Culture shock in BigLaw Forum

[Anonymous User]

I am struggling a bit with BL and how it works, even as an SA. My firm has super friendly people, but I am somewhat uncomfortable with the money aspect of it. My parents both grew up very poor. Although they are now upper-middle-class, they are still always very frugal and down-to-earth, and they do not like to associate with anyone remotely snobby or "fake." My pre-law career paid decently, but I had no administrative support or anything.

Even before OCI, the fancy firm receptions with everything paid for were off-putting to me. Getting expensive gifts from firms with offers made me uncomfortable, like I was getting free stuff for doing nothing. My firm has put on great but IMO extravagant social events (remotely--we get expensive and perishable stuff shipped straight to us). Partners have offered their properties (like a mountain cabin or beachfront home) for SAs on their teams to use. I have secretaries for the first time in my life, and the idea of asking them to input my time or schedule meetings makes me extremely, extremely uncomfortable, since for some reason those are things I feel like I should have to do (I know there are billable-hour reasons for the system, but still).

I do not feel guilty, exactly, but maybe discomfort or tension between the lifestyle and some of my values.
Maybe I just needed to vent, and maybe this will all disappear when I become an actual junior (and the job becomes all-encompassing), but if anyone has any insight or felt something similar, I would appreciate your perspectives or insight. My classmates seem not to relate because they love all the free stuff and are just bummed that we cannot get daily expensive lunches/dinners since we are remote.

[Anonymous User]

Some of this you’ll get used to (using your secretary if you’re able to will probably get easier because you’ll use her for valid work related things). Some of it might not get any less weird and uncomfortable. I grew up poor and the BL culture of both spending crazy money and then showing it off to your peers was not something I could get on board with. I always felt like they were judging me for not having an expensive watch or bag, and some of that may have been in my head. But at my firm it really was part of the culture to discuss the expensive things you bought, expensive places you traveled, etc. in a way that never felt right to me.

But I also felt a bit of that in law school. If you grow up poor, it can be hard to feel like you fit in in that world. I left BL pretty quickly for many reasons but the overall culture being gross was part of it.

[Anonymous User]

I am struggling a bit with BL and how it works, even as an SA. My firm has super friendly people, but I am somewhat uncomfortable with the money aspect of it. My parents both grew up very poor. Although they are now upper-middle-class, they are still always very frugal and down-to-earth, and they do not like to associate with anyone remotely snobby or "fake." My pre-law career paid decently, but I had no administrative support or anything.

Even before OCI, the fancy firm receptions with everything paid for were off-putting to me. Getting expensive gifts from firms with offers made me uncomfortable, like I was getting free stuff for doing nothing. My firm has put on great but IMO extravagant social events (remotely--we get expensive and perishable stuff shipped straight to us). Partners have offered their properties (like a mountain cabin or beachfront home) for SAs on their teams to use. I have secretaries for the first time in my life, and the idea of asking them to input my time or schedule meetings makes me extremely, extremely uncomfortable, since for some reason those are things I feel like I should have to do (I know there are billable-hour reasons for the system, but still).

I do not feel guilty, exactly, but maybe discomfort or tension between the lifestyle and some of my values.
Maybe I just needed to vent, and maybe this will all disappear when I become an actual junior (and the job becomes all-encompassing), but if anyone has any insight or felt something similar, I would appreciate your perspectives or insight. My classmates seem not to relate because they love all the free stuff and are just bummed that we cannot get daily expensive lunches/dinners since we are remote.

I'm in a major secondary market -- I don't know how to say "not NY or LA" -- in a V10 shop that is predominantly corporate. We don't have any of this fancy/snobby culture. In fact, I'm disappointed the partners don't flex a bit more and drive cooler cars, live in cooler houses, etc. (though they have all nice stuff, obviously). I would assume NY and LA are different.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I just wanted to clarify that no one at my firm seems snobby or flashes their wealth/purchases. But all of the freebies and stuff still bother me for some reason.

[Anonymous User]

I am struggling a bit with BL and how it works, even as an SA. My firm has super friendly people, but I am somewhat uncomfortable with the money aspect of it. My parents both grew up very poor. Although they are now upper-middle-class, they are still always very frugal and down-to-earth, and they do not like to associate with anyone remotely snobby or "fake." My pre-law career paid decently, but I had no administrative support or anything.

