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On December 4th, 2010 I was cited for two alcohol related offenses in a (University) dorm room. I pled guilty to one charge, Alcohol A.1, related to underage possession of alcohol. I pled, and was later found, not guilty of the other charge, Alcohol B.1, related to participation in a drinking game. My punishment included completing five hours of community service and constructing an alcohol awareness poster to be hung in the dorm hallway. I have lived on campus ever since and have not received another citation of any kind.



Did I include too much detail about the charges and should I include anything about learning from the experience???



Thanks,
Almaz

Looks concise and informational to me. Wait for some other folks to confirm this as well.

I am thinking about adding a sentence that says, " I have taken full responsibility for my actions and regret my decision," before the last sentence.

almaz wrote:I am thinking about adding a sentence that says, " I have taken full responsibility for my actions and regret my decision," before the last sentence.

I would stick to the facts and leave that out. It might come off as insincere, and adcomms don't care about minor alcohol violations like this.

Yeah they probably won't care. Are these actual laws or some kind of University policy infractions? Using words like "charge" and "plead guilty" strikes me as making this sound more serious than it is, but maybe its accurate.

Revised:

On December 4th, 2010 I was cited for two alcohol related offenses in a (University) dorm room (underage possession & _________). I have had no alcohol related offenses since then.

What kind of school has a special rule for punishing drinking games?

midwest17 wrote:What kind of school has a special rule for punishing drinking games?

A pretty large number of them by now, actually. It's a way to combat binge drinking.

bp shinners wrote:

midwest17 wrote:What kind of school has a special rule for punishing drinking games?

A pretty large number of them by now, actually. It's a way to combat binge drinking.

And fun...

blameitonbuddy wrote:

bp shinners wrote:

midwest17 wrote:What kind of school has a special rule for punishing drinking games?

A pretty large number of them by now, actually. It's a way to combat binge drinking.

And fun...

Funsuckers these old geezers are.

Gungnir wrote:

almaz wrote:I am thinking about adding a sentence that says, " I have taken full responsibility for my actions and regret my decision," before the last sentence.

I would stick to the facts and leave that out. It might come off as insincere, and adcomms don't care about minor alcohol violations like this.

I think it would definitely sound insincere. The vast majority of people wouldn't say you did anything immoral, and saying how contrite you are would look forced. I think what you wrote originally is fine, minus the legal "charged" and "pled guilty" language. Make it clear that you were punished under the university system and there was no actual police involvement.

I went back and looked at mine for similar circumstances and I included the following:

"It was a mistake to hold myself above the rules that I had agreed to follow, and I regret the decision as it does not appropriately reflect my character or my choices."


Probably doesn't come off as entirely sincere but I think the risk is without including it you come off as dismissive.
Ultimately I doubt it matters though, do whatever you feel best about.

2014 wrote:I went back and looked at mine for similar circumstances and I included the following:

"It was a mistake to hold myself above the rules that I had agreed to follow, and I regret the decision as it does not appropriately reflect my character or my choices."


Probably doesn't come off as entirely sincere but I think the risk is without including it you come off as dismissive.
Ultimately I doubt it matters though, do whatever you feel best about.

I don't think leaving out the false contrition makes you look "dismissive" when the infraction is something so minor. I think it's pretty well accepted that a little bit of naughty drinking is fine--even expected--and as long as there's not a pattern of getting caught or doing spectacularly stupid things, you don't need to say anything beyond the bare facts.