Personal Statement Samples Forum

[nikkei325i]

I am concerned of that fact that because it was MY PARENTS who got into this legal dispute that my story would seem biased and that I would naturally be emphasizing stronger emotions compared to if it was someone else in this situation. To show the adcomms otherwise I want to talk about how by interning with a real property attorney I showed the same, if not more, emotional appeal as I delved deeper into each of her clients' cases. Do you guys think this is good enough support or will it still make my story seem biased?

[ardaturan]

takingmytime, thank you for your comments.

I've tried to change it up a bit, but I still want to talk more about how these experiences have made me prepared for law school. Any help would be greatly appreciated guys.

As I peered over the counter, I saw a young man pacing frantically from one end of the foyer to the other, his chin visibly perspiring, his face completely flushed, his suit soaked in sweat, as he was vainly trying to get himself together. Ayhan had just immigrated to Canada from Turkey about two weeks ago, and was applying for refugee status. He had fled his homeland with his wife and two kids due to his Kurdish background and was hoping that Canada would yield greater opportunities for him and his family. Unfortunately, he came here with little or no money, he didn’t speak a word of English, and he was terrified of being sent back to Turkey, a country that he believed he had rid himself of for good.
At the age of 17, with my fluency in both French and Turkish, I had been newly promoted to the position of translator at the law office that I was employed at, and Ayhan was the first person I was to apply for legal aid with. The whole process consisted of few standard questions, which I was to be asked by a representative, and I would then forward to Ayhan in his native tongue. While this was the first time I had worked personally with a client, for a year prior, my occupation focused around paper work and filing, and therefore I was somewhat familiar with the process. At the time, I thought my employment would provide me with a steady source of income, and would be a valuable component of my résumé, not recognizing what future endeavors it would inevitably lead me into pursuing.
I very much empathized with Ayhan as his situation was extremely similar to that of my family. This allowed me to truly comprehend the uncertainties and adjustments that we had to go through when we initially settled here as refugees. At the age of 3, I had immigrated to Canada from Turkey with my parents. My father, being a Kurdish activist, and being critical of the Turkish government, believed it would be in our best interest if we moved to a new country with new opportunities.
Successfully submitting his refugee claim and applying for legal aid brought Ayhan a great sense of reprieve. He could now seek employment and begin to attend school to help him learn English. Ayhan and his family were able to remain in Canada, and having had a role to play in the process brought me a great sense of accomplishment. For as long as I can remember now, I have always had a vested interest law, but ever since this defining moment, I had been certain that this was the profession I wanted to be involved in for the rest of my life.
Henceforth, I began working closer with clients who found themselves under similar circumstances to Ayhan. My tasks included assisting individuals in making their refugee claims, seeking legal aid, applying for welfare, translating legal documents into English, translating meetings between lawyers and clients, opening bank accounts and so forth. I now understood that these were are all tasks that my family had to go through when they first came to Canada. This provided me with a renewed sense of commitment to helping individuals in these particular situations at the law office that I’ve been employed with part-time for the last four years.
While Canada is known for its multiculturalism which is exemplified in its attitudes, laws and constitution, and for the prospects it has accessible for newly landed individuals, it definitely does not come without its complication. Moving to Canada, not knowing the language, the different lifestyle, and not having any friends of relatives made it exceedingly difficult for my family early on. Not only did my parents, who had professional occupations back home, have to apply for social assistance and find new employment, I had to quickly learn the English language so I could adequately integrate myself into public school and not fall behind in class.
This is why I believe that with the experience I can gain at the University of -------, I can focus on assisting individuals in a similar position to my family and Ayhan. Moreover, my cousin is currently enrolled in the University of ------ Faculty of Law, and her testament supporting the pedigree of this interdisciplinary university has served in fuelling my desire in pursuing a professional career in law and emulating her achievements. Furthermore, for my entire duration in Canada I have resided in Toronto. While I believe this has shaped the person I am today, I am eager to move into a uniquely different environment, as adapting to new challenges and scenarios would assist me in becoming a flexible and innovative legal professional.
My experiences with Ayhan, and other clients finding themselves under similar predicaments have allowed me to have a deeper insight of the hardships and tribulations that newly landed individuals are bound to encounter when they arrive in Canada. Furthermore, through the challenges shared with my family integrating into Canada, my belief is that I am prepared and confident in overcoming the obstacles that inevitably await me in the future. I feel that with my newly developed determination and my heightened sense of compassion, I will be able to successfully complete law school. My desire to assist those who, like my family, entered Canada with such great aspirations, invigorates my will to strive to not only become the best law student I can be, but to become a better person in the process.

[Feathers]

I am concerned of that fact that because it was MY PARENTS who got into this legal dispute that my story would seem biased and that I would naturally be emphasizing stronger emotions compared to if it was someone else in this situation. To show the adcomms otherwise I want to talk about how by interning with a real property attorney I showed the same, if not more, emotional appeal as I delved deeper into each of her clients' cases. Do you guys think this is good enough support or will it still make my story seem biased?

Hard to say without reading your statement. It's probably best not to overthink it, and just put pen to paper. I don't claim to be any expert, but I'd be happy to look at it when you have a draft. (PM me)

[Harvey Birdman]

I didn't realize how hard this would be. I avoided this subject for business school and wrote about something that would suit that type of education instead. I was busy prepping for the October LSAT, bombed it, now I'm prepping for the December exam. I know I have to get this out of the way so...
Anyway here is my unfinished, rough draft of my PS. Anyone care to critique?
Thx,
Harvey Birdman
Attorney-At-Law

