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Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

ETA: My parents paid for most of my public undergrad and I have every intention of paying them back. I never brought up salary or anything, but everyone in my family asked after I got the offer and I told them bc it's so easy to find out/public anyway. My father is a lawyer (in-house). He graduated from a top law school over 30 years ago, but never worked in BigLaw (I am not sure if he wanted to or not). He struggled a little bit out of LS bc the gov't agency he was going to work for after graduation instituted a huge hiring freeze at just the wrong time. I really have no idea what he makes. However, his company has not been doing well lately so the the value of his stock options and his bonuses have dwindled significantly in the downturn and are unlikely to return to normal levels. He will be old enough to retire soon, but I think his whole retirement plan could very well have been fucked by the stock market in the past few years... I don't think he has any debt though. He has no tolerance for debt. While we are not Jewish, all of his/our family values seem to align with modern Judaism, based on my understanding of it.

I am very grateful for everything my parents have done for me and I never mention how much I will be making. I do talk to them a lot about practicing law and ask them for advice and I know they are very proud of me. I have been so motivated to succeed in life probably bc I have been a fuck up in the past and I want to make them proud. I know that as a parent, I would want the very best for my child and hope they will be even more successful than I am (though partially bc this I think it would be a reflection on me). I will be about $225k in debt at graduation and they know this. Also, I truly believe that at this level of debt, I may very well be better off going into Gov't and IBR-ing the debt. I'm currently planning to work in BigLaw for 3-5 years, pay the minimum on my loans, and then lateral into BigGov. Quite frankly, I don't understand why everyone who has this option doesn't do it...

My dad's been ripping on me because he did biglaw partner at V-ranked firm -> bigfed, and I didn't get a V-ranked firm. Going home is hell.

rad lulz wrote:My dad's been ripping on me because he did biglaw partner at V-ranked firm -> bigfed, and I didn't get a V-ranked firm. Going home is hell.

Have you considered that perhaps they are more disappointed they raised a snot-nosed little $#!%?

GATORTIM wrote:

rad lulz wrote:My dad's been ripping on me because he did biglaw partner at V-ranked firm -> bigfed, and I didn't get a V-ranked firm. Going home is hell.

Have you considered that perhaps they are more disappointed they raised a snot-nosed little $#!%?

HAHAHAHA!!!! Meant to quote OP....Sorry Rad. You're my boy!!

GATORTIM wrote:HAHAHAHA!!!! Meant to quote OP....Sorry Rad. You're my boy!!

LOL and love the drama llama

GATORTIM wrote:HAHAHAHA!!!! Meant to quote OP....Sorry Rad. You're my boy!!

Boiz 4 lyfe

My mom thinks I'm greedy because I told her that lawl school will not have been worth it if I don't get six figures.

Anonymous User wrote:Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

You might have a point with this, not everyone's parents are supportive of their success. I have a friend from a very small town in Ohio whose parents wanted her to never leave town. They didn't support her going to law school at all, financially or otherwise. When she said she might want to come home for the summer to study for the bar, her Mom said that she wouldn't be able to help her and didn't want her to come home.

This girl is at a T6 school and is going into a biglaw firm. Her parents would have been much happier if she stayed home and worked in the local bank or store. Their idea of a good job is working for the Post Office (no offense to postal workers meant, it just isn't what my friend wants to accomplish with her life.)They don't support her being in New York or living in New York and they have no idea how hard it is to get a biglaw job or what she has accomplished.

So, yeah, you aren't alone.

Yeah, a lot of families are weird. When I emailed my dad and let him know that I got into Columbia. He responded with, "Cool. Hear back from Harvard yet?" If only he knew what a 168 meant for my chances lol... fucking society/family kills me sometimes.

This is pretty typical. Most parents hate to see their children succeed.

GoldenGloves wrote:Most parents hate to see their children succeed.

?

PARTY wrote:

GoldenGloves wrote:Most parents hate to see their children succeed.

?

sarcasm i hope think

Sorry, I'm asian with immigrant parents...I swear there is an appropriate meme for this that I am just too lazy to find this morning lol.

Anonymous User wrote:Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

OP: You are doing it wrong... start subtly:

Say stuff like: "Well, 3k per week should be able to get the family a new dryer, too bad you decided to be a high school English teacher mom."

or

"Well, dad, I know that you are still sporting some AE shoes that you got 10 years ago, and shine daily in order to do well at your insurance job.... well, I got to go by myself 5 pairs at the Nordstom Rack."

