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Ok I taken into considertion all the constuctive comments and disregarded the ones that were simply non productive and this is the answer I am going with.Thanks to all

Final draft

During my freshman year I lacked the skill set to compete and as a result I was placed on academic probation. I withdrew from school and transfer to Oscar Rose Junior College were I acquired those skills and from that point on my GPA never fell below 3.0 and when I returned to Briar Cliff to do my degree work I was at one point place on the Dean’s List academic achievement.




This is my answer to be an application question please tell me what you think First draft


To whom it concerns: Question35 May 20, 2011


I answer yes to question 35; in 1971 I was a young returning from the war serviceman with a GED. The only reason I had the GED was that I applied for a job and was turned down because I had no high school diploma as I was 2nd year drop out of high school and had joined the Marine at the turn of my 17 year. It is safe to say the USMC was more interested in teaching me the fine art of war than providing me with a high school diploma.
So I took a test and waited for the results, the only person who had faith I would pass was my mother and I did not disappoint her. Now that I had my GED in hand I looked around and thought I give college a try with the G I Bill I get some money and a local college Briar Cliff University very helpful to returning vets and gave me a chance.
The first year was a complete disaster and by the end of the spring trimester I was on academic probation and only one class away from expulsion. My advisor recommended it would be better for me to withdraw and go to a junior college then because I had withdrawn and not been expelled for academic performance I could come back.
I went to Oscar Rose Junior College in Midwest City, Oklahoma. I had instructors who took me in hand and gave study tips, testing tips, introduced me to study groups and the result was that I receive for the time in my life a “A” and when I graduated I had a 3.11 GPA
I went back to Briar Cliff University and got my share “A’s but mostly ‘B”s and some “C”s but still it took time and effort to pull my GPA up to get off probation but I did and from Oscar Rose you will see grading arc that improved course after course and really is that not really what education is all about” Learning”? My record shows my capacity to learn .At one point I was the only student in the history of Briar Cliff University to be both on academic probation and the Dean List.
Darrel99

What is the question?

I am answering on my application why I was on academic probation which is question 35 on that particular form

I think you have a lot of grammar and spelling errors. You don't sound like a native speaker.

Also this reads to much like a story. I would answer this with factual statements (e.g. I was placed on probation on 3/4. During this time I was very sick.). Put a positive spin on it at the end with something to the effect of "I learned a lot form this experience"

darrel99 wrote:The first year was a complete disaster and by the end of the spring trimester I was on academic probation and only one class away from expulsion. . . . At one point I was the only student in the history of Briar Cliff University to be both on academic probation and the Dean List.

These are the only two sentences in your draft that relate to question 35. Neither of them explains why you were on academic probation. Come up with one or two sentences that explain why you got onto probation and add them to this. Drop the rest.

The basic rule here is, when dealing with negative history, the more you write, the bigger the problem looks. An ideal answer to any question like this is one to three sentences; one short paragraph at the most. Just say what you did wrong, what you learned from it, and what you did to make sure it did not happen again (and won't happen again in law school). That's all they want to know.