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Hi everyone,

I am currently a second year associate at a large biglaw firm. I lateraled here after being given the firm three month handshake from my first firm. My hours are low, and in my mid year check in, this was highlighted, as well as my "choppy" work product; my partner mentor told the workflow manager for us to have a check in meeting "at the end of the summer" (i.e., right around the transition from second year to third year). While my workflow was high for the first couple weeks after that, it has since slowed down even more; if before I was billing at roughly 75% of the bonus minimum, now I am billing at (on average) 40-50% of that target on a weekly basis.

I'm no fool, and having had this happen at my last firm, it is clear where this is going. Sometime soon, probably around that time of the meeting at the end of the summer, I'll get quietly let go again, with maybe 3 or 4 months of paid website time if I am lucky. Honestly I cannot blame the firm; my work is legitimately sloppy, as I am not detail oriented and do miss things frequently.

Frankly it will almost be a relief; I have been severely depressed basically from the moment I started working in big law, stressed and frantic when I had enough work due to the pace, and frantic and anxious due to lack of hours when I wasn't. I have been aggressively paying down my loans, and should have them more or less paid off in the next few months, so no longer any need to stay for that reason. I hate everything about it and want desperately to move on. The only problem is I have no clue what to do with my life: I am one of those idiot K-JDs who just drifted into first law school, then big law out of inertia without figuring out what I wanted to do.

So my question for the forum is this: what are some good career resources, both within law and otherwise, for helping me to figure this out now, and get an early head start on figuring out my next steps before the firm makes the decision for me? I honestly believe myself to be reasonably smart and hardworking, if shitty at the things you need to be good at in order to be successful in big law. I just want to do something that doesn't keep me mired in depression to the point that it is beginning to impact my health.

Thank you in advance.

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your situation and hope you feel better soon.

I've been getting plenty of emails from recruiters, and many of them (in their form emails) offer to talk to me about career options and paths. Unfortunately, I don't know whether they mean it. Have you considered reaching out to a trustworthy recruiter?

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Also, my firm isn't doing well--both I and many of my classmates are extremely low on hours. I'm tired of living in constant fear that I'm going to lose my job.

Would you be willing to disclose what happened at your first firm?

And do you suspect that your low hours at your current firm are due to your work product and lack of enthusiasm?

I'm glad that you'll at least have paid off your loans.

I'm sorry, OP.

I would actually suggest finding a mental health professional as a first step. I don't think it makes sense to blithely decide on your big step while depressed and desperate; that would only take you further down the same kind of road that led you to do K-JD followed by BigLaw. Get your depression treated, then you'll be in a better state of mind to consider what you're actually passionate about. You will be in a pretty good spot with as much flexibility as possible, between your youth (this is where your former K-JD status becomes an advantage!), your BigLaw pedigree, and your soon-to-be debt-free status (you can justifiably feel proud of yourself for being so financially responsible - many/most of your yearmates can only dream of being debt-free).

Clearly BigLaw probably isn't the right fit for you, long-term. Attend to your health first, then go back to the drawing board. The world's your oyster! Consider the other types of legal careers described on these fora. Are you passionate about advocacy work or public interest? Would you be interested in clerking? Or government service? What about management consulting? Any desire to dive into politics? With the 2020 election looming, now's the perfect time to get involved if that draws your fancy.

You should also consider completely non-legal careers as well. Again, your advantage is your youth and your lack of debt. While it probably shouldn't be your first option - and be careful not to choose this just because school might feel "safe" to you at this point, as you've always excelled at it - it wouldn't be unrealistic or impractical for you to choose to pursue another degree. Many programs are relatively short (MPH, MSW, MBA, some nursing and other allied health programs) and even for an M.D. - probably the biggest change and the one that'd take the longest in terms of additional training - you're plenty young enough for the time/money investment to be reasonable if that's where your true passion lies.

On the MD thing.

One of my relatives told me he found emergency room to be least stressful. Patient is out of your hand by the end of shift and most hospitals have strict guidelines on your hours (liability and also because if you press the docs too hard, they’ll just go somewhere else.)

Just ask around. I am sure there is something that suits your work style.

The only problem is I have no clue what to do with my life: I am one of those idiot K-JDs who just drifted into first law school, then big law out of inertia without figuring out what I wanted to do.

So my question for the forum is this: what are some good career resources, both within law and otherwise, for helping me to figure this out now, and get an early head start on figuring out my next steps before the firm makes the decision for me?

First, don't burden yourself with having to figure your entire life out right now. Focus on finding an exit that will keep you housed, clothed, and fed. There are many legal and legal-adjacent jobs that aren't as stressful as biglaw. Since you're almost out of debt, you don't need a $200k salary to survive.

Second, think about what the root cause of the issues are. Is it choppy work product because you simply don't care? Is it because you're overstressed trying to get things right? Is it because you're not putting in the hours necessary? Is it because you don't understand the work you're doing? Most people who have made it to where you are don't fail because of a lack of capacity to properly complete the work. Usually it's something else.

Third, if you know a few people you trust at the firm to give you good advice, approach them about the deficiencies in your work product. I don't think it's a foregone conclusion that you're out of the firm, but I think that you need to put in a lot of effort to recover from a bad first impression. Find a senior associate and schedule a weekly 1 hour meeting where you bring your recent/pending work product and have them walk through it and show you what they would do differently. Schedule a different meeting with another senior associate to talk about the areas of law where your understanding isn't great. Yes, it puts you even further behind the ball on billables, but that will fix itself as your skills improve. This is the hardest part for me, personally. It's hard to sacrifice even more time in the week for something that doesn't show up in your end of year metric. However, it's absolutely necessary to get intensive technical help if you're getting signs from the firm that your work product isn't up to snuff.

Finally, start networking. A lot. You should be a regular fixture at all events around your area of law. This will help with your understanding of the law, but it'll also set the groundwork for the possibility that you're out in 2 or 3 months.