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Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:43 pm
by n_gal
If anyone is interested in swapping with someone still early in the process send me a PM, I scrapped my original idea and did a rewrite yesterday/today on a totally different topic so I'm interested in getting opinions on whether or not people think the topic works. I can return the favor

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 2:18 pm
by tipler4213
PM me for a swap. Also, if anyone feels like tearing it apart, I copied the very rough first draft below.

Clumsily rolling out of my half-deflated air mattress, I blindly fumbled around for my watch. Eyes still adjusting to the rays of the nascent morning sun, I pull the watch to my face and squint: 4:47 AM. “What on earth is that noise?” I stumble across my empty apartment, back aching from seventeen hours of driving the day before. Peering out the window, I spot my impromptu-alarm: a procession of Haitian men fervidly singing, dancing, and playing steel drums. In less than twenty-four hours I had stepped out of the meandering pace of suburban life in Alabama into the middle of the J’Ouvert Caribbean carnival. Welcome to Brooklyn. Welcome home.
To most people raised from Mountain Brook, Alabama, Brooklyn would not simply feel like another city, it would feel like another world. A subdivision of the epicenter of the 1960s civil rights struggle, Mountain Brook has remained virtually frozen in the 1950s. My high school graduating class of 337 had zero minorities and most students’ only exposure to diversity came through the bus line that shuttles the neighborhood maids and yardmen to and from their downtown apartments. In college, I sought every opportunity to branch out from the confines of my youth. Despite no prior experience in either subject, I found my niche in Global Relations and the French language, and following a successful immersion program in France, I decided to up the ante and apply for the US State Department’s Critical Language Scholarship for beginning Arabic. A week after returning from France, I was once again airborne over the Atlantic. Destination: Tunis, Tunisia.
Any confidence I had developed in my linguistic capabilities while in France vanished about thirty seconds into the first lesson when my professor informed me that my notebooks were upside down. How else could you write from right to left? Undeterred, I embraced the language and the culture. When I first walked in the neighborhood café, twelve stern faces whipped around to glare at me, making it quite clear that I had intruded on their sacred space. After I timidly settled into a seat in the corner, I was forced to wait 30 minutes for service. Finally, when the owner, Fasaal, begrudgingly left his game of chess and approached my table, he noticed my copy of the Al-Kitaab textbook on the table and mumbled a greeting in Arabic. When I responded with the customary reply and my order, the full extent of my Arabic at this point, he cracked a smile and began spouting of an incomprehensible cacophony of Arabic as I pleaded him to slow down. Finally, using my French fluency as a crutch, I explained to him that I had only been studying Arabic for three days!
Over the course of the summer we became quite close, gradually incorporating more and more Arabic into our conversations. After a few weeks my “usual” of tea and shisha, flavored tobacco, was waiting for me when I arrived for my nightly study session at the café. Those same twelve faces that met me so harshly the first night gradually softened and began to acknowledge my arrival with courteous nods. Nevertheless, four weeks into the program, not one had spoken to me despite the many evenings I was the only other customer. Their argumentative voices and the haze created from their bevy of shishas seemingly melded in as a part of the cafés décor. However, one night, they waived me over and asked if I would like to join their game of chess. Tentatively taking a seat and surveying the board in front of me, I took a long drag of shisha and started to plan my strategy when it hit me: this suburbanite Alabamian was now a Tunisian “regular”.
Returning to the lull of life in Mountain Brook, I quickly became “homesick” for the excitement of my last ten months abroad. However, when I awoke to the clamor of steel drums announcing the start of the J’Ouvert carnival on my first morning in Brooklyn, I knew I was once again home. Wedged in the juncture of Brooklyn’s Caribbean, Jewish, Russian, and Arab quarters, a short walk from my doorstep transports you from one culture to the next, a truly global community. Moreover, my position with the Chertoff Group has proven to be the perfect opportunity to work in a global context. Formed by the former Federal Appeals Court Judge and Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, the group provides strategic security and risk management advice to governments and corporations in fields such as counterterrorism, cyber security, border security, and intelligence. This has provided me with the opportunity to work directly on complex legal matters of global significance, such as the planned mosque near the 9/11 Memorial, wiretapping of online service providers, and surveillance of suspected terrorists. Furthermore, while working for the coauthor of the Patriot Act, I am constantly exposed to the intricacies of the balance between individual liberties and national security.
My desire to pursue a career devoted to seeking the ever-elusive balance between security and the legal rights of citizens at home and abroad has led to my decision to apply for a dual degree at XXXXX law school. This truly unique degree option provides the perfect synthesis for my interests in international relations and law. Moreover, the educational environment at XXX, favoring classroom discussion and a globalized study of the law, perfectly match with my preferred learning style and career ambitions. I am also confident that my childhood experiences with racial injustice in Alabama, unique experiences abroad and in Brooklyn, and time with the Chertoff Group will allow me to make significant contributions to the diversified student body valued by XXXXX.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 2:48 pm
by aesis
I have a very polished 4th draft. PM me for swap.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 3:42 pm
by gonzonater
I have a nearly complete essay, please PM for a swap! I'm looking to finish within the next few days

