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Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 8:50 pm
by Anonymous User
I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 8:53 pm
by Anastasia Dee Dualla
Anonymous User wrote:I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.
Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 8:59 pm
by Anonymous User
Anastasia Dee Dualla wrote:Anonymous User wrote:I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.
Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?
I could try, but I doubt it would work.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 9:13 pm
by Actus Reus
Family will take you back if you miss it . It's not a great look if you're the only one not there
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 9:28 pm
by Anastasia Dee Dualla
Actus Reus wrote:Family will take you back if you miss it . It's not a great look if you're the only one not there
This is probably the credited response. Silly as they may seem, those summer social events matter.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 9:34 pm
by KM2016
Anastasia Dee Dualla wrote:Actus Reus wrote:Family will take you back if you miss it . It's not a great look if you're the only one not there
This is probably the credited response. Silly as they may seem, those summer social events matter.
TCR. I wouldn't miss a
scheduled SA event, especially a weekend retreat where the firm is spending a considerable amount of time and money on the summer associates. People will notice you're not there, and needless to say that's not a good thing. Missing the impromptu happy hours is fine if you have prior commitments, but I wouldn't miss this retreat.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 9:36 pm
by Cogburn87
Anastasia Dee Dualla wrote:
Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?
Biglaw summarized in one sentence.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 9:39 pm
by reversingentropy
Not a big deal if you miss the event. Though if it becomes a trend (i.e. you miss 2-3 of the scheduled events) people will notice.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 9:59 pm
by Anonymous User
I would go to the event. Two firms I summered at had firmwide events and it would have been really weird for someone to not go. I think the entire summer class went in both cases, including people who weren't working for the firm at the time of the retreat.
The whole summer is an interview. This is one thing you can do to ensure that you get a job at a really pivotal moment in your life. Do something with your family any other weekend.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 10:06 pm
by WhiskeynCoke
Anonymous User wrote:I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.
Go to the firm event. You might be fine not going but why even risk it? Your SA is precisely the opportunity you'll have spent 3 years of your life and hundreds of thousands of dollars for. Don't blow it.
If your family loves you, which I hope they do, they'll understand. By all means, help them to understand. They might be disappointed at first, but blood is thicker than water, etc.
Besides, I'm sure none of them is about to offer you a $160k starting salary straight out of law school. Just ask them, "how would you feel if you contributed to me losing my job offer, just for some family gathering?"
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 10:15 pm
by CanadianWolf
You need to stick with your new family--especially if you have student loan debt.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 10:19 pm
by TLSModBot
CanadianWolf wrote:You need to stick with your new family--especially if you have student loan debt.
CR. You need to kiss your old family goodbye at some point - Biglaw is a jealous mistress and does not take kindly to interlopers. If your family doesn't understand, it's not like you'll be seeing them again anyway.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 10:20 pm
by Cogburn87
WhiskeynCoke wrote:Anonymous User wrote:I'm supposed to go to a family event the same weekend my summer firm is doing a firm-wide retreat. Firm says it's not mandatory, but I worry I'll make a bad impression if I don't go. At the same time, some family members will be hurt if I don't go to the family event. Can anyone offer some general advice? My inclination is to go to the family event, but I really don't want to hurt my chances of getting an offer. Thanks.
Go to the firm event. You might be fine not going but why even risk it? Your SA is precisely the opportunity you'll have spent 3 years of your life and hundreds of thousands of dollars for. Don't blow it.
If your family loves you, which I hope they do, they'll understand. By all means, help them to understand. They might be disappointed at first, but blood is thicker than water, etc.
Besides, I'm sure none of them is about to offer you a $160k starting salary straight out of law school. Just ask them,
"how would you feel if you contributed to me losing my job offer, just for some family gathering?"
Use these exact words. You have to stop letting them hold you back, OP.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:15 pm
by Anonymous User
What about if firm-wide retreat conflicts with OCI? (1L SA). obviously I have to suck it up and miss the retreat right?
ETA: I'm not OP
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:21 pm
by El Pollito
Cogburn87 wrote:Anastasia Dee Dualla wrote:
Can't you just explain it to your family so they aren't hurt?
Biglaw summarized in one sentence.
lol
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:22 pm
by chicagoriver
I am surprised nobody discuss the dress code for such summer events.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:32 pm
by skers
You can miss a single event, jfc. It't NBD. It'll probably be more fun than doing shit w/ the family though, so your loss.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:33 pm
by El Pollito
skers wrote:You can miss a single event, jfc. It't NBD. It'll probably be more fun than doing shit w/ the family though, so your loss.
not a firm retreat though
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 12:00 am
by Emma.
El Pollito wrote:
not a firm retreat though
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 2:25 am
by juzam_djinn
Anonymous User wrote:What about if firm-wide retreat conflicts with OCI? (1L SA). obviously I have to suck it up and miss the retreat right?
ETA: I'm not OP
You'd absolutely screw it up by even mentioning OCI
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 2:43 am
by hdunlop
If it's a funeral they'll probably understand, tho that'd be strange to plan
There's a shot at a wedding of a sibling. Extended family wedding seems needy
If it's a family reunion I'd think you're a moron to miss an unpaid internship for it, they're doing you a favor
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 2:44 am
by hdunlop
Are the family members your young children?
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 3:25 am
by BaiAilian2013
You absolutely cannot miss a weekend retreat for a personal event unless it's a funeral or your own wedding. Later in your career there will be more latitude, but as a summer, the firm is spending a lot of money on the stupid task of recruiting you, and consequently it is seen as churlish to miss this stuff without very good reason.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 7:02 am
by TLSModBot
As we've established elsewhere on TLS, even your own wedding is suspect. Your funeral is maybe OK. MAYBE.
Re: Missing weekend social event during SA
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:58 am
by r6_philly
I am not sure if everyone is trolling or not but missing a summer event is not going to cost your job in the short term. Everything has its consequences, but it is not that dire if everything is otherwise fine.
I mean, also, that's why TCR is to choose 100% offer firms.