The trees were eerily still as we made our way to the hospital early that Monday morning. Each intake of breath was ice water rushing into my lungs. This day was supposed to be as unremarkable as the last until the phone rang at 7:20 AM. Having received the call that no parent ever wants to receive, my wife cried while I waited, confused and fearing the worst, for her to hang up and explain to me what was going on. She half whispered and half cried, “Joshua.”
Monday December 18th, 2001 was to be the first day of finals for me. After that week, I would have had one more semester left of college. I would have become the first in my family to graduate with something more than a high school diploma. I was supposed to be the one that broke the cycle of poverty, single parenthood, and hourly wages. However, fate had different plans. I sat in the hospital’s nursing room, silently praying for God to take my life instead of the little one next door. It would do me no good. By 10:00 AM that morning, at the age of six months, my firstborn son Joshua had passed away.
I always thought that I would have a simple life. I was a young, full-time student and full-time employee. I was newly married and awaiting the birth of my child. I was certainly not going to follow in my parents’ footsteps because I was going to create an educated, stable family unit. This plan was not to vary even when Joshua was born three months early in July. His precious life was filled with the love of his parents the minute he was born as well as hospital walls, nurses, and constant care and supervision. Joshua was my sole motivation in life, but my worries about his health took a toll on me. I kept reassuring myself that he would be fine. But his health occupied all of my thoughts and left me unable to concentrate in school. The occasional episode or phone call from my wife would leave me with very tough decisions to make: go to work or go to the hospital; go to class or rush to Joshua’s side.
After Joshua’s passing I completely withdrew from everything. I was too busy crying to care about finals, work, or the world in general. Without my son—my reason for being, I did not care where or how I would end up in life. After a week, I made it back to work but was prone to frequent breakdowns. My erratic behavior left me unable to keep my job. I was depressed, unemployed, and without a degree.
At my wife’s behest, I went to school to try to get my education sorted. I did a graduation check to see how much further I had to go until I earned my degree. By chance, I was able to secure an internship at a major multimedia company’s book publishing division through my membership in the college’s publishing certificate program. After giving my all that summer and proving myself in unfamiliar territory, I was able to turn that internship into a full-time position. Later in the year I welcomed my second child, another boy, into the world. I was happy again and had a renewed passion for life. Isaac resembled his big brother and always reminded me of him. He and the memory of Joshua gave me a reason to live again and the desire to push myself, to further my education and station in life.
I returned to school in the spring 2005 semester, taking night classes while still working full-time during the day. Three years out of college and out of the student mentality resulted in a semester that was not as great as I hoped it would have been. I was slightly discouraged and opted to plan for success rather than rush into possible failure.
After a false start, I was finally ready to complete my undergraduate education. The spring 2007 semester proved to be difficult for me. I was taking four classes plus still going to work full-time. Two classes were hands on art classes while the other two were art history courses requiring weekly written reports of the 100 page reading assignments. With Joshua and Isaac in my heart, I performed to the best of my ability and was able to achieve my bachelor’s degree. I finished with a 3.5 GPA for the semester. Unfortunately my fall 2001 grades as well as my spring 2005 grades contributed to a much lower overall GPA. Nevertheless, after ten years, I accomplished my goal.
Now, I work full-time but I am still continuing my education. I am enrolled in an MBA program that allows me to immediately apply critical thinking and analytical skills I have gained to my everyday workflow.
Although it was always my intention to gain the education and build the family unit my parents were not able to, I suffered some setbacks. Coping with the death of a child is certainly hard on anyone and I feel that I was able to overcome this adversity. I have gone from a barista to an IT analyst. I have gone from a mediocre, introverted art student to an active member of management groups.

[Harvey Birdman]

Wow, did I just kill this thread?
It's a sensitive issue for me, it happened 7 years ago. Just let me know if my writing sucks, please. This is very different than what I had to do for the MBA program and I want to get this right. Anyone? Bueller?

[Bucky83]

Harvey Birdman: I think that it is a very good start. It is obviously a very touching PS and shows all that you had to overcome.

A couple suggestions, I think, that could improve it:
-I feel like you constantly are trying to explain why your gpa was low. It seems to detract from your overall theme of overcoming difficulties. If you feel like you really need to explain your low gpa you could do that in an addendum.
-Your last paragraph seems to sputter. I would either take it out or rework it.

Otherwise, great start.

[Katerina]

Everybody,

I know this needs a LOT of work but I would really value any suggestions you have (no matter how harsh). I would like to expand on parts of this but I'm not sure whether or not the 1-2 page limit of most schools refers to single or double spacing (this draft is 1 page single spaced).

Please rip apart!

It is well after midnight. My friend Afsheen and I walk into the campus 7Eleven to grab a coffee and say hello to a familiar face on our study break. The man behind the counter looks up as the door jingles open and a smile breaks out across his face. Afsheen and the man share a quick joke in Farsi- I cannot speak the language but I smile anyway. Rashid is working his way through graduate school—he was a political journalist in Iran but, after criticizing the Iranian government, he was arrested. I remember the day he told Afsheen and I about the prisons in Iran and the torture he experienced there. His tongue is badly scarred from the mixture of water and acid he was deceived into drinking. One of his hands wants for two fingertips. He says that the political asylum he received in the U.S. likely saved his life. That was the first time I thought of immigration in a context wider than Mexico and Texan deserts. It would not, however, be the last story of its kind to reach my ears.

One year later, I found myself grappeling with the decision whether or not to pursue law school. The idea was not new to me—my father and grandfather are both lawyers and I suspect my father always secretly hoped I would “continue the family business”. When an application to American University’s “Summer Semester Program” in Washington, D.C. arrived at my door I seized the opportunity and applied. The program is a dual course, split between seminar and internship. Both parts contribute equally to the grade. The concept of “boss as teacher” intrigued me and I wondered how my time at LAWFIRM X would be spent. I had explained during my interview that I was particularly interested in the litigation and immigration sectors of the practice. I was nervous but excited to see if I was really cut out for law.

I grew up with the mantra “early is on time and on time is late” but even I was surprised when I seriously over estimated my commute and showed up at the office at 8:00 on the first day of my internship. Mr. PARTNER let me into the 3 story converted townhouse and promptly put me to work. PARTNER handles the immigration side of the practice and I was to assist with a political asylum case for two brothers from Yemen. We needed to corroborate their claims with statistics about similar cases of persecution in Yemen and I was now in charge of that research.

