the website etc. Like a "John" instead of "Jonathon" sort of thing.
Personally, I don't read into it. Some mix of laziness/inattention/over-familiarity. Same thing happened on my sports teams in high school, at my professional services job prior to law school...
If it drives you insane, point it out. I don't bother, just doesn't matter that much at the end of the day
Edit: also, “European first name” isn’t a thing. French names are different from Italian names and Serbian names. You can just say “white sounding first name,” since that is what you meant.
you literally just like, summarized literally what I said back to me and then implied I shouldn't care, which I said I ... don't. what's the point of your post lol2013 wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 10:11 pmYour name is either Matthew, Michael or Christopher and you insist on people not calling you Matt, Mike or Chris. Got it.Anonymous User wrote: ↑Tue Feb 22, 2022 8:14 pmJust FWIW - I have a traditional European first name that partners, associates and clients not-irregularly fuck up. I'm also given nicknames that I don't use/never sign my emails with/are not on the website etc. Like a "John" instead of "Jonathon" sort of thing.
Personally, I don't read into it. Some mix of laziness/inattention/over-familiarity. Same thing happened on my sports teams in high school, at my professional services job prior to law school...
If it drives you insane, point it out. I don't bother, just doesn't matter that much at the end of the day
Edit: also, “European first name” isn’t a thing. French names are different from Italian names and Serbian names. You can just say “white sounding first name,” since that is what you meant.