How to Dress For a Law School Visit and Using "Ma'am" Forum

[chuckbass]

also, don't write thank you notes, completely unnecessary

[hdunlop]

I'm not from the west coast I'm just smart enough to figure out it's better here. Open minds are useful y'all should try them

[A. Nony Mouse]

No one said the northeast is better, just that it's not worse just because they don't use "ma'am" the way southerners do.

[Poldy]

This has nothing to do with using ma'am or not. The issue is being such a douche that you would get upset over someone calling you ma'am when it is obviously meant in a respectful way and when everyone knows that it is customary in some parts of the country.

Where I'm from nobody uses ma'am or sir either but they also wouldn't get all bent out of shape if someone did.

[hdunlop]

Bingo

[benwyatt]

Post removed.

[hdunlop]

Because they don't get out much and aren't as cosmopolitan they think

[jphiggo]

This is crazy, but insightful. Being a southerner myself, I've always called ladies "ma'am" out of respect and would have never thought someone would take offense to it. The things you learn on TLS.

[hdunlop]

Find the thing where a general calls Senator Boxer ma'am instead of senator it's great

[jphiggo]

Find the thing where a general calls Senator Boxer ma'am instead of senator it's great

I actually saw that when I googled about this (there's a HuffPost article, as well). I have thoughts about that. I'll just keep those thoughts to myself.

[TheSpanishMain]

Find the thing where a general calls Senator Boxer ma'am instead of senator it's great

I actually saw that when I googled about this (there's a HuffPost article, as well). I have thoughts about that. I'll just keep those thoughts to myself.

Yeah that was idiotic.

[anyriotgirl]

If someone called me ma'am I would suspect that they were mocking me

[LawsRUs]

Calling people by their names >>>>>> "ma'am"

[kartelite]

If someone called me ma'am I would suspect that they were mocking me

Why?

As a different example, people in the states don't say "cheers" to mean "thank you" like people from Commonwealth nations do. Would it be considered offensive or improper for a British person to use their vernacular over here, as long as it's well-intentioned and understood? If not, then why would it be for a southerner to do so in the northeast?

[ymmv]

ITT, moral OUTRAGE at the notion that people unaccustomed to encountering certain behaviors might find those behaviors strange mouthbreathers who are either playing deliberately dumb or who are literally incapable of perceiving daylight between "unusual" and "offensive."

[jrf12886]

Do not use sir or maam in the Northeast. I am a vet from the South, and I quickly dropped that old habit. Seriously, NO ONE uses it or thinks its appropriate. Even partners go by their first name (with very few exceptions)

[kartelite]

Do not use sir or maam in the Northeast. I am a vet from the South, and I quickly dropped that old habit. Seriously, NO ONE uses it or thinks its appropriate. Even partners go by their first name (with very few exceptions)

I mainly use it in situations where I don't know the person's name - like when trying to hail the server at the diner I'll say something like "Excuse me, ma'am." I guess I was thinking of that sort of usage (which could include someone at career services whose name I don't know) rather than as an addendum to a salutation or other remark to someone I actually know.

[anyriotgirl]

If someone called me ma'am I would suspect that they were mocking me

Why?

As a different example, people in the states don't say "cheers" to mean "thank you" like people from Commonwealth nations do. Would it be considered offensive or improper for a British person to use their vernacular over here, as long as it's well-intentioned and understood? If not, then why would it be for a southerner to do so in the northeast?

um, you get that you can have good intentions and be misunderstood right?

[kartelite]

If someone called me ma'am I would suspect that they were mocking me

Why?

As a different example, people in the states don't say "cheers" to mean "thank you" like people from Commonwealth nations do. Would it be considered offensive or improper for a British person to use their vernacular over here, as long as it's well-intentioned and understood? If not, then why would it be for a southerner to do so in the northeast?

um, you get that you can have good intentions and be misunderstood right?

Um, of course. But you'd have to be pretty ignant not to know that ma'am is a commonly used salutation in a significant part of our country, so it seems to me it's more of a case of yanks being all uppity rather than actually misunderstanding.

[anyriotgirl]

unless you have a thick accident I don't know how you expect the random people you encounter in the northeast to know that you're from the south

[PoopyPants]

Only a humorless old bat who is overly worried about her greying hair and deepening wrinkles would be offended by being called ma'am.

For fuck's sake, people who are from the northeast are telling you that some people in the northeast get offended by being called ma'am. It's not because they're evil humorless people. Different places have different expectations. People need to get over it.

I agree with you generally. But it has been my experience that just mentioning that it's a habit I formed in the military diffuses any tension they have about feeling Very Old or something similar. Also, making an effort to not say it helps.

It's about respect, but part of respect is treating people how they want to be treated. If it makes them uncomfortable, taking the idgaf route is not very respectful.

[PoopyPants]

unless you have a thick accident I don't know how you expect the random people you encounter in the northeast to know that you're from the south

Everyone I've met from the real South has had a distinct accent. Similarly, every Texan I know has an accent (that means less though, since I lived in Texas for years).

[Mack.Hambleton]

unless you have a thick accident

,':^)

[A. Nony Mouse]

This has nothing to do with using ma'am or not. The issue is being such a douche that you would get upset over someone calling you ma'am when it is obviously meant in a respectful way and when everyone knows that it is customary in some parts of the country.

Where I'm from nobody uses ma'am or sir either but they also wouldn't get all bent out of shape if someone did.

This isn't about anyone being a douche. It's about being in a part of the country where no one uses sir/ma'am this way, so that when they do, you have a gut reaction to it that's usually negative. (I agree with riot that it usually comes across as mocking when you're not used to it, like the person who's using it thinks you think you're some kind of hot shit or something.) No one's saying anyone should get bent out of shape about it. Of course you're a douche if you make a rude comment to someone who calls you ma'am, but you can't help having an unconscious negative reaction if those are your expectations.

And I didn't have any idea that people in the south do this all the time until I actually lived in the south. I don't get why that's ignorant, but someone from the south not knowing they don't use sir/ma'am in the northeast isn't.

Like I already said to the OP, it's not something to worry about doing. But it is something that people just generally don't do in the northeast, and since she was wondering about it, that's what people were explaining. It doesn't make northeasterners douches.

[Indifference]

Just here to praise nony for yet another excellent showing.