Even before OCI, the fancy firm receptions with everything paid for were off-putting to me. Getting expensive gifts from firms with offers made me uncomfortable, like I was getting free stuff for doing nothing. My firm has put on great but IMO extravagant social events (remotely--we get expensive and perishable stuff shipped straight to us). Partners have offered their properties (like a mountain cabin or beachfront home) for SAs on their teams to use. I have secretaries for the first time in my life, and the idea of asking them to input my time or schedule meetings makes me extremely, extremely uncomfortable, since for some reason those are things I feel like I should have to do (I know there are billable-hour reasons for the system, but still).

I do not feel guilty, exactly, but maybe discomfort or tension between the lifestyle and some of my values.
Maybe I just needed to vent, and maybe this will all disappear when I become an actual junior (and the job becomes all-encompassing), but if anyone has any insight or felt something similar, I would appreciate your perspectives or insight. My classmates seem not to relate because they love all the free stuff and are just bummed that we cannot get daily expensive lunches/dinners since we are remote.

I'm in a major secondary market -- I don't know how to say "not NY or LA" -- in a V10 shop that is predominantly corporate. We don't have any of this fancy/snobby culture. In fact, I'm disappointed the partners don't flex a bit more and drive cooler cars, live in cooler houses, etc. (though they have all nice stuff, obviously). I would assume NY and LA are different.

at a v10's ny office, it's been pretty chill and nothing too extravagant. wow I didn't know partners offering their vacation home is a thing ... esp during covid

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I just wanted to clarify that no one at my firm seems snobby or flashes their wealth/purchases. But all of the freebies and stuff still bother me for some reason.

To be fair it is only free if you do not return to the firm. If you return you will absolutely pay for it.

[Lacepiece23]

I’m just going to be real with you. This is what you signed up for. You didn’t sign up for a non-profit where people are modest and want to do good. You signed up for a place where the most important thing to everyone that works there is money.

Yes, that’s right and the honest truth. Even the junior associates who want to pay back loans. They care about money so they can do so. The senior associates care about money so they can pay their huge mortgages and send their kids to expensive daycare.

The partners care about money because they are now greedy, sold their soul, and have been there so long that that’s all they can care about.

So, just come to terms with the fact that everyone around you cares most about money and that is their identity. It may give you understanding or cause you to leave. Your choice.

[Anonymous User]

I get where you're coming from, but it's also part of being an SA where they do everything to cater to your experience and show their best face.

I think at least some of the culture shock will dissipate when you start as a full time associate and realize that it's much more of a grind than it is anything ostentatious

[Anonymous User]

I grew up solidly middle class, but my family is solidly upper-middle class. I've come to accept that being comfortable with money/wealth is a learned skill for people who weren't born with it.

[Anonymous User]

Maybe it’s because I was raised upper middle class, but I don’t know why anyone would feel uncomfortable with this.

Whenever someone I know gets a new job/promotion/etc. I send a nice gift. I hope that receiving that expensive bottle of wine doesn’t make someone uncomfortable. I was taught to always send a thoughtful (and nice) gift to someone for any occasion, and to bring a nice bottle of wine to any dinner party. Giving and receiving nice things from people is just a part of life.

Maybe the above poster is right, and it’s a learned skill.

[Anonymous User]

OP, I'm a few years into the job and I've always felt the same as you, starting when I was a summer as well. I grew up lower middle, then eventually middle middle class - parents were immigrants who didn't go to college, etc. All of it makes me uncomfortable. I try not to judge my colleagues for (what to me seems like) prioritizing money and material things. I don't always success.

I don't have any advice, other than to say I've just accepted that this job is not for me, the culture is not for me, and I don't care about "building wealth" or being rich, so much as I do being financially stable and pursuing a career that is meaningful to me, and investing in my hobbies and personal life. Honestly, a real silver lining is that the job has been somewhat clarifying in helping me understand what I want/need out of a career. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous User]

Maybe it’s because I was raised upper middle class,

Yes, yes it is

[cheaptilts]

OP, I'm a few years into the job and I've always felt the same as you, starting when I was a summer as well. I grew up lower middle, then eventually middle middle class - parents were immigrants who didn't go to college, etc. All of it makes me uncomfortable. I try not to judge my colleagues for (what to me seems like) prioritizing money and material things. I don't always success.

I don't have any advice, other than to say I've just accepted that this job is not for me, the culture is not for me, and I don't care about "building wealth" or being rich, so much as I do being financially stable and pursuing a career that is meaningful to me, and investing in my hobbies and personal life. Honestly, a real silver lining is that the job has been somewhat clarifying in helping me understand what I want/need out of a career. Best of luck to you.

