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Why were these Ws all punitive (W/F)? Odd that your university wouldn't allow you to withdraw non-punitively for your family issues.

Anyway, you definitely need the part explaining the semester of Ws, though I would strike the first sentence, which merely states the obvious. Add in the part from the second paragraph about working full-time during undergrad, but keep it concise. Take out the part about being forced to not put forth 100% effort and so on.

Get rid of any direct comparison of your uGPA and gGPA. They don't care about the latter, and everyone knows gGPAs are inflated. A direct comparison doesn't mean much of anything. At most, you could mention very briefly (one short sentence) that you have continued to work full-time in grad school, but that your time-management skills are much improved over undergrad.

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Lawhelpneeded2013 wrote:Thank you for your suggestion. I have made thos changes below. Any other advice?

In the spring of 2007, I had to withdraw from all classes due to a family issue with my father having emotional concerns. My parents were going through a divorce and my father attempted suicide. I took this time to care for my father and to get him to treatments. Additionally, I worked full-time during my undergrad studies. This impacted my studies because of the shift, job obligations, and commitment I had to provide for my family. However, because of my undergrad struggles, this opportunity proved to be invaluable as I learned to execute my time management skills more efficient, to create a plan and timeline, as well as to multitask between multiple class and family obligations.

Looks really good. I added in a very similar addendum and I believe that it has helped. If you are still sending applications, know that you can attach an addendum along with the personal statement if the school did not designate a specific section for optional attachments.