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Most of these are honorary and will in no way benefit you on your resume. I would add a section titled HONORS & AWARDS and list the MSM, JROTC, and Army Ball. The Army quals should be covered in your actual resume entry for the Army.

1. Rang the closing-bell at the NYSE
2. Honorary Captain of the Chicago Bulls
3. Featured in Men's Fitness "Ultimate Guide to Abs"
4. Featured in Men's Health "Belly-off Club"
5. Maintained weight-loss of 100 pounds
6. Key-note speaker JROTC World-Wide Academic Bowl and Leadership Symposium
7. Winona State University Homecoming King 2007
8. Guest Speaker US Army Birthday Ball
9. Meritorious Service Medal recipient
10. US Army qualifications: Ranger, Airborne, Sapper, Pathfinder, and Air-Assault

My feelings:

1. Nobody cares, including the admissions board. I have Alex Rodriquez's rookie autograph. I am not planning on including this in my resume.

2. See 1.

3, 4, 5. Maybe include these in your resume under accomplishments or something if you feel it is necessary. This feels more like information you would incorporate into a PS.

6. Include (activities section?).

7, 8. See 1.

9. Include (accomplishments section).

10. Include (work experience section?).

don't listen to these haters. create a "Why I am an Epic Champion Section" to include these accomplishments.

Yeah, maybe a good number of these are reaching too-far... Thanks for the posts!

Not to get too off topic, but can we see your abs?

Assuming that this is a serious post, then these honors and accomplishments will have little positive effect on your law school applications. Beyond your LSAT score & GPA, only personal statements & diversity statements along with letters of recommendation have any, but often minimal, impact. If you feel compelled to make admissions committee members aware of these feats, then try to weave one or two into your personal statement. However, it is difficult to get Winona State University Homecoming King 2007 out of one's head after being exposed to it. So, if you are striving for memorable, you may be on to something. (Although runner-up status might be even more distinctive on a law school application.)