Not much daylight between prioritizing money and working at a particular job to be financially stable. It’s like Lacepiece said above, at the end of the day you’ve gone into the job eyes wide open. Money is thrown around because there’s a ton of money being made. OP will work exclusively for millionaires and multimillionaires, who make their money from billionaires and billionaire companies. But no one is ever forced to do biglaw (and I’ve never seen anyone in primary market biglaw force anyone else to buy an expensive watch, the Allen edmunds, the custom suit, etc.). [*]

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks for the responses so far. Some have been on-point, some not so much. To be clear, the issue is not people being obsessed with wealth, being money-focused, or having a large salary. That is why I did not list those things in my OP. Given the responses, it seems that people can either relate viscerally with my feelings in OP or not.

Whenever someone I know gets a new job/promotion/etc. I send a nice gift. I hope that receiving that expensive bottle of wine doesn’t make someone uncomfortable. I was taught to always send a thoughtful (and nice) gift to someone for any occasion, and to bring a nice bottle of wine to any dinner party. Giving and receiving nice things from people is just a part of life.

I bolded the key statement. There is a difference between giving a gift to a friend and receiving hundreds of dollars in gifts from firms because you...interviewed well. Or dining on a company's dime for thousands of dollars if you want across firm receptions with no commitment or anything (i.e., you are basically rewarded for existing). I get you, but at least for me, the situations are different, which is why I am seeking the perspectives of those who have been uncomfortable with some of the stuff I mention.

FWIW if by "nice" you mean like $170+ bottles, that would probably make most people uncomfortable if they did not grow up wealthy.

[eastcoast_iub]

BigLaw firms are incredibly wealthy institutions. Who cares if they give you gifts as part of recruitment? There is no reason to feel guilty about that. It's the firm's issue as to whether they think that is money well spent. I don't get the concern.

I can understand, though, how some might feel uneasy about how we get paid so much for something that doesn't add much value to society, as compared with others who perform much more meaningful work at a fraction of the salary. I wouldn't say I feel guilty about it, but it is definitely a prime example of how resource allocation in society is so skewed and life is not fair.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks for the responses so far. Some have been on-point, some not so much. To be clear, the issue is not people being obsessed with wealth, being money-focused, or having a large salary. That is why I did not list those things in my OP. Given the responses, it seems that people can either relate viscerally with my feelings in OP or not.

Whenever someone I know gets a new job/promotion/etc. I send a nice gift. I hope that receiving that expensive bottle of wine doesn’t make someone uncomfortable. I was taught to always send a thoughtful (and nice) gift to someone for any occasion, and to bring a nice bottle of wine to any dinner party. Giving and receiving nice things from people is just a part of life.

I bolded the key statement. There is a difference between giving a gift to a friend and receiving hundreds of dollars in gifts from firms because you...interviewed well. Or dining on a company's dime for thousands of dollars if you want across firm receptions with no commitment or anything (i.e., you are basically rewarded for existing). I get you, but at least for me, the situations are different, which is why I am seeking the perspectives of those who have been uncomfortable with some of the stuff I mention.

FWIW if by "nice" you mean like $170+ bottles, that would probably make most people uncomfortable if they did not grow up wealthy.

OP's attitude is why poverty can be a vicious cycle. Perhaps you would be more comfortable working at a pro bono organization?

[Anonymous User]

OP here; thanks for the responses so far. No, I would not be more comfortable at a pro-bono organization. I like BL work, and I like BL pay, and I disagree ideologically with most pro bono orgs that hire from my school. Also, I am not poor, nor is my family poor (I have ~$150k in savings and will graduate with no debt).

The issue is not the compensation. The issue is the extravagance bestowed on people for doing no work (pre-offer) or very little work (up to now). Maybe it is some latent Protestant work ethic rearing its head or something, but the entire thing just creeps me out. I do not feel I have done anything to "deserve" it (again, this does NOT apply to the salary itself).

Anyone is welcome to respond and this is a public forum, but I think any insight from people who have felt the same or who can relate would be most helpful.

[nixy]

I bolded the key statement. There is a difference between giving a gift to a friend and receiving hundreds of dollars in gifts from firms because you...interviewed well. Or dining on a company's dime for thousands of dollars if you want across firm receptions with no commitment or anything (i.e., you are basically rewarded for existing). I get you, but at least for me, the situations are different, which is why I am seeking the perspectives of those who have been uncomfortable with some of the stuff I mention.

