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Writer's block

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:29 pm
by ktaraq
This position consequently led to an intellectually stimulating research project and community organizing edification with a dedicated mentor.


In reference to edification, I don't want to use experience, because it was not just one experience, it was more of a learning experience throughout the time I worked with the mentor. WRITER'S BLOCK PLEASE HELP!! Thanks!

Re: Writer's block

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:03 pm
by alphagamma
First, I think "community organizing" should have a hyphen. Second, "led" should be "lead."

Third, I have no idea how to tweak that sentence without knowing more.

Maybe...

"This position consequently lead to an intellectually stimulating research project and a series of community-organizing learning experiences under a dedicated mentor."

Re: Writer's block

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:19 pm
by SullaFelix
alphagamma wrote:First, I think "community organizing" should have a hyphen. Second, "led" should be "lead."

Third, I have no idea how to tweak that sentence without knowing more.

Maybe...

"This position consequently lead to an intellectually stimulating research project and a series of community-organizing learning experiences under a dedicated mentor."
"Led" is correct.

Re: Writer's block

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:23 pm
by ShuckingNotJiving
you can make the sentence so much clearer by removing the adverbs and putting "under a dedicated mentor" in a new sentence.

Re: Writer's block

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:25 pm
by alphagamma
SullaFelix wrote:
alphagamma wrote:First, I think "community organizing" should have a hyphen. Second, "led" should be "lead."

Third, I have no idea how to tweak that sentence without knowing more.

Maybe...

"This position consequently lead to an intellectually stimulating research project and a series of community-organizing learning experiences under a dedicated mentor."
"Led" is correct.
Yeah, you're right. My bad. I'm having an off day, lol.

Re: Writer's block

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:55 pm
by ahduth
Why is edification in that sentence? It looks... suspiciously... weird. :|