Total detachment from classmates when employment situation is uncertain? Forum

[Anonymous User]

2L strikeouts & 3L no-offer's: Ever feel the need to isolate yourself completely for a year or 2 while you figure out your own employment?

Especially when your school is such that the overwhelming majority have no problem getting 2LSAs & jobs with V[whatever] firms.

Ever feel like you need to move heaven & earth to snag a "prestigious job" that you wouldn't be ashamed of telling your friends about?

Or is it just me? How to get over it?

[Anonymous User]

normal to feel this way but can't let it consume you. shits all in your head. your friends just want you to be happy.

[Anonymous User]

2L strikeouts & 3L no-offer's: Ever feel the need to isolate yourself completely for a year or 2 while you figure out your own employment?

Especially when your school is such that the overwhelming majority have no problem getting 2LSAs & jobs with V[whatever] firms.

Ever feel like you need to move heaven & earth to snag a "prestigious job" that you wouldn't be ashamed of telling your friends about?

Or is it just me? How to get over it?

.

[Anonymous User]

normal to feel this way but can't let it consume you. shits all in your head. your friends just want you to be happy.

Yes but I don't want them to think less of me (incompetent, fuckup, etc). Just strange that I'd rather totally avoid them and watch the friendship passively decay because I "choose" to not spend any time with them.

[Anonymous User]

I'm in same boat as you which is why I've started the 2016 strike out thread. Need to detach and feel like being alone but also need someone to talk to about this. There may be others in same boat as you. If someone tries to reach out to you tho, don't shut them out or at least let them know what's up and that you need to be on your own or whatever

[Anonymous User]

I'm in same boat as you which is why I've started the 2016 strike out thread. Need to detach and feel like being alone but also need someone to talk to about this. There may be others in same boat as you. If someone tries to reach out to you tho, don't shut them out or at least let them know what's up and that you need to be on your own or whatever

Isn't letting them know what's up the last thing I'd want to happen?

[Anonymous User]

I was this exactly a year ago after striking out in early august until end of Sept when I finally got my offer. You really haven't "Struck out" for at least a month or two, just keep mailing as much as it sucks.

[Anonymous User]

I was this exactly a year ago after striking out in early august until end of Sept when I finally got my offer. You really haven't "Struck out" for at least a month or two, just keep mailing as much as it sucks.

What about when it gets to the stage "try again next year"? Would you have gone the whole year (or more) in total isolation?

[Anonymous User]

2L strikeouts & 3L no-offer's: Ever feel the need to isolate yourself completely for a year or 2 while you figure out your own employment?

Especially when your school is such that the overwhelming majority have no problem getting 2LSAs & jobs with V[whatever] firms.

Ever feel like you need to move heaven & earth to snag a "prestigious job" that you wouldn't be ashamed of telling your friends about?

Or is it just me? How to get over it?

It's tough man. One of my classmates literally answered a CB call and couldn't contain her excitement in front of 20 or so of us conglomerated in the OCI suite waiting for interviews. I feel like hiding under a rock

Was this cornell

[Anonymous User]

So, I can empathize with these feelings after being utterly decimated by my school's pre-select process. I'm talking top 25%, bid safely, years of WE, annnnddddd... 4 pre-selects out of X bids.

I know it's different, but I spent my summer dealing with extreme anxiety and voluntarily kept my feelings to myself because law school! Everything's fine! I'm fine! Yippee! Of course I'm happy with my interview schedule!

It sucked.

Obviously everyone is different, but I'd encourage you guys to find people you trust enough to talk to. There's a reason why the legal field is full of mental health issues, but once I started opening up to 1-2 classmates, I realized that a) my experience wasn't unique and b) many others shared my anxiety and wished others would be open. I truly wish y'all the best.

[lavarman84]

normal to feel this way but can't let it consume you. shits all in your head. your friends just want you to be happy.

Yes but I don't want them to think less of me (incompetent, fuckup, etc). Just strange that I'd rather totally avoid them and watch the friendship passively decay because I "choose" to not spend any time with them.

You're projecting.

[A. Nony Mouse]

normal to feel this way but can't let it consume you. shits all in your head. your friends just want you to be happy.

Yes but I don't want them to think less of me (incompetent, fuckup, etc). Just strange that I'd rather totally avoid them and watch the friendship passively decay because I "choose" to not spend any time with them.

I totally get why you want to isolate yourself, but would you think less of your friends who struck out?

Edit: just to make sure I'm clear - that's not meant as criticism as all. I just mean you should be kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your situation - you wouldn't think less of them and they won't think less of you.

[zot1]

My 2L year was a little rough for me because most of my friends had secured post-grad jobs and I hadn't. I isolated myself quite a bit.

Eventually I got over it and went back to being my normal social self.

But, I still regret that I spent part of my second year feeling sorry for myself. It didn't help me get a job, and in some ways, you could say it harmed me. Making and maintaining connections in law school is more important than some students realize.

Take a week, do what you need to do to decompress, and get back on the grind. You're not a failure at all. You just weren't in the right place at the right time during the first wave of opportunity. That doesn't mean that you'll be in the best spot for the second wave. But you can't be if you're moping about.

Good luck!

P.S. Although it took me longer than my peers to get a job, I'm generally happier than most of them in regards to job outcome. So having to wait to get a job is not all that bad of a thing.

[Anonymous User]

I'm in the same boat. Most of the people that I have talked to offered to help with mock interviews and get me in touch with their connections. Definitely don't isolate yourself.

