Telling a Partner to F off Forum

[Anonymous User]

The problem is that both the only way to get "fuck off" through to these people -- they will interpret a literal "fuck off" as just being a you problem, not a them problem -- and the only way to change their behavior is to both refuse to work with them and relentlessly badmouth them to other associates. Break normal rules and refuse even when low on hours. Do summer associate lunches or welcome lunches and tell people, with examples. When the partner goes several years of only being able to get first years and underperformers to staff their cases, they sometimes actually do wise up then -- a notorious screamer at my last firm actually started to change after years of consistent complaints and staffing problems. I'm sure it just went under the surface and that she was still horrible to work with in other ways, but it was widely known in the partnership and she was quite obviously embarrassed about her reputation.

[12YrsAnAssociate]

I think the beauty of waiting a few hours and telling the partner you just can't get to it until next Wednesday at the earliest is that the partner really can't bitch because he is the one that caused the delay. It's like a ju jitsu move. The more mad he gets that you can't stop everything to work on the project, the dumber he looks for sitting on his hands. I think a short "I can't get to this until next Wednesday" with no thanks or signature or anything is basically saying F off in not so many words because it tells the partner that you think he and his work are unimportant. If the guy is clearly below another person you're working for, you can say "I'm busy with a project for [higher ranking lawyer]" to kind of rub in what you think of him.


I worked for a fake deadline service partner, and this became my go to, except I would tell him I can't get on his project until 2-3 months down the road. After a while he wouldn't even make eye contact with me. As an aside, I do this same thing for anyone that doesn't fill their reviews of me with effusive, over the top praise. Don't give good reviews? Why should I do your work instead of the guy that does?

[Definitely Not North]

except I would tell him I can't get on his project until 2-3 months down the road

looooooool

[Anonymous User]

I work for a senior partner who is getting old and just plain doesn’t do work he doesn’t feel like doing until the very last minute, causing similar problems to what OP described.

The junior partner I work has told the senior partner to his face several times how annoying this is and how bad it is for the quality of our work when we’re unnecessarily rushing it. The senior partner says “I know, I know” and then acts the same. So I guess he knows he sucks?

And to OP - I guess you could form a yearslong relationship with this partner like the junior in my situation, until you have the kind of relationship where you can just regularly call him/her out on her bullshit with no repercussions. Is that what you want?

[hdr]

I once did something similar and it didn't go over so well. Another partner who liked me basically said "what the hell were you thinking, you should have just told him you don't have time, like the other associates do."

If you confront him you'll risk harming your reputation, but if you simply say you can't meet his deadlines (as many others here have advised), he'll eventually find someone else to bully. Use excuses like weddings, roadtrips, etc., even if you're sitting at home doing nothing.

[Anonymous User]

you only risk hurting yourself if you wear your feelings that openly

safest thing for you and the most effective way of screwing the partner over is to just not reply until the next day or two when you get an email like that on a friday night.

[RedNewJersey]

It's hard to say F off after anything happens, but maybe a bit easier before.

You said this person asks for materials repeatedly. In response to one of those emails, what about saying:

"[Jerk Partner],

I attached my previous email from [date] which attached the relevant documents.
As a note, it would be great to get these before [Thursday] if the deadline is going to be firm. On the last project, after sending these a week in advance, I did not receive comments until Saturday evening, which meant I had to cancel plans at the last minute. Like everyone, I am fine with working weekends when necessary, but, of course, I'm sending these sufficiently far in advance in the expectation that it will not be necessary, and accordingly have a few weekend plans."

[Anonymous User]

I agree with (1) waiting 6-12 hours to answer the next crappy weekend email, and then (2) saying

[Partner name],

I am unable to turn to these comments until [faraway time].

[You]

As someone else has said, this is very much a fuck you. It's really more of a fuck you than if you had actually gone on a rant. They will get the message.

The important thing is that if they followup, you again wait 6-12 hours and then hold the line -- once you draw [faraway time] line, don't waver from it.

[jarofsoup]

You could get a new job and just tell him to fuck off.

[Anonymous User]

I have a related question tell a partner to F off issue and sorry to hi jack this thread from OP. I am also switching to anonymous.

An immediate family member has a terminal illness. We live on opposite coasts Trying to visit them and work remotely but a partner has been very hostile towards me about saying I have to have coverage for the entire time I am basically going because our practice group leader approved it and is sympathetic. Basically told me that I work remotely anyway so what is the difference.

But I told the other partner has only said “my view is in my email.” Never expressed any sympathy towards me or anything. I don’t need it, but it makes me think they are a sociopath. I get a majority of my work from the sociopath.

Would this be a reason the leave the firm?

[CanadianWolf]

I once did something similar and it didn't go over so well. Another partner who liked me basically said "what the hell were you thinking, you should have just told him you don't have time, like the other associates do."

If you confront him you'll risk harming your reputation, but if you simply say you can't meet his deadlines (as many others here have advised), he'll eventually find someone else to bully. Use excuses like weddings, roadtrips, etc., even if you're sitting at home doing nothing.

This. Before acting, think about the consequences.

[Anonymous User]

I have a related question tell a partner to F off issue and sorry to hi jack this thread from OP. I am also switching to anonymous.

An immediate family member has a terminal illness. We live on opposite coasts Trying to visit them and work remotely but a partner has been very hostile towards me about saying I have to have coverage for the entire time I am basically going because our practice group leader approved it and is sympathetic. Basically told me that I work remotely anyway so what is the difference.

But I told the other partner has only said “my view is in my email.” Never expressed any sympathy towards me or anything. I don’t need it, but it makes me think they are a sociopath. I get a majority of my work from the sociopath.

Would this be a reason the leave the firm?

I mean yeah, if they can't even pretend to have an iota of sympathy then I would be done and looking for my way out. It's one thing if they apologized and said the situation was unavoidable (not that this is a good thing either). It's another if they just tell you to kick rocks and bill.

[maroon175]

I agree with (1) waiting 6-12 hours to answer the next crappy weekend email, and then (2) saying

[Partner name],

I am unable to turn to these comments until [faraway time].

[You]

As someone else has said, this is very much a fuck you. It's really more of a fuck you than if you had actually gone on a rant. They will get the message.

The important thing is that if they followup, you again wait 6-12 hours and then hold the line -- once you draw [faraway time] line, don't waver from it.

Totally agree that this is the biggest F you and the best approach. A rant or anything else you write out in an email will do more harm to you in the long run than serve as an F off to the partner.