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:39 pm
by jjlaw
I can swap PS and/or DS with anyone. I'm 90% done with both. I can give you comments within two days after receiving your draft. Thanks!

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:59 pm
by northwood
pm for a swap. im on revision 5, and i want to be done with this by the 29th. thanks !

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:15 pm
by jnjohn86
i'm on revision no. 4. PM for a swap. I'll gladly return the favor and have you PS back to you in about 2 days.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:57 pm
by tipler4213
When are we going to be able to post new threads again? I want to feed mine to the wolves as its own thread....

In the meantime, PM me if you wanna swap. I will do it immediately if you get it to me before 5 Eastern time...(not much to do at work today)

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:13 pm
by forumadmin
tipler4213 wrote:When are we going to be able to post new threads again? I want to feed mine to the wolves as its own thread....
You should be able to creat new threads again now.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:22 pm
by williams55
Anyone want to swap personal statements? PM me!

I would really appreciate the feedback (:

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:47 pm
by novab
I have a rough draft of my PS and am working on my DS (educational).

Would love to swap - PM me! Thanks so much!

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:17 pm
by eliekedourie
PM me for a swap. I've revised this a number of times and I'm looking for fresh eyes. I'm happy to offer my eyes in return.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:06 pm
by maroonzoon
Looking for a swap here, near final. PM me

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:01 pm
by JerrySeinfeld
PM for a swap. DS or PS

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:42 am
by trudat15
Have a final draft ready, just looking for a last pair of eyes to look over any potential grammatical errors.

Thanks

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:27 am
by aesis
Reworked mine. Language is pretty clear, just need to know whether the idea is clear.

PM for swap. Can get it to you same day.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:58 am
by gdane
Swap? Please.

Thanks!

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 1:36 pm
by RambleOn
Also interested in exchanging with a few people...hoping to get my apps out this week! PM me if you want to swap.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:43 pm
by JerrySeinfeld
I just finished up revising my PS and would LOVE advice/feedback. If you want to swap, PM me!

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:10 pm
by TruHoosier
I'm looking for a swap later tonight. PM me yours, and I will PM mine back. I'm on my third draft, close to finished, I think. I'm aiming for a T40 school.

I have degrees in journalism and English, and I've worked as an editor and writer for magazines and similar publications. While I'm only as familiar as the average applicant with the guidelines for writing a PS, I should be able to provide some good criticism on structure, word usage, flow, etc.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:33 pm
by kaftka juice
i've got a ps that's mid-way done. no grammar issues now, just structure and topic. i just want to know if i should continue with what i'm doing or scrap for something new.

pm for a swap

kaftka juice offers the same day guarentee :wink:


EDIT: offer redacted due to decision to wait another year

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:02 pm
by txadv11
.

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:03 pm
by soniaj87
I would love to trade!

soniaj87@gmail.com

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:48 pm
by MBC1989
PM if you want to swap. Thanks!

Re: Swapping personal statements

Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 6:39 pm
by jjlaw
I would like to swap PS/DS, please. PS is more polished than DS, but I'd like to have my apps out this week. I can get back to you within the next day or so. Thanks!