It's bad for mental health and it's bad for finding the job.

I definitely wouldn't spread the news wide either because there are definitely people who think less of you for not getting an offer in the first round. But such tools identify themselves from a mile away.

[Anonymous User]

normal to feel this way but can't let it consume you. shits all in your head. your friends just want you to be happy.

Yes but I don't want them to think less of me (incompetent, fuckup, etc). Just strange that I'd rather totally avoid them and watch the friendship passively decay because I "choose" to not spend any time with them.

I totally get why you want to isolate yourself, but would you think less of your friends who struck out?

Edit: just to make sure I'm clear - that's not meant as criticism as all. I just mean you should be kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your situation - you wouldn't think less of them and they won't think less of you.

No I wouldn't think any less of them. That'd be true even if I hadn't been thru this myself. I'm just thinking that employers would think "if s/he's still on the market after 2L OCI, there must be something wrong." Wouldn't classmates who generally know less about employment candidates than the employers themselves jump to the same conclusion?

[A. Nony Mouse]

normal to feel this way but can't let it consume you. shits all in your head. your friends just want you to be happy.

Yes but I don't want them to think less of me (incompetent, fuckup, etc). Just strange that I'd rather totally avoid them and watch the friendship passively decay because I "choose" to not spend any time with them.

I totally get why you want to isolate yourself, but would you think less of your friends who struck out?

Edit: just to make sure I'm clear - that's not meant as criticism as all. I just mean you should be kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your situation - you wouldn't think less of them and they won't think less of you.

No I wouldn't think any less of them. That'd be true even if I hadn't been thru this myself. I'm just thinking that employers would think "if s/he's still on the market after 2L OCI, there must be something wrong." Wouldn't classmates who generally know less about employment candidates than the employers themselves jump to the same conclusion?

I'm confused - if you wouldn't think any less of them, why would they think any less of you? Or are you saying you *would* jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with your friends who end up in this situation?

You may well have specific friends who aren't helpful to you during this time, and there's no need to make yourself hang around them. But the vast majority of friends, if they're actually friends, are going to be sympathetic and not think less of you. It may be that isolating yourself is what you need to do right now, but I'm just saying you may be cutting yourself off from sources of support, because your friends are not going to think badly of you.

But I get that emotionally if friends are in good situations with jobs it can be really hard to be around them.

[zot1]

I get why you'd think that, but actual employers know that you're not the first nor the last student to strike out. It happens to a lot of people, many who go on to become successful anyway.

Get into the Olympic spirit: on your first event, you didn't complete your jump right and stepped out of bounds. Finish your floor routine and then move on to the next event. The mishap is over with.

[Anonymous User]

I'm confused - if you wouldn't think any less of them, why would they think any less of you? Or are you saying you *would* jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with your friends who end up in this situation?

You may well have specific friends who aren't helpful to you during this time, and there's no need to make yourself hang around them. But the vast majority of friends, if they're actually friends, are going to be sympathetic and not think less of you. It may be that isolating yourself is what you need to do right now, but I'm just saying you may be cutting yourself off from sources of support, because your friends are not going to think badly of you.

But I get that emotionally if friends are in good situations with jobs it can be really hard to be around them.

I wouldn't, but I believe/think/fear that they would. Whether that belief is well-founded is dubious, but that doesn't make shame/embarrassment any less of a magnetic repulsion.

[Anonymous User]

I actually feel this way too. I feel like hiding under a rock for the next year. Even though that probably is not a good idea.

[Anonymous User]

Followup question: When your friends notice that you've gone AWOL for an extended period of time (more so than upperclassmen typically go AWOL), do they assume that the reason is because of employment uncertainty?

If so, doesn't that reinforce the inadvisability of avoidance?

[A. Nony Mouse]

I really don't think you should spend so much emotional energy worrying about what your friends think about your employment situation. People have plenty enough to worry about in their own lives.

[Anonymous User]

I really don't think you should spend so much emotional energy worrying about what your friends think about your employment situation. People have plenty enough to worry about in their own lives.

Well yes I've hammered into my thick skull a long time ago that most people are more concerned about what they're getting for dinner than what Anonymous User #1501932123 is up to.

That doesn't make hanging out with them any easier, where the "small talk" question "so where were you/will you be" will inevitably come up.

Merely thinking that they DGAF is already done; but how can I behave around them in accordance with that attitude?

[Anonymous User]

This time last year I came out of eip with one callback. My friends had several callbacks and were getting offers from cravath, sullcrom, PW, etc. I felt miserable and to be honest couldn't really be around them out of both personal shame and because I couldnt deal with how comfortable they were vs how miserable i was.

This is how it is. Law school, in many ways, will create the perception of winners and losers, and when you feel like youre on the latter side, it can hurt. You are okay to want your space. Just know that your friends are rooting for you and want the best, but they will (and mine did) understand that you may need your space for a while.

This can be a very existential moment in your life. I know it was for me. It included panic attacks, bouts of tears, dejection. It sucks.

That said, it's far from over. And people continue to get firms well into November and beyond. Keep your head up.

[jchiles]

i got my post grad job mainly because I was upfront about not having anything lined up ( friend of a friend referred me to a job they heard about through their own networking). It sucks for sure to strike out but if you disconnect people may assume you have something and not think of you when a job does show up.

[Anonymous User]

Bumping this because I'm in a major state of despair. At a T14 and people are posting about how our school has been doing well. Also have people from our school posting on Facebook about their amazing callbacks. Feel like shit.