I've never quite understood firms spending money on branded swag, mostly because I don't like advertising on my stuff (obligatory "make sure the S&C logo on your bag is facing out" reference), and I think having to spend so much on recruiting for the highest paid entry level jobs is baffling (are people actually not going to take a job that pays $200k if you don't hold the free reception before OCI?). So I tend to think it's all a big waste of money. But it does all ostensibly serve a recruiting purpose. In that respect, it's not for doing nothing - you got in to the right school and/or had the right grades to get an offer. And the SA isn't actually a real job, it's an extended interview/recruiting method. They want to convince you to work for them.

My sense is that it's a hold-over from when people who worked in biglaw were all rich/of a certain social class/wanted to hire only from that social class/hiring was even more about personal connections/there were fewer boundaries between hiring/socializing. In the early-mid 20th c firms weren't hiring from (say) Harvard Law because that's where the smartest grads were, but because it was filled with (mostly, not exclusively) rich/UMC white people. So you knew the people you were hiring from Harvard were the "right" kind of people, and recruiting developed all these kinds of rituals because that was the kind of thing the "right" kind of people did in their ordinary social lives, which just got transferred over to recruiting. Like if you're hiring the son of your best pal who has the house next door to you on the Hamptons, of course you're going to take the kid out to dinner on your dime as part of the process, it would be rude not to. Then the recruiting stuff took on a life of its own and it's hard to get rid of b/c no one wants to be the first to get rid of it.

I think discomfort with using secretaries isn't quite the same as discomfort with swag. It's definitely an adjustment to have someone do work for you. But it makes a lot of sense to have secretarial support for people who get billed out at high rates - if your secretary bills your time, you can spend the time saved on billable work. To the extent it highlights that you're getting billed out at ridiculous rates and that there are hierarchies at work, it connects a little to the money stuff. But it's actually not extravagant or snobby or fake, it's just an economic reality that there's stuff it's not cost-effective for you to do.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks for the responses so far. Some have been on-point, some not so much. To be clear, the issue is not people being obsessed with wealth, being money-focused, or having a large salary. That is why I did not list those things in my OP. Given the responses, it seems that people can either relate viscerally with my feelings in OP or not.

Whenever someone I know gets a new job/promotion/etc. I send a nice gift. I hope that receiving that expensive bottle of wine doesn’t make someone uncomfortable. I was taught to always send a thoughtful (and nice) gift to someone for any occasion, and to bring a nice bottle of wine to any dinner party. Giving and receiving nice things from people is just a part of life.

I bolded the key statement. There is a difference between giving a gift to a friend and receiving hundreds of dollars in gifts from firms because you...interviewed well. Or dining on a company's dime for thousands of dollars if you want across firm receptions with no commitment or anything (i.e., you are basically rewarded for existing). I get you, but at least for me, the situations are different, which is why I am seeking the perspectives of those who have been uncomfortable with some of the stuff I mention.

FWIW if by "nice" you mean like $170+ bottles, that would probably make most people uncomfortable if they did not grow up wealthy.

OP, I’m the quoted anon. I actually have no problem spending the firm’s money and wish the firm would give me more gifts. I wish they’d let me spend more wining and dining folks so I don’t have to spend my own money. I think you have to just let yourself believe that you’ve earned it (I guess this can be a very privileged stance—who knows). Again, I can’t really relate because I don’t feel uncomfortable about spending/receiving money at all. Not sure if that is a poor/rich thing or a personal thing.

I think a nice gift can be sent to someone you know or a complete stranger. The bottles of wine I bring usually are to strangers’ homes.

I hope you find the advice you’re looking for on here. I didn’t want to derail your OP, but just wanted to better understand where you’re coming from.

[Anonymous User]

OP, I'm a few years into the job and I've always felt the same as you, starting when I was a summer as well. I grew up lower middle, then eventually middle middle class - parents were immigrants who didn't go to college, etc. All of it makes me uncomfortable. I try not to judge my colleagues for (what to me seems like) prioritizing money and material things. I don't always success.

I don't have any advice, other than to say I've just accepted that this job is not for me, the culture is not for me, and I don't care about "building wealth" or being rich, so much as I do being financially stable and pursuing a career that is meaningful to me, and investing in my hobbies and personal life. Honestly, a real silver lining is that the job has been somewhat clarifying in helping me understand what I want/need out of a career. Best of luck to you.