Over the next few weeks, I collected pertinent data from many other countries for PARTNER’s cases while simultaneously pouring over contracts in search of breaches and torts for MANAGING PARTNER. After work, I spent my time scouring Westlaw for relevant case law. Unlike my lectures at school, I felt a sense of urgency and accomplishment at work. I found myself looking forward to heading into the office, arriving early and staying late nearly every day.
Towards the end of my internship, I went with PARTNER to court for one of his immigration cases. I listened quietly while our client, a former gang member from El Salvador, told his story. I found myself thinking about Rashid and our first conversation about his journey towards asylum in the United States. Other parts of my internship experience had cemented my desire to practice law but sitting in that courtroom, I realized that I want to be involved with our country’s ongoing immigration issues. Having researched many law schools, I know that LAWSCHOOL XYZ is a perfect match for my interests and goals. I hope to enroll in LAWSCHOOL XYZ’s clinical courses and to apply to the Spring Break “Immigration Trip”. I am interested in working in other areas of the law as well andLAWSCHOOL XYZ’s felixible curriculum would allow me to explore those interests as well.

[Harvey Birdman]

Harvey Birdman: I think that it is a very good start. It is obviously a very touching PS and shows all that you had to overcome.

A couple suggestions, I think, that could improve it:
-I feel like you constantly are trying to explain why your gpa was low. It seems to detract from your overall theme of overcoming difficulties. If you feel like you really need to explain your low gpa you could do that in an addendum.
-Your last paragraph seems to sputter. I would either take it out or rework it.

Otherwise, great start.

Thanks for the feedback. I was worried that I might be rambling and incoherent in my writing. I have a pretty good outline but actually fleshing it out has been difficult. For my final paragraph I was thinking on paper. I guess I'll leave out the gpa stuff. But if I were to write an addendum, wouldn't they they think "duh, I think we figured that out from your PS?"

[PhantaManta]

A certain person on here should hope that a good personal statement will somehow outweigh his or her repulsive treatment of other people.

[Katerina]

A certain person on here should hope that a good personal statement will somehow outweigh his or her repulsive treatment of other people.

?

[Elliot]

For Harvey's statement,

- "Each intake of breath..." - I thought this sentence was particular well-written. You might consider making this sentence the opener. It grabs the reader's attention better than the current opener, which could be cut. The current opening is not a bad opening but it is not particularly distinct. The second sentence is memorable. I'd put it on display at the start.
- The exact time is something you'd expect someone to remember given the gravity of the situation so your addition of the time of the call adds immensely to the paragraph. Regardless of how you change the draft, I'd suggest keeping that.
- "half whispered and half cried" - Should be "half-whispered and half-cried" The quote is perfect as a paragraph ending.

- "Monday December 18th, 2001" - Using day, date, and year struck me as disjointed. I'd use 'December 18th' alone.
- "By 10:00 AM that morning" - Somewhat redundant. "By 10:00 AM" alone is enough as the "AM" notes its still morning.

- "an educated, stable family unit" - 'Unit' is an awkward addition to 'family.' "An educated, stable family," should work.
- The third paragraph reads well up until "constant care and supervision."
- But, as Bucky noted, your statement weakens afterward when you start to mention your difficulty at school. I don't think the difficulties need to be cut entirely but they should be condensed.
- As it is, from the third paragraph onward, you spend more time on the difficulties with school than on your recovery with your new job and new child. This is likely a more natural and practical way to address the issue, but, I think there is more potential for your statement to be found with your recovery and your family.


- Overall, if I was in admissions, my impression of you as an applicant would be tied to your relationship with your family. You might wish to focus on how law school will help you establish the educated, stable family you originally mentioned.

[Elliot]

For Katerina's statement,
- The statement has an immediate advantage in that you have a reason to go to law school that is backed up by experience. There is a solid progression of events and a suitable conclusion.
- Since you want to flesh some parts out, I'll focus on parts of the statement that can be trimmed to make room.

- "It is well after midnight." - Cut, imho. It sets the scene but doesn't garner attention.
- "campus 7Eleven to grab a coffee" - You could change this to "campus store" and not mention what you are there for.
- "Afsheen and the man share a quick joke in Farsi-I cannot speak the language but I smile anyway." - The admissions office doesn't gain any insight into your qualities from this sentence. It can be cut entirely.
- Rashid and his injuries are the key elements of the paragraph. Consider bringing them to the forefront of the paragraph.
- For instance, as an opener, "An eight fingered man with a ready smile looked up as Afsheen and I entered the campus store." Exaggerated but concise.
- The transition from Rashid to your interest in immigration at the end of the paragraph was done well.

- "I found myself grappeling with the decision whether or not to pursue law school. The idea was not new to me—my father and grandfather are both lawyers and I suspect my father always secretly hoped I would “continue the family business." - Effectively, everything here could be deleted without loss to the statement. You're setting up a good background for the internship but, especially if you need more room, the background for your decision to take part in the program can be skipped.
- "One year later" is a good opening for the paragraph though. Consider attaching it to the beginning of the second sentence. "One year later, an application to American University’s “Summer Semester Program” in Washington, D.C. arrived at my door."
- "I seized the opportunity and applied. The program is a dual course, split between seminar and internship. Both parts contribute equally to the grade." - As before, good background, but also capable of being skipped.

- Given that I suggested chopping of half of the second paragraph, you might consider joining what's left with paragraph three if you decide to follow that route.
- "I grew up with the mantra “early is on time and on time is late” but even I was surprised when I seriously over estimated my commute and showed up at the office at 8:00 on the first day of my internship." - Not a really necessary sentence. Your active role is more important. You might want to skip this sentence in order to jump directly to your performance on the job.
- "Unlike my lectures at school" - Since you're applying to law school, it's probably best to skip any reference to a preference for real work to tedious procedure.
- "I felt a sense of urgency and accomplishment at work." - The other portion of the sentence fits well though.

- Overall, the beginning could use reshuffling but providing a good lead into your interest in asylum and immigration law.
- The ending added to that by illustrating active participation in those areas, which suggests you have a rational reason for attending law school.
- I thought the middle two paragraphs were weaker though. The seemed to have less pertinent information that described your qualities and reasons for applying to law school.

