Top Law Schools

This sounds like a huge flame, but, surprisingly, my pee stick informs me that I have some kind of a blessing on the way. This was entirely unplanned. My boyfriend and I currently live together, and are both first year lit associates. Can this be done? Has anyone done this? Looking for advice and people's experience with shit--whether it was (a) I did it, it's doable, (b) I did it, I wanted to kill self, (c) I cut that shit out right quick, or (d) something else.

Again, I realize this reads as a flame and my tone probably doesn't help my cause, but that's how I deal with nonsense like this. I can't tell anyone but the bf for now, so I thought I would talk to the internet. This definitely wasn't planned. We were planning on getting engaged in the next six months, but shit.

Have nothing useful to add, but Congrats!!!

I don't see why it wouldn't be totally fine.

No idea, but if you were thinking of lateralling to something else in the near future then you could cop that maternity leave for a nice 12 week paid vacation in between jobs.

arklaw13 wrote:No idea, but if you were thinking of lateralling to something else in the near future then you could cop that maternity leave for a nice 12 week paid vacation in between jobs.

OP here. Sadly, I love my job. We did not plan for kids until early 30s (at least 5 years from now). I'm not stoked about this prospect, but I'm not too pleased about the other option.

Anonymous User wrote:

arklaw13 wrote:No idea, but if you were thinking of lateralling to something else in the near future then you could cop that maternity leave for a nice 12 week paid vacation in between jobs.

OP here. Sadly, I love my job. We did not plan for kids until early 30s (at least 5 years from now). I'm not stoked about this prospect, but I'm not too pleased about the other option.

Woah woah woah... you love your job? TLS conventional wisdom broken.

i know someone who did this and it wasn't an issue at all. also you could just not have the kid.

Anonymous User wrote: that's how I deal with nonsense like this. I can't tell anyone but the bf for now, so I thought I would talk to the internet. This definitely wasn't planned. We were planning on getting engaged in the next six months, but shit.

That's a really rough situation. I understand why you wouldn't want to talk to your friends and family about something so private—but I also know how much harder that can make everything.

I don't have any insight into how hard either path would be. My situation is roughly like what your's was before this news, so I certainly can't speak from personal experience either way. But I sympathize with you and hope that you're able to come to a decision that you're happy with. If it's what you want, then either way you will have made the right choice.

Does your firm have a women's affinity group? Might be a good source of personal experience + situation specific relation...

I've read about pregnant associates being pushed out. I think its a rare occurrence though. Try to keep a record of everything related to your performance, good luck, and congrats.

mvp99 wrote:I've read about pregnant associates being pushed out. I think its a rare occurrence though. Try to keep a record of everything related to your performance, good luck, and congrats.

By the bolded above, are you suggesting that OP try to sue if she's pushed out? If so, I think that's pretty bad advice.

I mean, I wish we lived in a different world, but with the laws/culture we live in, the OP would probably lose that sort of suit—and would definitely tank her career prospects. Maybe even hurt her boyfriend's prospects, for that matter. We're just too fungible to get into that sort of fight with firms when they hold all the cards.

That said, pushed out ≠ unemployed and, from a financial perspective, a double-biglaw family income followed by a biglaw+lower paying attorney job should be ok. I know money is never totally not a factor, but this should be a lot more about whether the two of you want to be parents now.

Frayed Knot wrote:

mvp99 wrote:I've read about pregnant associates being pushed out. I think its a rare occurrence though. Try to keep a record of everything related to your performance, good luck, and congrats.

By the bolded above, are you suggesting that OP try to sue if she's pushed out? If so, I think that's pretty bad advice.

I mean, I wish we lived in a different world, but with the laws/culture we live in, the OP would probably lose that sort of suit—and would definitely tank her career prospects. Maybe even hurt her boyfriend's prospects, for that matter. We're just too fungible to get into that sort of fight with firms when they hold all the cards.

That said, pushed out ≠ unemployed and, from a financial perspective, a double-biglaw family income followed by a biglaw+lower paying attorney job should be ok. I know money is never totally not a factor, but this should be a lot more about whether the two of you want to be parents now.

Na man.. I'm not trying to decide for her. Not saying she that should try or even that she should. In any case, its probably very unlikely that will happen.

u know abortion is legal right

I have not done this but one of my close friends did (she went right through and I took time off, so we're the same age but she's a couple years ahead of me law-career wise). She felt like she just sort of "lost" the first year of firm time, but that it was not a bad year to lose - she had no problem taking a maternity leave and just kind of came back afterwards and started over. She and her husband were otherwise ready for a baby and eager to have it/make it work, so they did. (Husband was in law at the time; worked for awhile (another year? don't remember exactly) after the baby arrived but hated his job so exited biglaw to go part-time somewhere; he is now the primary parent).

Her experience and that of other friends in demanding careers make me think that there is NO good time to have children. You will face career penalties no matter when you do it and the penalty might be greater if you wait. If you and your boyfriend want this it will work out. People with far fewer financial resources and coping skills have children all the time and often do a pretty good job of it too.

baal hadad wrote:u know abortion is legal right

come on bro. Even as a rape slash fiction poster I know this is wrong. Same goes for fatduck.