Not much daylight between prioritizing money and working at a particular job to be financially stable. It’s like Lacepiece said above, at the end of the day you’ve gone into the job eyes wide open. Money is thrown around because there’s a ton of money being made. OP will work exclusively for millionaires and multimillionaires, who make their money from billionaires and billionaire companies. But no one is ever forced to do biglaw (and I’ve never seen anyone in primary market biglaw force anyone else to buy an expensive watch, the Allen edmunds, the custom suit, etc.). [*]

Quoted anon. Yes, I take your point about the bolded, but it's a difference of degree, not of kind. There is some daylight, and it's enough to be significant to me. I just meant that I'd prefer a middle class existence for more work life balance, which is obviously not the tradeoff that exists in biglaw.

And yes, I have also never seen anyone literally force someone to buy a certain suit, but golden handcuffs are real, and there's of course a culture and set of expectations that you're immediately immersed in upon entering this profession. Like OP said, that culture can be tough to navigate or adjust to, particularly if you're a first gen college student and didn't come from money. Of course you're exposed to this in law school to a certain extent if you go to a T14, but actually being around millionaires who throw money around, like you said, is pretty disorienting if you've never been anywhere near it before.

Like you said though, no one's forced to do it, me included. I think people often feel they are due to their student debt, which I'm sympathetic to as someone with a lot of it, but I don't think it's true that big law is the only way to deal with loans.

[Anonymous User]

I do not feel guilty, exactly, but maybe discomfort or tension between the lifestyle and some of my values.
Maybe I just needed to vent, and maybe this will all disappear when I become an actual junior (and the job becomes all-encompassing), but if anyone has any insight or felt something similar, I would appreciate your perspectives or insight. My classmates seem not to relate because they love all the free stuff and are just bummed that we cannot get daily expensive lunches/dinners since we are remote.

I'm responding to the OP, but have read a bunch of the responses. I grew up comfortable but not ostentatiously so - professional parents, no beach houses, but not much debt on graduating law school, either. I did find the swag/offer stuff/offer dinners (some of which had champagne bottles popped if people accepted offers at dinner) a little confronting at first. Why did we need all this stuff spent on us when we were all feeling fortunate to get jobs in the first place? If there was this much cash to spare, why couldn't we/others be paid a bit more rather than having Cravath/DPW/Milbank set our salaries? (I started in the 2007-16 period, when scales didn't go up for nine years even as rents did.)

A few things helped me through this - not from a selfish, but from a (slightly) altruistic perspective. When studying corporations at law school, I got on board with the idea of a firm as a nexus of contracts, rather than just a means of building shareholder value. In the law firm context, I've now come to the view that the money being doled out isn't just for your benefit, but also for the many suppliers and people who help to make those things happen. Much of the AmLaw 50 has revenues above half a billion dollars a year now - that's a lot of cash, and there are costs that come with making it.

After I joined a firm, I saw this in practice. There's an ecosystem that consists in money being spent by both organizations and well-paid individuals at large organizations that are well-paid. (The pandemic has underscored the importance of this to New York, too.) So maybe the Veuve Clicquot winery won't be hurt if Davis Polk doesn't send each of its offerees a bottle of champagne, but what about the restaurants (and their servers) who count on their tips from offer dinners when they run at 40% capacity during the week otherwise? Firms hire/d catering staffs, duplicating teams, word processing people, receptionists, and of course secretaries in house, along with other service providers. They're all people who wanted the work, put their salaries to use sending their kids to school and paying off mortgages and looking after sick parents, like the rest of us.

At the better firms where I worked (I've been at three in total), anyone who was an a**hole to a secretary or an IT person (with the exception of partners) would be dressed down quickly and roundly by someone important. Yelling at a secretary was also seen as a sign of weakness and not having your stuff together.

On the other hand, there were the partners who made my life hell in many ways, but who went downstairs and bought coffee from the coffee van outside the office - even though it was terrible - every morning at 8.45, because the coffee guy depended on them. ("After a while, it doesn't taste so bad.")

Then there was the guy at reception. He knew everyone by name and was a veteran with a disability. One late night when I was waiting for a document, he confided in me that a retired senior partner had paid for his mother's hip replacement a few years earlier, completely without bidding. The fellow who'd shine our shoes and many of the secretaries and older paralegals had similar stories.

(I know that this is anecdotal, and that this doesn't describe all partners. Many of the younger generation seem to come to this with a sense of entitlement and/or feel they're far behind their VC/PE clients in earning power so are tight about these things. And despite all this, I still haven't moved beyond my disgust at people who spend social functions talking about how much money they're spending on the new boat or the amenities at the golf club. (It's fine to do those things/have those facilities, I think, but it seems awfully gauche to make them the only thing you can discuss.) And technology has meant fewer and fewer secretaries and paralegals, so less of this ecosystem.)