[aholmes87]

Here is my first draft of my Personal Statement. If anyone would care to look at it I would appreciate it and would be willing to take a look at your own statement in return. I removed a few names in order to try to keep a sense of anonymity. Rip it apart and let me know what you think.

It was the summer before my junior year. This was the year that our cross-country was supposed to rise to the upper-echelon of teams within the [athletic conference name]. With three of the five top runners returning from the previous season, and an extremely strong recruiting class things were looking up for [institution name] Cross Country.

My early summer was spent training, running in the upwards of one hundred miles per week by late June. I would not allow myself to miss a single day of training. I would wake up before work to get my morning miles in, and I would often forgo social gatherings with my friends at night in order to get in extra runs. I was determined to be in the best shape of my life. I was also determined to become a leader of the team.

The possibility of attaining the first goal came crashing down pretty quickly. In early July I began to feel a slight pain in my left leg. I thought very little of it and continued my high-intensity training. Within several weeks the pain grew worse and I could no longer ignore it. After a bone scan, MRI, and several trip to an orthopedic doctor it was clear that my cross country season was over. I had a severe stress fracture in my upper tibia that would take approximately three months to heal. My running had to stop immediately. Although the pain of the physical injury was not bad, I was devastated and felt guilty that I personally was preventing the team from achieving the level of success that it may have been able to had I not been injured.

Despite not being able to run I felt as if I could still be a leader on the team. This opinion was mirrored by my coach as well. I was named a captain of the team my junior year, over several seniors and despite my coach understanding that I would not run a single meet during the year. Prior to this I tended to lead by example, but my situation did not allow this. I continued to work hard by biking instead of running, but the way I led eventually had to change. I became much more vocal. Instead of being able to show my teammates what hard work and determination could lead to I had to express it verbally. I spent the season motivating and trying to compel my teammates to continue working hard, despite the obvious fact that our possible level of success had declined. Despite losing a season because of the injury I was able to improve my leadership skills. Instead of just leading by example my leadership style became much more vocal.

After losing potentially the best season of my career I was determined to rebound from this unfortunate event. The following season, my senior year, the team did not have the potential of the previous year’s team due to team members transferring, graduating, or leaving the team, but I planned to work hard and have the best possible season I could. From the previous summer I learned that my body could not handle the high-intensity training load that I had attempted. Instead, I lowered my mileage and focused on the quality of the runs, not the quantity of mileage. The strategy has paid off and in my final season I am running my best times ever. Even more importantly my team overall has had great success this season, recently finishing fourth place at our conference meet, exceeding not only our initial expectations, but also those of other league members.

This event, and being a competitive distance runner, has taught me the virtues of hard work and determination, and has also enhanced my leadership capacity. No matter how hard one works things may not always go the way they planned. I have learned to readjust and trying new strategies not only in running, but also in many different facets of my life. These skills have allowed me to succeed both on the cross country course, but also academically. I know I can use and adapt these skills and succeed at xxxxxx Law School.

[Elliot]

- "With three of the five top runners..." - "With three of our best runners..." or "With three of our top runners..." works better.
- "... previous season, and an..." - The comma after season isn't needed.
- The third sentence as a whole is awkward. You already mentioned the team was supposed 'to compete at the upper echelon' in the second sentence so mentioning 'things were looking up' in the third is redundant.
- The use of 'things' should be avoided if at all possible.
- Consider joining the second and third sentences, "Aided by the return of the team's three best runners and the arrival of a strong recruiting class, the cross-country team was preparing to rise to the upper-echelon of our conference."

- "...summer was spent training, running..." - A period would be better. "...spent training. By late June, I was running..."
- "...would not allow myself..." - "did not allow myself" is better.
- "I would wake up.... to get in extra runs." - Sentence is could be shortened. Perhaps, "I woke up before work to train in the morning and skipped social events at night to work out in the evening."

- "...pretty quickly." The use of 'pretty' detracts from an otherwise strong sentence.

- "...able to run I felt..." - Comma between "...run, I..."
- "This opinion was mirrored by my coach as well." - 'mirror' is a poor verb choice. The coach is not reflecting your opinion, he is agreeing with it.
- "...junior year, over several seniors and despite..." - Remove the 'and'. You might also consider removing the mention of the seniors. Its not necessary to the statement and it comes across as bragging to a certain degree.
- "Prior to... allow this" - You could rearrange this sentence. "But my situation no longer allowed me to lead by example as I had done in the past."
- "....express it verbally..." - 'Verbally' is redundant.
- "...motivating and trying to compel..." - 'Motivate' and 'compel' don't compliment one another. Consider changing 'compel.' 'Help,' perhaps?
- "...despite the... success had declined. Despite losing..." - Too many 'despite'.
- "...leadership style became much more vocal." - You use 'became much more vocal' earlier in the paragraph so it is redundant here.

- "The following season, my senior year, the..." - 'my senior year' is redundant. The reader knows you started the statement as a junior so they will know the following season will be your senior year.

- "I know I can use and adapt these skills and succeed at xxxxxx Law School." - The addition of the law school's name at the end weakens the conclusion as it feels tacked on. Consider using '...succeed at law school' by itself.


- Most of my comments are purely cosmetic. Overall, it's a well structured statement and it describes you in a positive light. In my opinion at least, fine tuning the paragraphs is what remains to be done. Major changes don't seem necessary.

[Harvey Birdman]

Thanks for the replies. Back to work for me.

[krndarkangel]

Hey all,

here is my personal statement... I dunno if it's any good... but well, it's something, right?
I think the ending needs some work... but other than that I don't think it's too horrible...


“Bring!” rings the bell as I run out of school and hurry to the bus, waiting anxiously to go home in time to watch my favorite TV shows. Once they start I sit entranced, eager to let my dreams of good guys and bad guys overwhelm me until I am one of the good guys, using my supernatural powers to once again save the world.

