Page 1 of 13
Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:49 pm
by 09042014
- miss deadlines with no warning
- skip a lot social events
- blame someone else for your mistakes
- be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
- wearing booty shorts to a firm event
- complain
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:50 pm
by El Pollito
Ask if the secretaries give handies.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:53 pm
by MKC
El Pollito wrote:Ask if the secretaries give handies.
Why would anyone ask about such an obvious perk? TCR is to just whip it out at her desk.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:53 pm
by 09042014
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:55 pm
by IAFG
- invent fake cases to cite in your research memo
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:56 pm
by 09042014
IAFG wrote:- invent fake cases to cite in your research memo
dont out boo bro
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:57 pm
by rad lulz
.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 4:59 pm
by 84651846190
Desert Fox wrote:- miss deadlines with no warning
- skip a lot social events
- blame someone else for your mistakes
- be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
- wearing booty shorts to a firm event
- complain
Depending on what you look like, booty shorts might actually be a good thing for winning over certain biglaw partners.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:03 pm
by existenz
Reply-all to firmwide emails in order to share your snowflake opinions on things
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:05 pm
by 09042014
Biglaw_Associate_V20 wrote:Desert Fox wrote:- miss deadlines with no warning
- skip a lot social events
- blame someone else for your mistakes
- be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
- wearing booty shorts to a firm event
- complain
Depending on what you look like, booty shorts might actually be a good thing for wining over certain biglaw partners.
Even if you make a male partner want to fuck you, you'll piss off a metric fuckton of flabby female partners.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:08 pm
by 09042014
callin ga partner a [homophobic language redacted] and putting him in a headlock
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:13 pm
by 84651846190
Desert Fox wrote:Biglaw_Associate_V20 wrote:Desert Fox wrote:- miss deadlines with no warning
- skip a lot social events
- blame someone else for your mistakes
- be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
- wearing booty shorts to a firm event
- complain
Depending on what you look like, booty shorts might actually be a good thing for winning over certain biglaw partners.
Even if you make a male partner want to fuck you, you'll piss off a metric fuckton of flabby female partners.
ti, oc, tcr
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:15 pm
by rpupkin
You're working on a pressing matter with a couple of associates who will need to work through the night to meet a deadline. It's 7 p.m. and they tell you to go home. You insist on staying because you want to make a good impression by pulling an all-nighter.
Don't gun when you're a SA. In general, you're a nuisance to the partners and associates. That nuisance is an accepted cost of recruiting so everyone puts up with it, but it becomes really bothersome when a summer associate insists on "helping" when the actual attorneys have to focus on getting shit done.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:24 pm
by NYSprague
Remember the story of the guy who left for the afternoon on his birthday to hang out with his wife? Don't be that guy.
Don't make unasked suggestions on how to improve recruiting, the summer program, the firm, anything.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:28 pm
by 09042014
NYSprague wrote:Remember the story of the guy who left for the afternoon on his birthday to hang out with his wife? Don't be that guy.
Don't make unasked suggestions on how to improve recruiting, the summer program, the firm, anything.
Don't make suggestions even if asked.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:29 pm
by suzige
are people really this stupid? i hope so.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:30 pm
by 09042014
suzige wrote:are people really this stupid? i hope so.
Yes, but as a TLSer you are probably also a sperglord and don't know it. You might do something as cringeworth and think you are totally justified.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:31 pm
by El Pollito
Desert Fox wrote:suzige wrote:are people really this stupid? i hope so.
Yes, but as a TLSer you are probably also a sperglord and don't know it. You might do something as cringeworth and think you are totally justified.
They've basically guaranteed themselves a no offer. I am excited to see this play out.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:33 pm
by seespotrun
Try too hard to establish mentee-mentor relationships with a herd of associates of varying levels of seniority with whom you have no connection at all. Then attempt to glad hand your way to an offer by relying almost solely on the herd's advice, which you too often actively solicit instead of exercising basic judgment.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:34 pm
by NYSprague
Desert Fox wrote:NYSprague wrote:Remember the story of the guy who left for the afternoon on his birthday to hang out with his wife? Don't be that guy.
Don't make unasked suggestions on how to improve recruiting, the summer program, the firm, anything.
Don't make suggestions even if asked.
True.
Also don't treat support staff badly.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:35 pm
by bjsesq
Look up cuckold on westlaw
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:36 pm
by 09042014
bjsesq wrote:Look up cuckold on westlaw
That day BJS learned why his dad hated test tubes.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:38 pm
by IAFG
Try to stand out.
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:39 pm
by bjsesq
Desert Fox wrote:bjsesq wrote:Look up cuckold on westlaw
That day BJS learned why his dad hated test tubes.
*bumps knucks*
Re: Lawyers tell you how to get no offered.
Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 5:41 pm
by IAFG
Mail joke letters on firm letterhead. Get address wrong so it's returned to the mall room.