Top Law Schools

Orgy of Pancakes sounds like a great name for a new Denny's special.

Columbia
Columbia is a pretentious fuck in love with her own self-ascribed success. She does lines of cocaine in the bathroom, not because she likes it, but because she is trying desperately to act like the corporate lawyers in Brett Easton Ellis and Jay McInerney novels. She is moderately attractive, but only because she has willed herself into being so by popping weight-loss pills like candy and subsisting mostly off a diet of scotch. She is a bitch, but it is a thinly disguised cover for her crushing insecurity that comes form hanging out with "friends" like Harvard.

Chicago
Chicago is a morose woman who, in her youth, liked to wear "goth" clothes and frequent dorky dance clubs with faux-bondage decor. Once she got old enough to realize that that behavior was preposterous, she replaced it with what she considers to be a biting sarcasm but which is actually only a vaguely amusing attempt at superciliousness. Chicago thinks of herself as an intellectual and sees her own excessive use of sarcasm and irony as proof thereof. In reality, she is of only moderate intelligence; if she ever realized this, though, she would probably be driven to suicide as her self-image imploded.

Berkeley
Hah. Hahah. This irritating hippie chick wants to save the world, but her ideas about how to do so are laughably incoherent and mostly involve half-understood catchphrases like "fair trade," "socialized medicine," "youth movement" and "slow food." She loves going to protest for or against causes that she knows virtually nothing about, and her measures of the moral worth of others seem to revolve mostly around whether or not they wear hemp clothing. In reality, she does what she does because it allows her to keep a convenient self-image - she gets to think of herself as a dangerous rebel without actually having to be one, and she gets to think of herself as an intellectual without actually having to think very hard about anything. Although she talks endless shit about "preppy" people, she is as vapid and moronic as a valley girl. Might be somewhat attractive, though, if she shaved her legs and took a fucking shower.

Georgetown
GULC is a dangerous kind of broad. She's a little broad-hipped and heavyset, but she carries it well; confidence (even if unfounded) can be very alluring. She has slept around a lot, but not out of low self esteem - GULC just likes a good screw every now and again. And again. And again, but this time with your buddy and a video camera. Just keep in mind the immortal words of Bell Biv DeVoe: "Never trust a big butt and a smile."

UVa
Virginia tries really, really hard to look like the "girl next door" by projecting a clean and wholesome softball-player image. Despite the wholesomeness she shoots for, though, UVa is a judgmental, gossipy cunt who shamelessly evaluates her friends based on their social standing within her ridiculous little clique. She loves to date lacrosse players with names like "Rutherford Wellington III" who have families that are involved in D.C. politics, and unless you are from that background, you're shit out of luck with this girl.

UCLA
UCLA is that kind of hot Asian girl that just isn't interested in hanging out with whites, blacks and Latinos. I know it's tempting, but don't even bother trying.

Florida Coastal
Ahhh, that bleach-blond hair...those shorts...that come-hither look from across the room. Tempting, ehh? But walk over and take a closer look before you get too excited, big guy. You see that thinning hair? That emaciated torso with slightly protruding ribs? That nervous, jerky, twitchy demeanor? That burn mark on her lips that came from a superheated light bulb? That's right, studmuffin. Your dream girl is a meth addict.

I laughed. Well done.

silveri wrote:I laughed. Well done.

Thank you

i forgot all about this thread, thank you for bumping. i am glad that adcomms either didn't see my posts or didnt care.

I love how all the Berkeley personifications essentially boil down to: "Fucking hippies."

Loyola LA: He's the well-dressed, short, kind of ugly guy in the bar who hangs out with all the hot guys but knows that all he has to offer is money. He'll come up to you and offer to buy you the most expensive drink in the bar but then you have to be seen with him and you would much rather be seen with his hot brother who lives in the better part of LA. In the end, you would settle for him because all the money and fancy car stuff is tempting but you would drop him in a heartbeat for his smarter, more attractive, and more successful brother. The worst part is that he knows that all along...

People's College of Law: Everyone knows you F-ed her...hell you even have a plaque hidden away that says you did; however, you still refuse to admit it. Why did you ever mess with this venereal disease dumpster? Perhaps it was the roofies she put in your drink when you weren't looking. She is the notch on your belt that you will never explain. A bad tattoo and a case of hepatitis...