I always wanted to be a superhero: a fantasy where I was a star. Luckily life comes with loopholes and childish dreams have a way of creeping up on you in unexpected ways.

Last semester, I faced a situation I never expected. My roommate, the leader of our small group had found an internship for the spring semester and needed a replacement. Our Friday praise band leader also left, transferring schools. Somehow, they picked me as their replacements.

I attend a Korean Church that functions in Korean. I am not a native speaker; I am a twinkie: yellow on the outside (physically) but white on the inside (personality). I entered a culture of fobs: fresh-off-the-boat, immigrants who were yellow all around. To boot, my small group was the English small group: the English speaking group. I wound up, taking two extra classes: Small Group 101 and Praise Band 101. Classes, meals, homework, meetings, and more meetings swamped my weeks. These “five credit hour classes” required weekly meetings outside of the normal small group, praise band, and service times. I completed weekly “homework”: translating materials, picking songs, and leading prayer in Korean. Many times I screamed in frustration, ready to give up as dictionary.com and altavista gave me translations of the extraterrestrial kind. But what I found myself doing the most was listening.

As a leader I heard feedback from other members, listened as they shared their problems, listened to requests, listened to others who wanted and needed to be heard. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did, listening. Many of us are bad listeners: we listen but zone out, we listen but forget, we listen but prefer being heard, we listen but reply in anger or hurt. We listen, but most of the time we are not really listening, leading to differences and to confrontations.
In praise band our pianist majored in music, holding high expectations. In our small group one member made it his job to change everyone’s opinions. The end result was usually a conflict leaving me forced to resolve and to deal with the repercussions to everyone, involved or not. I remember agonizing as I wondered, “What do I do? Do I get involved? How do I fix this?”

I never knew exactly what to do, but as the semester passed I realized that I was already doing all that I could do, the best that I could do. In conflicts the first and the main thing we do is ask “What do I do?” We are a people of actions, wanting to take action so that we can be heard. We easily forget that in order to be heard, we must listen first. Listening is an action; it’s more than just sitting and nodding your head. Listening does far more good than many other actions.
So what did I do last semester as a leader? I listened and learned. I learned the true power of listening and so I learned to deal with people: to resolve problems and interact successfully. I learned time management, juggling homework, and preparations for practices and Bible Studies in between my meetings and classes. I managed to translate the Bible Studies and to promote discussion so that we learned. I helped lead our band so that we encouraged and inspired, so other members would follow us in worship. I listened and learned; I impacted and I changed.

Growing up, you hear things like, “Stop fantasizing and grow up. Let go of your childish dreams.” Many fail to realize that a child’s wisdom just might be the greatest of all.

My dreams of being a superhero with supernatural powers and saving the world are obviously a fantasy. But even if I can’t save the world beating the bad guys, I know that I can impact it in my own little way. I hope to use what I have learned as a leader and my experiences to help me as I attempt to start a new journey in law school.

[Katerina]

I have a few suggestions:

1. Don't be modest (note: don't be arrogant either). If you have to be a champion for yourself. "Somehow, they picked me as their replacement" makes it seem as if even you don't believe in yourself- although given the situation that may have been true, don't highlight it. You want to illustrate your strengths, not your weaknesses.

2. Your tone is very much "I was thrown into this situation and it may have been a mistake putting me in charge, I had no idea what to do but I did the best I could". I would suggest changing how you tell your story to give the impression of "I stepped up to the plate despite not knowing Korean- my language barrier put me at an immediate disadvantage since the job requires a lot of translation. It was hard work but I found I was good at conflict resolution, etc. " Place yourself in the best light possible.

3. Definitely skip the superhero part- it's cute but an Adcom might think that you're immature. I would start with the actual work- an image of you trying to translate Korean and knowing that you have school work to complete as well (this shows that you had to balance the two without saying "I had to be good at time management to get everything done") and then you can back off and say something like "A few months ago, I was appointed the leader of praise band- I was shocked at the nomination, naturally assuming that fluency in Korean was a prerequisite for the position since the job required a lot of translation".

4. Advocacy through law is a noble idea but you don't want to present it as your reason for applying to law school UNLESS you have the experience to back it up. Your PS gives the impression that you want to be a superhero, fighting for the weak and defenseless. Adcoms look at this as either a naive reason for applying to law school (a vast majority of lawyers go into the private sector) OR as insincere BS.

Other than that, I think that this is a really good topic to talk about- I'm sure you have plenty of examples within this topic to illustrate your problem solving/time management/communication skills which are all traits that Adcoms look for in potential students! Good luck!

Hey all,

here is my personal statement... I dunno if it's any good... but well, it's something, right?
I think the ending needs some work... but other than that I don't think it's too horrible...


“Bring!” rings the bell as I run out of school and hurry to the bus, waiting anxiously to go home in time to watch my favorite TV shows. Once they start I sit entranced, eager to let my dreams of good guys and bad guys overwhelm me until I am one of the good guys, using my supernatural powers to once again save the world.

I always wanted to be a superhero: a fantasy where I was a star. Luckily life comes with loopholes and childish dreams have a way of creeping up on you in unexpected ways.

Last semester, I faced a situation I never expected. My roommate, the leader of our small group had found an internship for the spring semester and needed a replacement. Our Friday praise band leader also left, transferring schools. Somehow, they picked me as their replacements.

I attend a Korean Church that functions in Korean. I am not a native speaker; I am a twinkie: yellow on the outside (physically) but white on the inside (personality). I entered a culture of fobs: fresh-off-the-boat, immigrants who were yellow all around. To boot, my small group was the English small group: the English speaking group. I wound up, taking two extra classes: Small Group 101 and Praise Band 101. Classes, meals, homework, meetings, and more meetings swamped my weeks. These “five credit hour classes” required weekly meetings outside of the normal small group, praise band, and service times. I completed weekly “homework”: translating materials, picking songs, and leading prayer in Korean. Many times I screamed in frustration, ready to give up as dictionary.com and altavista gave me translations of the extraterrestrial kind. But what I found myself doing the most was listening.

