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solved.

Did they tell you they don't have them anymore or are they just not answering?

There's no way a community college doesn't have someone who does transcripts. Taking CC classes and then transferring the credits to other schools is like 75% of the reason for a CC's existence.

I assume you've contacted the registrar's office?

I finally got in touch with the transcript person via callback after about 45 phone calls in five days. She said it should be sent out by Friday and just call back to confirm. Crisis tentatively averted!