The REAL William and Mary:

She's an older girl. Not quite a woman...okay yeah she's a woman, but she's got the looks of a older 20 something. She always teases you and tells you that she could teach you all kinds of things you've never known, but in a way that kind of creeps you out. You know she's been around the scene for a while, and pretty much everyone has something positive to say. She punches her weight, but she still plays second fiddle in her region to some other ladies. She, however, buys you drinks--the others expect you to buy them. And she isn't buying cheep local brew...oh no...she buys you martinis and fine red wine. She wants you to think she is mysterious. She is more troubled than mysterious, however. She has a low self-esteem and compensates for that with constantly reminding of you of all the people she's met. She's the kind of girl that you get to know, fall in love with, and then she leaves you because, ultimately, she can never stay with one person. So there you are, like all the others, trying to remember all the good times. But there are only decent ones...the rest are bad.

Ooh, I'm not going through all 8 pages to look, but somebody should do Cornell.

HandsomeDan08 wrote:Ooh, I'm not going through all 8 pages to look, but somebody should do Cornell.

Cornell- Again super attractive though different from Chicago. Cornell is an art history major with a huge mural in her room depicting great moments in the history of women. She painted it herself. I find myself saying things to Cornell I don’t really believe like “I’ve always really admired Jane Adams.” She says she loves “just talking” to me. I have put in a lot of work with Cornell but I know the only way she’ll hook up with me is if she gets drunk.

Cornell


You and your girlfriends decide to all get together at one of their apartments and bring your latest flames. You decide to bring Cornell a guy that you just met last week in the grocery store. You arrive a little late to the party with Cornell and are introduced to your friends dates Harvard, Yale, and Boalt. Harvard has the perfect body and looks like a model, your told that Yale's parents almost own an entire state in the west, and Boalt kind of looks like a blond version of Harvard. Cornell is charming, funny, and intelligent. The other guys just kind of sit there and seem to be totally lost in every conversation but you must admit they do look cute just sitting there.

You and your friends kiss the guys goodnight and kick them out so that you can talk about them. Your shocked bc all your friends talk about is how attractive Harvard, Yale, and Boalt were and you thought your guy clearly stole the show. They finally mention Cornell but it was only to say how funny they thought his ears looked. You thought to yourself that you didnt think that they were that big but conceded that maybe you just missed it. You start to thik that maybe he is not good enough for you! You come to the realization that you don't have the beauty that your friends have and decide to ask him to officially be your boyfriend. You spend every day happy doing things with Cornell and every night praying that your friends gain 10pounds and thier boyfriends dump them.

GW- GW is the attractive but somewhat plain girl who dresses in urban chic. She wears a lot of makeup to make you feel like you're going out with the hottest chick in town, but all your friends keep saying is why does she look like a shorter, and less attractive version of your best friend's girlfriend, G'town. They all wonder if secretly, you dream about your best friend's girlfriend, and GW tries to ignore the nagging feeling that you never wanted her in the first place, but you settled for the best you could get. After three years together, after a long drunken celebration you wake up next to gw, looking at her without makeup and wincing. Then you look in horror at her finger and realize that she's got a ring and a wedding video featuring you and her getting a shotgun wedding, and she waves the marriage license in front of your face, laughing maniacally. She tells you that she wants her name on your bank account, and she wants you to give her periodic gifts to make her feel special. It's too late to fight it, and now you're married for life

GW- GW is the attractive but somewhat plain girl who dresses in urban chic. She wears a lot of makeup to make you feel like you're going out with the hottest chick in town, but all your friends keep saying is why does she look like a shorter, and less attractive version of your best friend's girlfriend, G'town. They all wonder if secretly, you dream about your best friend's girlfriend, and GW tries to ignore the nagging feeling that you never wanted her in the first place, but you settled for the best you could get. After three years together, after a long drunken celebration you wake up next to gw, looking at her without makeup and wincing. Then you look in horror at her finger and realize that she's got a ring and a wedding video featuring you and her getting a shotgun wedding, and she waves the marriage license in front of your face, laughing maniacally. She tells you that she wants her name on your bank account, and she wants you to give her periodic gifts to make her feel special. It's too late to fight it, and now you're married for life

Wow, that really scared me...

