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Context

I scored a 170 on the LSAT back in 2019. My score is valid for the 2023 and 2024 application cycles, and then it expires. I'll be 27 in a few months; I feel like I still need time to find myself but am conscious of the fact that I'm getting older.

I've saved up only a little bit of money the last few years. I'm in a bad place and I've had a rough time of things: I was thrown out of my childhood home shortly after graduating from college, lived on an older relative's couch for 2 years, COVID happened, and then I moved back in with one of my parents. They've developed a drinking and opioid problem. I'm working on finding another full-time job and moving out.

I've been overwhelmed and simply didn't apply to law schools the last few years. I also got spooked by the inflated LSAT-Flex scores of 2020/2021. Between depression and moving around, I failed to study for the LSAT-Flex, so I missed out on that opportunity, as well. Also during that time (and now), I have been recovering from an extremely bad childhood and early adulthood, the latter of which was compounded by COVID. I was severely abused by one of my parents and didn't actually understand it until after college. I also had a chaotic home environment with noise and distractions and no private study space. Since then, I've learned that I can perform much better academically when I'm not in such an environment.

My LSAT (which I took whilst not living with either parent) was the first time I set aside a study regimen for an entrance exam. It was a confidence booster: it told me that with a quiet study space, I could excel at something. So I'm very attached to it, as it's one of my proudest accomplishments.

Questions regarding applying this cycle

So, here's the question: How advisable is it to apply to law schools now? I do not feel ready to attend. I'm still trying to untangle how much of that feeling is my (self-defeating) tendency to run away from challenges and problems, versus how much of it is a reflection of my actual preparedness for law school.

I know for a fact that I should force myself to at least write a new personal statement, to go through the little things, because I think that probably held me back the last few years, and it would be unforgivable to quit over something that minor. On the other hand, I still struggle to function on many days. But I don't want to throw away my hard-earned 170. I don't want to throw away the prospects of BigLaw and the resultant lateral opportunities. I think that, if I just gave up entirely, and resigned myself to menial, simple, low-paying work for the rest of my life -- what it seems my current trajectory has been -- that I'd have a hard time living with that. I want to believe that I can overcome my starting point. Part of me thinks I should take more time for myself, save up, and just get an apartment of my own so I can breathe. I have not gotten to do that for a very long time, maybe ever. Yet, I also know there are counter-intuitive "unwritten" rules for applying to law schools, and I'm scared that if I do something wrong, or that if I keep putting it off, keep running away from it, that I'm doing something that will make future attendance of a law school further out of reach, or more expensive/less friendly with scholarships, etc.

More practically: I want to see what schools can give me which offers. I was thinking of carpet-applying the T20 with fee waivers and seeing what I can get. I am assuming, based off of mylsn.info data/general admissions data from the last two cycles, that either I won't get into the T14, or else, I will be charged more than I am comfortable with taking on. But maybe I should just apply and see what offers are made before assuming the worst. Even then, I don't feel ready to attend. A lot can change between now and September, so maybe it's still worth a shot. (An aside: Should I need to retake, there is some reason to believe that I had room for improvement even upon my 170. I was still losing 1-3 points on logic games, and I scored something like 3-5 points below practice tests.) I just need to know, will applying and then not attending law schools prejudice them against me if I retake in a few years from a position of greater financial/life stability? Will I look flaky if I reapply later?


Other thoughts

I have been using the last few years as best I can. I've been using this time to learn more about myself. I actually started teaching myself math; I'm quite good at most high school topics through to pre-calculus, even though I had trouble with them as a teenager. I'd never known I could do that. I wonder if maybe it's not a terrible idea to put law aside for now and just explore other fields of study, to get to know myself a little better. I know I can be a good student. I know I'm driven. I just feel a little stifled because of my academic history thus far.

The other part of me says, "You're already geared towards law school; work your ass off to get a BigLaw paralegal job, determine once and for all how badly you really want this, and then retake the LSAT with conviction and purpose. Or, use the overtime earnings/savings towards another course of study if you end up hating law."

Is my LSAT score good for anything besides law school applications? I've found I can apply logic well, and I know that research, writing, and verbal reasoning have always been my strong suits, but the cost and underemployment risk of law school in general still spooks me.

Lastly, I'm wondering whether it is a hard limiter to take the LSAT whilst working a full-time job. If I ever need to retake in the future, I'll need to study again whilst working a full-time job.

I'm afraid of falling behind again. I'm hoping with a good plan and good guidance, I can avoid that.

I'm so sorry about your childhood trauma but I'm glad that you're doing what you need to do to heal. Congratulations on your excellent LSAT score. You deserve to feel very confident about that.

I would apply before your score expires and wait to make any big decisions until after you see what acceptances you get.

As for all the rest of your questions, therapy and/or counseling is probably the best forum to pose those, as opposed to TLS.

I'm having a hard time putting together applications right now. I'm actually moving apartments at the end of this month, which is really bad timing.

I also am still unsure what I even want from life. I want to spend more time paralegaling but unfortunately I have only a few months' experience of that. I know it's generally important to check out the field of law before committing to a JD, but honestly, I don't know how many other alternatives I have for gainful employment. I don't have much work history and it sometimes feels like I have trouble functioning. A lot of it is situational; I've had a rough go of it since 2018 and I feel like I'm finally coming out of it, and finally getting to know myself a little bit better. I'm just worried about the timing, and of having to retake the LSATs and start years later if it takes longer for me to get myself figured out. I know myself and I'm so scared of losing a good, lucrative opportunity now, but equally afraid to committing to a field I don't have much first-hand experience with.

• How much of a risk is it to start from scratch and retake the LSATs, if things don't pan out this or next cycle? The crushing weight of these decisions are that they feel like "now or never."

• I know it's usually advised not to go to law school early, not to rush it, to take time to figure things out, to work for at least a year in the field before committing. But I have lost some time and have LSAT expiration dates to worry about. How do I reconcile these conflicting conditions? I only paralegaled at a small firm for a few months before the job terminated, so I didn't get a very representative view of legal practice in general. (Also, it was a small boutique that really only handled one type of transaction, so I also think the work didn't represent most other kinds of legal practice.)

• What else can someone such as myself even do? I have a BA in History from a regional state school.

• What is the absolute deadline for submitting applications if I want the maximum possible merit aid? As I said, I'm currently moving houses, and it's making it hard for me to focus on application stuff. I especially am interested in UMich, but they open their apps 08/01.