Desert Fox wrote:

baal hadad wrote:u know abortion is legal right

come on bro. Even as a rape slash fiction poster I know this is wrong. Same goes for fatduck.

i used a euphemism, no foul

As a junior associate (male, so grain of salt) at a V15 with 2 kids, I'll add a few thoughts, only because I sympathize, and because I don't really hear much positivity in the responses:
(i) Having a kid as a first year might be a really great time - think about it - do you have any real professional responsibility? Are clients calling you? Got a big trial coming up? Nope. You have no responsibility, you're totally fungible, and you're in the unique position where you can clear your schedule for 6 months of maternity leave or whatever and you'll be totally fine. Maybe, it is the best time to have a kid? Come back to your job - you'll have missed practically nothing of real importance - and restart your career with the new normal.
(ii) If you're at a decent firm, (i.e. one that doesn't really suck) I can't imagine this being that negative. I mean, it's not like law firms don't face this all the freaking time. And work/life, parental issues are a huge deal right now, so it's not like you're going to get canned for it.
(iii) In the bigger picture of things, and I sound like a stereotypical parent here - having a kid is challenging, but fulfilling in a way that really nothing else in life can compare to. To be less rosy, but more direct - fuck your job. Who cares in 20-30 years? You're either going to hate it or get canned or move on in 4-6 years anyway. In the big picture of your life, the next year of your career means hardly anything of meaning. So why not embrace a beautiful surprise.
(I know that's super-cheesy. Still valid.)

mmelittlechicken wrote:I don't see why it wouldn't be totally fine.

Again.

mmelittlechicken wrote:

mmelittlechicken wrote:I don't see why it wouldn't be totally fine.

Again.

Apart from people treating you like you aren't DEDICATED TO TEH JOB, but they'd do that no matter when. Probably best to do it when nobody expects anything anyway.

ppl will probably forget you started and just think you came off a clerkship or something.

As long as you're okay with your super conservative partners doing the math on the age of your kid.

Probably won't impact you that much

I agree with the assessment that it might actually be a good time to have a child. Also congratulations!

Anonymous User wrote:As a junior associate (male, so grain of salt) at a V15 with 2 kids, I'll add a few thoughts, only because I sympathize, and because I don't really hear much positivity in the responses:
(i) Having a kid as a first year might be a really great time - think about it - do you have any real professional responsibility? Are clients calling you? Got a big trial coming up? Nope. You have no responsibility, you're totally fungible, and you're in the unique position where you can clear your schedule for 6 months of maternity leave or whatever and you'll be totally fine. Maybe, it is the best time to have a kid? Come back to your job - you'll have missed practically nothing of real importance - and restart your career with the new normal.
(ii) If you're at a decent firm, (i.e. one that doesn't really suck) I can't imagine this being that negative. I mean, it's not like law firms don't face this all the freaking time. And work/life, parental issues are a huge deal right now, so it's not like you're going to get canned for it.
(iii) In the bigger picture of things, and I sound like a stereotypical parent here - having a kid is challenging, but fulfilling in a way that really nothing else in life can compare to. To be less rosy, but more direct - fuck your job. Who cares in 20-30 years? You're either going to hate it or get canned or move on in 4-6 years anyway. In the big picture of your life, the next year of your career means hardly anything of meaning. So why not embrace a beautiful surprise.
(I know that's super-cheesy. Still valid.)

Perfect answer. I am also a first year associate and am currently 9 weeks pregnant. I already have a 12 year old son so this will be baby #2 (huge gap). I am planning on announcing my pregnancy to my firm when I am 12-14 weeks (when the chance of miscarriage is very slim). At first I was very anxious about the whole situation because I just started working in August but then realized that what's done is done. My husband and I are over the moon excited about our new baby and so are our families and I am not going to let any 'disappointed lawyers' ruin that. Life is too short! I also agree that going on maternity leave my first year seems to be the best time since I have zero clients and am still in the 'just learning' stage so I have nothing on my plate that is extremely urgent. And seriously, if your job is not supportive about something as normal and natural as having a baby then fuck your job. Good luck to you and your soon-to-be husband! Motherhood is a wonderful experience! Oh and FYI.. if you have any student loans, make sure you call them and let them know. You can reduce your monthly payments because you will now be expecting a +1.


And to the person who made the abortion comment... you are an insensitive POS douche. Hopefully you never reproduce. The world will be a better place.

It's never a perfect time to have kids, so if you planned on having kids eventually and want to be with this guy long-term, go full speed ahead with your new family and never look back. I can almost guarantee you that you'll be glad you did. Take it from me; I had a kid at a really inopportune time, but I did it on purpose because I wanted to have my 2-3 kids before I was mid/late 30's. Now I am very happy with that decision, I won't have kids in the house when I'm 50, and I can't imagine having a newborn now that I have an established practice.

Even though I may be less busy overall than when I was in law school or a second-year associate, the nature of the obligations would make it harder to deal with parenting a newborn now. When your kid inevitably gets sick/injured/hospitalized, missing a class or turning in a "soft deadline" project late is one thing; dealing with moving / resolving / trying to attend a dozen hearings and client meetings is another.

So...congrats. Oh yeah, the whole job thing that was the main purpose of the thread: don't worry about it. They'll either be good about it or you'll find another job. That sounds flippant, but you'll understand after your child is born.

There was a first-year associate at the firm where I was a paralegal before law school who got pregnant within a few months of joining the firm (NYC firm). I didn't talk to her much about it, but my understanding is that the firm still expected her to work long hours; indeed, she was just as busy as anyone else (if not busier). She didn't seem all too happy with how the firm was treating her, but hey, neither did the non-pregnant associates.