As a leader I heard feedback from other members, listened as they shared their problems, listened to requests, listened to others who wanted and needed to be heard. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did, listening. Many of us are bad listeners: we listen but zone out, we listen but forget, we listen but prefer being heard, we listen but reply in anger or hurt. We listen, but most of the time we are not really listening, leading to differences and to confrontations.
In praise band our pianist majored in music, holding high expectations. In our small group one member made it his job to change everyone’s opinions. The end result was usually a conflict leaving me forced to resolve and to deal with the repercussions to everyone, involved or not. I remember agonizing as I wondered, “What do I do? Do I get involved? How do I fix this?”

I never knew exactly what to do, but as the semester passed I realized that I was already doing all that I could do, the best that I could do. In conflicts the first and the main thing we do is ask “What do I do?” We are a people of actions, wanting to take action so that we can be heard. We easily forget that in order to be heard, we must listen first. Listening is an action; it’s more than just sitting and nodding your head. Listening does far more good than many other actions.
So what did I do last semester as a leader? I listened and learned. I learned the true power of listening and so I learned to deal with people: to resolve problems and interact successfully. I learned time management, juggling homework, and preparations for practices and Bible Studies in between my meetings and classes. I managed to translate the Bible Studies and to promote discussion so that we learned. I helped lead our band so that we encouraged and inspired, so other members would follow us in worship. I listened and learned; I impacted and I changed.

Growing up, you hear things like, “Stop fantasizing and grow up. Let go of your childish dreams.” Many fail to realize that a child’s wisdom just might be the greatest of all.

My dreams of being a superhero with supernatural powers and saving the world are obviously a fantasy. But even if I can’t save the world beating the bad guys, I know that I can impact it in my own little way. I hope to use what I have learned as a leader and my experiences to help me as I attempt to start a new journey in law school.

[Katerina]

Oh! And one more thing- I would rethink describing yourself as a Twinkie. Although I'm all for the anti-PC movement, it's possible that you could offend an Adcom and that's a chance you really don't want to take. Being a Korean-American who doesn't know Korean is evidence enough that you are "white on the inside" (believe me, I completely sympathize- I belong to a VERY Greek family, all of whom can speak perfect Greek except myself and my siblings thanks to our very Irish mother).

Hope your revisions are going well!

Hey all,

here is my personal statement... I dunno if it's any good... but well, it's something, right?
I think the ending needs some work... but other than that I don't think it's too horrible...


“Bring!” rings the bell as I run out of school and hurry to the bus, waiting anxiously to go home in time to watch my favorite TV shows. Once they start I sit entranced, eager to let my dreams of good guys and bad guys overwhelm me until I am one of the good guys, using my supernatural powers to once again save the world.

I always wanted to be a superhero: a fantasy where I was a star. Luckily life comes with loopholes and childish dreams have a way of creeping up on you in unexpected ways.

Last semester, I faced a situation I never expected. My roommate, the leader of our small group had found an internship for the spring semester and needed a replacement. Our Friday praise band leader also left, transferring schools. Somehow, they picked me as their replacements.

I attend a Korean Church that functions in Korean. I am not a native speaker; I am a twinkie: yellow on the outside (physically) but white on the inside (personality). I entered a culture of fobs: fresh-off-the-boat, immigrants who were yellow all around. To boot, my small group was the English small group: the English speaking group. I wound up, taking two extra classes: Small Group 101 and Praise Band 101. Classes, meals, homework, meetings, and more meetings swamped my weeks. These “five credit hour classes” required weekly meetings outside of the normal small group, praise band, and service times. I completed weekly “homework”: translating materials, picking songs, and leading prayer in Korean. Many times I screamed in frustration, ready to give up as dictionary.com and altavista gave me translations of the extraterrestrial kind. But what I found myself doing the most was listening.

As a leader I heard feedback from other members, listened as they shared their problems, listened to requests, listened to others who wanted and needed to be heard. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did, listening. Many of us are bad listeners: we listen but zone out, we listen but forget, we listen but prefer being heard, we listen but reply in anger or hurt. We listen, but most of the time we are not really listening, leading to differences and to confrontations.
In praise band our pianist majored in music, holding high expectations. In our small group one member made it his job to change everyone’s opinions. The end result was usually a conflict leaving me forced to resolve and to deal with the repercussions to everyone, involved or not. I remember agonizing as I wondered, “What do I do? Do I get involved? How do I fix this?”

I never knew exactly what to do, but as the semester passed I realized that I was already doing all that I could do, the best that I could do. In conflicts the first and the main thing we do is ask “What do I do?” We are a people of actions, wanting to take action so that we can be heard. We easily forget that in order to be heard, we must listen first. Listening is an action; it’s more than just sitting and nodding your head. Listening does far more good than many other actions.
So what did I do last semester as a leader? I listened and learned. I learned the true power of listening and so I learned to deal with people: to resolve problems and interact successfully. I learned time management, juggling homework, and preparations for practices and Bible Studies in between my meetings and classes. I managed to translate the Bible Studies and to promote discussion so that we learned. I helped lead our band so that we encouraged and inspired, so other members would follow us in worship. I listened and learned; I impacted and I changed.

Growing up, you hear things like, “Stop fantasizing and grow up. Let go of your childish dreams.” Many fail to realize that a child’s wisdom just might be the greatest of all.

My dreams of being a superhero with supernatural powers and saving the world are obviously a fantasy. But even if I can’t save the world beating the bad guys, I know that I can impact it in my own little way. I hope to use what I have learned as a leader and my experiences to help me as I attempt to start a new journey in law school.

[krndarkangel]

Hey Katerina, thanks for the advice!!!

Good point about the whole modesty and thrown into this situation thing, I totally forgot about that. haha

Hm, I never thought of the twinkie thing in that way. And actually I do speak Korean, just not so fluently. haha
Another thing to work on/clarify I guess~
Anyways, thanks a bunch! You pointed out lots of things I never noticed.