There are problems, of course, with thinking that a sense of noblesse oblige makes this all ok. I know that it doesn't, and maybe we should live in more egalitarian societies with better safety nets. (I'm not taking positions on this.) If it assuages your guilt any more, I've found that gifts of things that I already have/don't need (iPads at a particular conference, bottles of wine from printers or grateful clients, iPods from Bloomberg or Westlaw) often have willing and grateful recipients among secretaries and other support staff. There's self-interest in this, too: I live in a small apartment and like to stay mobile, so don't want to accumulate stuff that I don't need, but at least my life isn't filled with trappings that I feel I don't deserve.

I acknowledge the romanticism in my world view, which is borne of reading histories of law firms ("The Partners" and "Lions in the Street", among others) that bear little resemblance to the world I inhabit. In short: it's easier, I think, if you can get your personal value system to a point where you're comfortable that people who earn, have, and spend money can be good people, too - and that there are important and good externalities from spending that money. Sometimes you're going to be the recipient of that largesse, but you can also do a little to pay it forward.

And it that's not enough, there are always other alternatives.

[Anonymous User]

This thread is truly eye opening. There are people who feel “uncomfortable” going to nice dinners and getting gifts that probably cost under $100 when they’re working you 80 hours a week billing you out at $500+ hours??? Or “uncomfortable” about using your secretaries? Do you get up in restaurants and pour your own water too because it makes you uncomfortable to have the bussers do it?

All that aside, I wonder how you will feel when you become more senior (assuming you last that long) and will have to use your juniors to do mindless all-night work.

OP—kindly send any gifts you feel guilty about receiving my way. I am especially partial to robust red wines.

[nixy]

This thread is truly eye opening. There are people who feel “uncomfortable” going to nice dinners and getting gifts that probably cost under $100 when they’re working you 80 hours a week billing you out at $500+ hours??? Or “uncomfortable” about using your secretaries? Do you get up in restaurants and pour your own water too because it makes you uncomfortable to have the bussers do it?

All that aside, I wonder how you will feel when you become more senior (assuming you last that long) and will have to use your juniors to do mindless all-night work.

OP—kindly send any gifts you feel guilty about receiving my way. I am especially partial to robust red wines.

Not sure why you’re anon, but you may have noticed that the OP is talking about recruiting swag/events, so no one is working 80 hour weeks or being billed at $500/hr yet. And using secretaries and delegating to juniors is definitely an adjustment for people who haven’t done it before.

[Bosque]

This thread is truly eye opening. There are people who feel “uncomfortable” going to nice dinners and getting gifts that probably cost under $100 when they’re working you 80 hours a week billing you out at $500+ hours??? Or “uncomfortable” about using your secretaries? Do you get up in restaurants and pour your own water too because it makes you uncomfortable to have the bussers do it?

All that aside, I wonder how you will feel when you become more senior (assuming you last that long) and will have to use your juniors to do mindless all-night work.

OP—kindly send any gifts you feel guilty about receiving my way. I am especially partial to robust red wines.

You joke, but yes. Being waited on in restaurants can also be a source of anxiety if you are not used to it.

[Lubberlubber]

This thread is truly eye opening. There are people who feel “uncomfortable” going to nice dinners and getting gifts that probably cost under $100 when they’re working you 80 hours a week billing you out at $500+ hours??? Or “uncomfortable” about using your secretaries? Do you get up in restaurants and pour your own water too because it makes you uncomfortable to have the bussers do it?

All that aside, I wonder how you will feel when you become more senior (assuming you last that long) and will have to use your juniors to do mindless all-night work.

OP—kindly send any gifts you feel guilty about receiving my way. I am especially partial to robust red wines.

You joke, but yes. Being waited on in restaurants can also be a source of anxiety if you are not used to it.

Maybe people with this much social anxiety aren't cut out for big firm life, or adulthood more generally. God forbid you should ever need a gardener, or nanny, or housekeeper. Do you also avoid taking taxis because you don't want to be driven around?

To OP: maybe see a therapist or something, but you will soon understand why they spend all this money on recruiting you when you're sitting at the printer for the 4th night in a row arguing about what word to use on page 68 of the prospectus with bankers who are being paid much much more than you and company executives who are about to make many millions of dollars. Think about those free dinners and social events then and whether you should have appreciated them more.