Spouse advice Forum

[Hiphopanonyspouse]

Assuming you guys are in Philly, he should also broaden his parameters to looking at Delaware firms. The commute wouldn't be bad, he'd probably be pretty competitive (though it would obviously depend on what openings firms have), and Biglaw market there is higher than in Philly

Yes he is very interested in Wilmington. I meant more commuting to NYC every day for two years would be pretty shitty. It's not that he wouldn't do it. But we can't move. I have a job and we have family here. That's important to us. I actually thought being loyal to philly would help him to a degree go figure!

[Hiphopanonyspouse]

Why is there such a concern about him not getting biglaw, specifically? Is it that he hates the DA's office and it looks like that's his only option for a job, period, or are you concerned you won't have enough money to do _____ if he's at the DA's office/not in biglaw?

If it's the former:
- if he likes the DA's office but not trials, specifically, he could try getting a semester internship in the appeals group, if they'll let him
- there are options other than biglaw, like clerkships, midlaw, fed, smaller firms, nonprofits, etc., most of which don't hire at OCI; he's not stuck at the place he interns 2L summer, as long as he does some hustling now.

If it's the latter:
- maybe it's just time to start making plans that don't require him having that biglaw salary? If he still gets it it'll be a bonus for you guys, but you may be causing your own stress by assuming you need that biglaw salary to live comfortably.

I echo other people's general sentiments that we can tell you what he could do, but it doesn't matter much if he doesn't want to do those things. It's also kind of concerning that he's not at least telling you that all these other career options exist, since he should know about them and it's not unreasonable for a spouse to want to know what those options are and which ones the spouse plans to pursue.

Thanks. This is good info. He's fine with not having. I law. A job is a job. Benefits of smaller loans.

[njdevils2626]

Assuming you guys are in Philly, he should also broaden his parameters to looking at Delaware firms. The commute wouldn't be bad, he'd probably be pretty competitive (though it would obviously depend on what openings firms have), and Biglaw market there is higher than in Philly

Yes he is very interested in Wilmington. I meant more commuting to NYC every day for two years would be pretty shitty. It's not that he wouldn't do it. But we can't move. I have a job and we have family here. That's important to us. I actually thought being loyal to philly would help him to a degree go figure!

I definitely agree that commuting to NYC every day would be awful and it would probably end up requiring you guys to uproot your entire lives which would suck. I don't think that you're wrong in thinking that local ties will help him find a job, it just hasn't happened yet. For Biglaw hiring as a 3L, the most important thing is to specialize. Firms will be looking to hire for specific practice groups so his resume will need to scream that he's the best person for that specific group. After that, he'll just have to hope to get lucky, because 3L hiring can be fickle. It's far from impossible, it's just more difficult, but he has competitive stats and if he hustles and networks (he should be reaching out to attorneys/grads in the area who practice what he's interested in and ideally trying to leverage professors who taught him those courses to reach out on his behalf), then he stands a decent shot.

Best of luck to both of you

[Hiphopanonyspouse]

Thanks for all the good advice. I am just but. Store a very nervous worrying person. It's not helpful in this situation so I am trying my best to be supportive and not nagging.

If an admin could remove, I'd appreciate. I don't know how to contact one.

Good luck to everyone. I have no doubt we will be fine, I just have constant anxiety about stuff that's out of my control.

[LurkerTurnedMember]

You should sit him down and talk to him. I don't mean to be mean, and I apologize if this comes as a bit insensitive, but this seems primarily like a relationship issue. You already seem to know everything, that it's not a good financial situation to be in (you seem to have a child you're taking care of and taking on loans so you can both have the child taken care of while you work and pay the bills while he struck out at OCI, is now doing DA work but doesn't seem to like it, and it's uncommon to go from DA 2L summer to biglaw, plus I don't know of any federal clerkship that is still accepting apps to start in Fall 2018). If he has a lot of loans, it's going to put even more strain on the family. So you NEED to talk to him about this. I don't care if he feels bad and gets defensive. Make sure you're open minded and let him know you're there to help him in any way and you're in it together, but don't let up on confronting him about this. Don't let him just bury his head in the sand and all of a sudden you're in a bad situation cause he's too prideful to tackle the situation head on.

Here would be my strategy:

(1) perfect app materials and mass mail to firms asap, and have a good story ready to tell when asked why DA 2L summer
(2) mass mail apps to federal magistrate judges. Their hiring timeline might be slower and it's an easier clerkship to land.
(3) mail apps for state court clerkship, maybe a state supreme court clerkship will pop up
(4) if he's open to public interest, try that.

[elendinel]

Thanks for all the good advice. I am just but. Store a very nervous worrying person. It's not helpful in this situation so I am trying my best to be supportive and not nagging.

If an admin could remove, I'd appreciate. I don't know how to contact one.

Good luck to everyone. I have no doubt we will be fine, I just have constant anxiety about stuff that's out of my control.

I mean to be fair you you, you wouldn't have to worry if the dude was willing to explain what the options are and was willing to discuss he'll pursue, rather than cutting you off at "it'll work out." I get this is a stressful time for him but there's just no good excuse for not explaining this stuff to a spouse (especially a spouse unfamiliar with the field and what this all means for the future).

[OutCold]

I know the Philly market well. Penn law alum and clerked there. Feel free to connect me with your spouse via pm. I might be able to help him brainstorm. For instance, Judge Smith on EDPA is former Navy JAG, though he doesn't sit in Philly. He might also do well with some of the former prosecutors like Judge Davis, especially if he is spending the summer in that office. Aside from the DA's office, there are a handful of higher end plaintiffs' firms in the city that would probably give him a good look. As people have mentioned, he can also apply to DOJ honors later.

[A. Nony Mouse]

I know the Philly market well. Penn law alum and clerked there. Feel free to connect me with your spouse via pm. I might be able to help him brainstorm. For instance, Judge Smith on EDPA is former Navy JAG, though he doesn't sit in Philly. He might also do well with some of the former prosecutors like Judge Davis, especially if he is spending the summer in that office. Aside from the DA's office, there are a handful of higher end plaintiffs' firms in the city that would probably give him a good look. As people have mentioned, he can also apply to DOJ honors later.

(Not if "later" means after working for a firm.)

[OutCold]

I know the Philly market well. Penn law alum and clerked there. Feel free to connect me with your spouse via pm. I might be able to help him brainstorm. For instance, Judge Smith on EDPA is former Navy JAG, though he doesn't sit in Philly. He might also do well with some of the former prosecutors like Judge Davis, especially if he is spending the summer in that office. Aside from the DA's office, there are a handful of higher end plaintiffs' firms in the city that would probably give him a good look. As people have mentioned, he can also apply to DOJ honors later.

(Not if "later" means after working for a firm.)

Right, that's what I meant.