[jparsenal87]

-

[Katerina]

Jparsenal87,

I like your writing style (although I would strongly suggest throwing in some shorter sentences for variation) but I feel as if your essay isn't all that personal. You merely give a sample of the things you have done. I would pick one thing to focus on and really flesh that out.

I like where you're going with Latin because there's a lot you can show through that (attention to detail is huge in Latin because, as you know, there is no "set" sentence structure and words can have multiple meanings, as you illustrated with "ludus"). Or, as you started to do in the end of your essay, connect how teaching Latin helped you in your law internship (for that, you want to focus on a problem you encountered in your internship and how you dealt with it).

I was a little put off by your highschool athetics paragraph. You start out by comparing yourself to a demigod and, although Achilles may have been your nickname, I would leave it out because it comes across as pompous. Similarly, why would a girl who you got into trouble, thank you? I would definitely not describe the attorney you worked for as "ranting", it makes you seem disrespectful. I also disliked the "I was winning" throughout your essay. Of course you have to be your own champion but there is a fine line you have to walk- if you show some humility you will come across as much more likeable.

Hope I've helped a little. I look forward to your next draft.

-Katerina

Would love comments on my personal statement, please feel free to tear it apart; I imagine it needs alot of work - especially in the eyes of so many talented writers! Thanks in advance!

“But 'ludus' means sport!” bellowed the agitated student from across the table. For the past two years, I have been teaching a private introductory Latin class for which I developed a personalized curriculum, trying to instill in my students a sense that this so-called “dead” language is alive and applicable to the modern world. This particular student, who had overcome many quirks of Latin grammar, would not tolerate the blasphemy he had just heard. My contentions that the Latin 'ludus' could mean either 'sport' or 'school' were futile; before me stood a young boy, an embodiment of our society's disconnect between academia and recreation. To the ancients, these pursuits were complementary, each requiring a similar dedication and vigor, whereas my student had grown up in a world which pushed him to be either a “geek” or a “jock”, but certainly not both. In defiance of that trend, I have incorporated the very best lessons of athletics into my academic career.

As captain of my high school soccer, basketball, and lacrosse teams, my athletic prowess and leadership earned me the nickname “Achilles”. Alas, like that Greek hero, my glory was to be short-lived: a shattered tibia during my senior season (not far from Achilles' ill-fated heel) halted my college athletic career before it ever began. Athletic scholarships, my tickets to higher education, were no longer an option. It seemed as though the gateway to my future had slammed shut in an instant. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I realized the opportunity I had to cultivate a new breadth of interests which had gone untended for too long. My former headmaster once remarked that examinations were merely “opportunities” to showcase talent. After my injury, embracing that maxim as my own, I began to confront my studies as dynamically as I had my athletic opponents. Classes, no longer obstacles to be overcome between practices and games, were transformed into my former arenas: classrooms were my fields, professors my crowd, those tests my game-winning shots. The athletic scholarship offers never arrived, but I was too busy to notice. Lest my story end there, I earned and contentedly entered college on an academic scholarship. Education was a game, a 'ludus' – and I was winning.

My athletic background has stuck with me throughout my college career. During my time as a tutor at Wilson Primary School, a student with whom I had developed a close relationship was accused of having marijuana on campus. When I confronted her, instead of denying the charge, she responded brazenly that she knew better than to bring pot to school. I was so astounded to see an eighth-grader speak openly about the presence of marijuana at her home that I asked the teacher to call her parents in for a conference, a proposition that struck him as comical. Persuaded by my persistent pleas, he eventually relented and agreed to summon her parents provided that I, not he, would be the front-man for the conversation. It was as though I was again team captain, called upon to organize the game-plan for an important match. In the end, after my long-thought-out and detailed presentation, the parents absolutely berated me for interfering in their daughter’s life and stormed out of the room. Such is the role of the captain: to give his best effort, every time, despite slim odds and without any expectation of praise. The affair was not mentioned again until that student approached me weeks later and muttered a meek thanks, assurance enough that I had won some small victory. My job was a 'ludus' – and I was winning.

In my academic career, I used time that might have been spent on the practice fields to explore subjects from biology to philosophy and classics to chemistry. In confronting the great texts of Latin literature, I have developed a strong discipline and a discerning eye – note, for example, the ambiguity of the word ‘ludus’. More than this, though, the Latin poets were among the great advisors of my life. Consider Horace's wish that his poems might be “more lasting than bronze and taller than the pyramids.” He was just a man, yet his odes transcended and immortalized him. John Adams once hoped that we might have a “government of laws, not of men.” I too am just a man, but if I can make my small contribution to that body of laws, my legacy will be sufficient.

Outside of the university, the opportunity to teach Latin forces me to explain abstract concepts in a manner understandable to a young audience. Even my recreational duties, as a golf instructor and soccer referee, have cultivated in me a steady and patient mind (for few know the true wrath of a frustrated golfer or a scorned player). Ultimately, a summer law internship provided a fitting culmination to these activities, as I was called upon to parse the archaic language of rarely-consulted town constitutions, to draft language that would be accessible to both clients and juries, and to serve as a sounding board for a ranting attorney.

The tasks of an athlete, a student, a teacher, a poet, and a lawyer are surely not so different that one cannot learn from another. My life is a 'ludus' – and I plan on winning.

[Katerina]

Alright guys, I've completely revamped my essay. I'd appreciate any feedback you can give me.

Thanks! Oh, just a note, I have the specifics for each school that I'm applying to so don't worry about the "Law School XYZ"- that last paragraph will contain details/programs specific to each law school.


My desire to study law began with an eight-fingered man. I met Rashid my sophomore year in college at the store where he worked. Formerly a political journalist in Iran, Rashid had been imprisoned and tortured for criticizing the Iranian government. He was granted political asylum in the United States, a decision that he says likely saved his life.

One year later, a brochure for American University’s “Washington Summer Semester” arrived in the mail; I immediately applied to the “legal” program. My friendship with Rashid had sparked an interest in immigration law and, after exploring the subject in class, I was eager to begin an internship in the field. I was accepted and spent the rest of the semester wondering how law and city life would agree with me.