Then, after they start getting mad, reply swiftly with lines like:

"Well, if you weren't so lazy back in the 1970s, you might have a 160k job like me!"

Then OP, they will be too demoralized to envy your wealth.

Anonymous User wrote:

Anonymous User wrote:Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

OP: You are doing it wrong... start subtly:

Say stuff like: "Well, 3k per week should be able to get the family a new dryer, too bad you decided to be a high school English teacher mom."

or

"Well, dad, I know that you are still sporting some AE shoes that you got 10 years ago, and shine daily in order to do well at your insurance job.... well, I got to go by myself 5 pairs at the Nordstom Rack."

Then, after they start getting mad, reply swiftly with lines like:

"Well, if you weren't so lazy back in the 1970s, you might have a 160k job like me!"

Then OP, they will be too demoralized to envy your wealth.

nice use of anon.

Have you been talking about your new job a lot? They could be seeing your excitement as bragging about what's coming and simultaneously disregarding the things they did to get you where you are now.

Thankfully, my parents are extremely supportive/proud. I couldn't do it without them!

TaipeiMort wrote:

Anonymous User wrote:Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

OP: You are doing it wrong... start subtly:

Say stuff like: "Well, 3k per week should be able to get the family a new dryer, too bad you decided to be a high school English teacher mom."

or

"Well, dad, I know that you are still sporting some AE shoes that you got 10 years ago, and shine daily in order to do well at your insurance job.... well, I got to go by myself 5 pairs at the Nordstom Rack."

Then, after they start getting mad, reply swiftly with lines like:

"Well, if you weren't so lazy back in the 1970s, you might have a 160k job like me!"

Then OP, they will be too demoralized to envy your wealth.

LOL, Nordstrom Rack? Trying to be bragadocious and you pull out the discount Nordstrom store. Ironic.

DoubleChecks wrote:Sorry, I'm asian with immigrant parents...I swear there is an appropriate meme for this that I am just too lazy to find this morning lol.

the thing with asian parents is that they're greedy and will only be happy with their children's success if the success can be attributed back to the parents. otherwise, they tend to resent their children.

racism

laxbrah420 wrote:racism

It’s cool bro. Generalizations aren’t racist if it is made by the person of that race or if the person making the generalization is “totally friends with an ____ (insert race) guy/girl”

I will start off by saying everyone has been really supportive, although I admit it's really hard to explain why one gets paid such a large amount of money to sit in an office and write memos.

I think OP has hit on something, though, that many of us from less-wealthy backgrounds certainly recognize. Law school is for many people - maybe not most, I don't have numbers or anything - one way to change one's place in the socioeconomic scheme. I've actually been a little cagey on the subject of money with my parents because, well, $160k is far, far more than anyone in my family has ever made in a year. I will make at age 25 more money than my parents have made or will make at any time in their lives. And that feels weird, because I know my parents work hard, and I know that they're smart. And I realize, as most any honest child must, that if they'd spent less time taking care of me or sacrificing for me they would have more than they do. And I know they did all that because they want me to have more than they did, but does it still feel a little weird? Yeah.

Kronk wrote:

TaipeiMort wrote:

Anonymous User wrote:Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

OP: You are doing it wrong... start subtly:

Say stuff like: "Well, 3k per week should be able to get the family a new dryer, too bad you decided to be a high school English teacher mom."

or

"Well, dad, I know that you are still sporting some AE shoes that you got 10 years ago, and shine daily in order to do well at your insurance job.... well, I got to go by myself 5 pairs at the Nordstom Rack."

Then, after they start getting mad, reply swiftly with lines like:

"Well, if you weren't so lazy back in the 1970s, you might have a 160k job like me!"

Then OP, they will be too demoralized to envy your wealth.

LOL, Nordstrom Rack? Trying to be bragadocious and you pull out the discount Nordstrom store. Ironic.

It was a joke-- it seems absurd to dialogue with your parents about your salary. I assumed OP had told his parents his salary if he was getting this reaction. If I am blessed enough to get an offer from my biglaw firm, it would be super awkward to tell my parents how much I make. I would feel like less of a man to brag/ relate this to them.

My dad has worked 4:30 to 6 most days of his adult life to provide for my family. He makes much, much less than I would make. If he did ask, I would probably not tell him.

Don't worry bro, in two years when you burn out of BigLaw because DocReview sucks and your partners have no respect for your time you'll get a normal job like everybody else and your familial relationships will go back to being normal.