HandsomeDan08 wrote:

GW- GW is the attractive but somewhat plain girl who dresses in urban chic. She wears a lot of makeup to make you feel like you're going out with the hottest chick in town, but all your friends keep saying is why does she look like a shorter, and less attractive version of your best friend's girlfriend, G'town. They all wonder if secretly, you dream about your best friend's girlfriend, and GW tries to ignore the nagging feeling that you never wanted her in the first place, but you settled for the best you could get. After three years together, after a long drunken celebration you wake up next to gw, looking at her without makeup and wincing. Then you look in horror at her finger and realize that she's got a ring and a wedding video featuring you and her getting a shotgun wedding, and she waves the marriage license in front of your face, laughing maniacally. She tells you that she wants her name on your bank account, and she wants you to give her periodic gifts to make her feel special. It's too late to fight it, and now you're married for life

Wow, that really scared me...

Haha! I'm roasting gw but it's my best option now just to mention that. BC is my other at this juncture.

Thomas M Cooley - She's got the die slow disease, everyone knows this, and yet she still manages to get guys. Not only desperate guys, but fairly respectable and handsome guys as well. And the worst thing is, she manages to convince these guys to sleep with her without wearing the protection. Lifes tough...

UNLV:

The hot and affluent guy who seemed so cool, yet strangely within reach. You can't wait to tell your friends, because it seems no one talks about him as much as you think they should. Yeah he is a bit young, but he has definite potential. besides, he seemed like he might be there for you financially. Or so you thought. Nowdays it seems he only wants to take advantage of you, and make you pay for more and more and more to come. What's his deal? You feel quite cheated and don't care so much if he likes you back. Is he really worth it?

American:

A total East coast JAP, and the younger sister of NYU. She left NY city to pursue her own identity and escape her older sister's shadow. While in undergrad, she was president of Sigma Delta Tau sorority. Never seen without black leggings and a Northface jacket. Despite being short, plain, and a bit out of shape, this girl makes suiters buy her everything and rarely gives back anything in return, though she is amazing in bed once in a while . Somehow, even though she has high demands, she still has tons of potential options of guys who just can't do any better. She courts guys, and then after a while, dumps them and moves on to the next one. This leaves them with empty pocket books and no other prospects.

Catholic:

The very religious, quiet girl who no one ever looks at. Her reputation has always been as a bible thumper but she just recently started wearing make up and kind of got a makeover. Now you quickly glance at her while on your way to hang out at GW's locker but think "still nahhhh".

I felt too bad- had to delete. damn guilt.

BTW, I love Natural Light.

Now I feel bad. Illinois is such a cutey too.

Texas is Amy Smart in Varsity Blues. A bit of a tomboy but still really attractive in that warm, welcoming, girl next door sort of way. Her intelligence and ambition are balanced with, and complimented by, her laid back attitude and she knows how to have a good time. She isn't dating the homecoming king but she definitely has options. She's been good to me ($40K) and i know i'm damn lucky to have her.

Still though, i can't help but secretly flirt with Ali Larter (whip cream bikini girl...aka Michigan) hoping that when the starting quarterback gets injured (i.e. Michigan admits don't enroll) she'll finally give me a piece.

BUMP, because this thread is great and I want new ones from this cycle. I'll write some up when I have a little bit more time, but everyone else read through the thread and then do your own!

Michigan: Sexy in a down-to-earth wholesome kind of way. Smart, accomplished and good to his momma. He doesn't know I exist. I'm hoping that I can catch him drunk, tell him something that makes him smile and maybe he'll go home with me.

UCLA: Probably perfect for me, but I just can't read him. My friends say he likes me, but he still hasn't e-mailed or called.

IreallylikeBorges wrote:I fucked Cooley ... it felt like putting my dick in a hearse.



this is a nice idea though

Cooley - I had my beer goggles on and I still wouldn't hit it.

edit, nvm i saw the first page and thought this was only one page long.

Thank you guys for this =) awesome distraction!