On my first day at [Law Firm ABC], I was thrown headfirst into a potential immigration appeal case. Our client, a native of Mauritania, had been denied political asylum. Mohamed had mixed up some dates during his hearing, effectively ruining his credibility with the Judge. My task was to compare the Judge’s written opinion to the official court transcript. I had two days to mark as many inconsistencies as possible to gain a basis for the appeal. [Partner] explained that an appeal would be our last shot before our Mohamed would be deported.

Sitting down with the mountainous transcript, I felt overwhelmed. Rashid’s face flashed through my mind. What if I could not find substantial discrepancies? I quickly put my fears aside, grit my teeth and got down to work. I decided that the most logical way to attack the assignment would be to read the opinion first and make notes as to what the facts should be. I reasoned that if I attacked the significantly longer transcript first, I would undoubtedly make notes on facts that wouldn’t be revisited in the opinion, wasting energy and precious time. The work was tedious but I remained focused on its importance, forcing myself to take note of the smallest details. Unfortunately for my client, the Judge hadn’t gotten much wrong. I didn’t sleep much that first night, tormented by what I may have missed and what an error on my part would mean for Mohamed.

After compiling a list of the minor inconsistencies, I presented my findings to [Partner]. I must have looked dejected because [Partner] put his hand on my shoulder and told me that “sometimes the law just isn’t in your favor”. He revealed to me that he didn’t think that there was any way we could win an appeal. Taking my list, [Partner] returned to his office to write up our argument.

Later that summer, to our surprise, we learned that the case would go to the Third Circuit of Appeals. I was elated that my thoroughness had paid off in such a meaningful way. Despite “certain defeat”, we had a small victory-- we were given one more chance for Mohamed.

Throughout my internship, I continued to feel a sense of urgency and accomplishment, assisting asylum seekers from Yemen, Ethiopia, Somalia, Nicaragua, and El Salvador. The passion I found there translated back to college the next year as I enrolled in classes that discussed immigration issues in America and abroad. Through these experiences, I know that I want to be involved with our country’s ongoing immigration problems. Having researched many law schools, I know that [XYZ Law] is a perfect match for my interests and goals. I hope to enroll in [XYZ Law’s] clinical courses and to apply to the Spring Break “Immigration Trip”. I am interested in working in other areas of the law as well and [XYZ Law’s] flexible curriculum would allow me to explore those interests as well.

[TrampsLikeU$]

I'd really appreciate some comments on my personal statement. Feel free to say what you really think, I want as much criticism as possible. I'd also be willing to swap if anyone wants to PM me theirs. Thanks!

Embracing subjectivity: Soccer balls, history and the law

I have had a tumultuous relationship with subjectivity. That the world seems to lack an overarching, objective truth has been both a source of confusion and apprehension as well as source of intellectual fascination for me. When I was in fourth grade, I wrote a poem about a soccer ball from the perspectives of two young girls. The first girl played with her team on the soccer field, and the ball signified her wide-open future, her freedom, and her dreams of becoming a professional athlete. The other girl worked in a shadowy sweatshop painstakingly stitching the ball by hand, struggling in the dim light so she could get paid and go home for the day. For her, the soccer ball’s endless stitches were as far into her bleak future as she could see. “Which is the real soccer ball?” I asked, but, even at nine years old, I knew that there was no clear answer to my question, and that left me uneasy.

I played soccer throughout my entire childhood and adolescence in a rural Upstate New York town. My small school district graduated fewer than 100 students each year, and the student body was almost entirely lower-middle class and white. Perhaps it was the lack of diversity in my hometown that drove me to seek out different perspectives on life. For years, I lay in bed at night staring at the world map on my wall, wondering what it would be like to be someone else, not because I was unhappy with my own life, but because I knew that my perspective was not all there was to the world. When I turned fourteen, I started working on an apple farm for $5.25 an hour, and from that moment I spent every hard-earned dollar on traveling to foreign countries, from Ecuador to Mozambique to Italy, looking to quell my feelings of insignificance. As I traveled, however, I began to realize that I did not have to try to escape my own background in order to gain understanding. Not only was such an escape impossible, it was counterproductive. It was only through a deep awareness of my own experiences, perspectives and biases that I could even begin to understand the distinctive experiences, perspectives and biases of others.

When I began my undergraduate education in history, I chose to focus primarily on critical historiography. Many history students see the necessary historiography section of history papers as an annoyance, a tedious process of listing the arguments of the historians who came before, but I saw historiography as an opportunity to learn more about how perspectives have shifted from person to person, from country to country, and from era to era. I examined the biases that each historian brought to his or her work, and how each unique perspective on history not only affected the author’s thesis, but also brought with it a new level of insight into the historical issue at hand.

Many people assume that the ultimate goal of law should be to achieve pure objectivity, devoid of bias. I believe this is neither a feasible nor a viable goal. Each one of us is a subjective human being with his or her own perspective, and trying to ignore the existence of bias is to attempt to ignore one of the most fundamental and indispensable aspects of being human. Successful historians, I have found, are not those who gloss over bias and pretend to be above it, but those who embrace their own subjectivity and the way their own personal experiences may have influenced their perspective on a historical theme. Rather than detracting from or discrediting their work, by exposing their own bias these authors add depth to their field in a way that would otherwise be unobtainable. Bias will never be separate from the law because, like history, law is ultimately a manmade entity. Acknowledging this truth allows us to shift the goal of law from one of detachment to one of inclusion; only by espousing an amalgamation of perspectives can law become truly representative.

Plato was wrong. There is not one ideal form for everything. There is no objective soccer ball that is somehow superior to all other subjective representations, just as there are no ideal, objective laws. The “real” soccer ball and the “real” laws are constantly shifting ideas, blends of perspectives integrated across barriers of location, age, and race and that carry with them the vestiges of history. No idealized forms dictate our realities because, as human beings, we are in control of our own perceptions. There is nothing more significant than that.

[badfish]

edited to protect the innocent

[oxford_don]

[]