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I am a 4th year in NYC BigLaw feeling completely burnt out (mostly due to personal crises - deaths, abusive spouse/divorce, loss of purpose now that I have no family, friend or a goal; also I have been working non-stop since I was 15, including on holidays/birthdays/etc.).

I only got to law school in my early 30s (had to pay for family and their troubles) and now in my late 30s, I have only saved about 100K (plus 40K in 401K). I actually don't mind the work itself (the first 2-3 years were actually good), but I feel beyond drained and that has been affecting my work for some time now (i.e. missing deadlines, including gov't filing deadlines, forgetting meetings, blinking out on names, withdrawing from office socials and hiding myself in the office as I burst into tears all of sudden). I feel like I will either get fired very soon (my review is coming up) or I should leave now for everyone's sake.

I understand that I should stick it out until the very day I am told to leave for extra money and better employment options (as it is easier to get another job when I have a job). But I feel that I need a prolonged break and getting a different job (whether at a different law firm, in-house or law related or not) will not solve the issue, since my burnout was not job-related. I also thought about asking for a leave but that would not be an option I am not in therapy (I tried a number of therapy/counseling but without much success, so I haven't been to one since).

Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I know you said you can't take leave because you aren't seeing a professional about your mental health, but I would still ask, rather than just wait to get fired. Talk to someone at your firm - ideally a partner you trust and who you know will support you. A couple months off, even if unpaid, is probably the safest bet even if you want to leave the firm, because then you don't have a resume gap. And truly, FMLA was made for this scenario. Get the documentation you need (find a doctor or therapist, even though you said it didn't work last time you tried therapy) and take the time off while still at your current job. It doesn't need to "work" for anything other than getting you the time off you need to recover. There isn't a rule that says you need to be in therapy for 6 months and have it actual work to qualify for FMLA. Does your firm have an EAP? Try calling the EAP for resources and they could tell you what documentation you'll need.

You mentioned not wanting to just go to a new job, and I'm similarly worried that if you just jump to a new job without addressing what's going on here, you might end up in the same position only without 3 years of goodwill built up. Getting out of an abusive relationship is incredibly difficult - no wonder you are struggling. I think you should try therapy/ medical help again - it can take a few different therapists to find one that works. There are domestic violence hotlines and services who can connect you with support groups, therapists, and other help. It sounds like you really need connections and a community right now, and a survivor's network can help.

At the end of the day, if you truly want to take a break from working, you won't be set back forever if you do. You have $100k saved, so presumably you can take a year or so off to work on recovering. Your health is more important than a resume gap.