Please read and critique my LOCI !!!
Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:40 am
Does it flow? Do you notice any egregious errors? Is there anything you'd add/omit? General comments? Please let me know.
Also, I'm mailing this tomorrow. Should I e-mail it as well, or would that piss off adcomms?
Thanks!
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Dear Ms. XXX,
I am writing to reaffirm my interest in attending XXX School of Law. After visiting the campus, speaking with Mr. A, and observing professor B’s class, I am certain that I would be a valuable addition to your student body. XXX School of Law is my preferred choice among law schools, and if were I offered admission, I would absolutely accept.
As English Department Chair of a new school, I have had quite an eventful year. I led my department through several collaborative projects, including the creation of our new SAT preparation program and a plan to align our courses with the upcoming national academic standards. Next month, I will stage our fourth annual talent show, sponsor a field trip, and guide novice teachers in preparing students for state tests. This, of course, is in addition to my regular duties as an English teacher.
However, I recognize that my accomplishments do not exist in isolation from the efforts of my colleagues. In many ways, a school is like a team, and its success is contingent upon the ability of all stakeholders- administrators, teachers, and students- to collaborate effectively.
I believe that XXX Law has assembled a fantastic team. The students I spoke with were positive and enthusiastic about their roles in establishing the school. During Professor B’s legal analysis class, they appeared comfortable taking intellectual risks, both in front of each other, and in front of Professor B. Never did I sense the toxic or “cutthroat” competition law school is infamous for. I also noticed that Mr. A greeted each person he saw by name. This type of personal connection between administrators and students was not present at any other law school I visited. I left with the impression that students feel safe expressing themselves, and that the administration genuinely values student input.
Additionally, XXX Law’s faculty has performed exceptionally in supporting its students as professionals. Because I plan to practice public interest law in Clementine County, I appreciate that XXX Law offers a broad range of relevant experiential learning opportunities. I am especially impressed with XXX’s pro bono program. Given my base of professional knowledge, opportunities such as the Education Rights Project and Expungement Clinics provide great avenues for utilizing my prior experience. The fact that most students participate in the pro bono program is testament to XXX’s culture of academic excellence and professional growth.
Were I to attend XXX Law, I would work to strengthen this culture. I would approach XXX Law with the same constructive attitude with which I helped to build Leeroy Jenkins High School for the last four years. I remain hopeful that you will invite me to join your team, and I eagerly await your response.
Thank you again for taking the time to consider my application. I would also like to thank Mr. A for providing a tour of the campus, professor B for allowing me to observe his class, and the many friendly students who answered questions during my visit.
Warm regards,
The Trololol Guy
Also, I'm mailing this tomorrow. Should I e-mail it as well, or would that piss off adcomms?
Thanks!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ms. XXX,
I am writing to reaffirm my interest in attending XXX School of Law. After visiting the campus, speaking with Mr. A, and observing professor B’s class, I am certain that I would be a valuable addition to your student body. XXX School of Law is my preferred choice among law schools, and if were I offered admission, I would absolutely accept.
As English Department Chair of a new school, I have had quite an eventful year. I led my department through several collaborative projects, including the creation of our new SAT preparation program and a plan to align our courses with the upcoming national academic standards. Next month, I will stage our fourth annual talent show, sponsor a field trip, and guide novice teachers in preparing students for state tests. This, of course, is in addition to my regular duties as an English teacher.
However, I recognize that my accomplishments do not exist in isolation from the efforts of my colleagues. In many ways, a school is like a team, and its success is contingent upon the ability of all stakeholders- administrators, teachers, and students- to collaborate effectively.
I believe that XXX Law has assembled a fantastic team. The students I spoke with were positive and enthusiastic about their roles in establishing the school. During Professor B’s legal analysis class, they appeared comfortable taking intellectual risks, both in front of each other, and in front of Professor B. Never did I sense the toxic or “cutthroat” competition law school is infamous for. I also noticed that Mr. A greeted each person he saw by name. This type of personal connection between administrators and students was not present at any other law school I visited. I left with the impression that students feel safe expressing themselves, and that the administration genuinely values student input.
Additionally, XXX Law’s faculty has performed exceptionally in supporting its students as professionals. Because I plan to practice public interest law in Clementine County, I appreciate that XXX Law offers a broad range of relevant experiential learning opportunities. I am especially impressed with XXX’s pro bono program. Given my base of professional knowledge, opportunities such as the Education Rights Project and Expungement Clinics provide great avenues for utilizing my prior experience. The fact that most students participate in the pro bono program is testament to XXX’s culture of academic excellence and professional growth.
Were I to attend XXX Law, I would work to strengthen this culture. I would approach XXX Law with the same constructive attitude with which I helped to build Leeroy Jenkins High School for the last four years. I remain hopeful that you will invite me to join your team, and I eagerly await your response.
Thank you again for taking the time to consider my application. I would also like to thank Mr. A for providing a tour of the campus, professor B for allowing me to observe his class, and the many friendly students who answered questions during my visit.
Warm regards,
The Trololol Guy