Swapping personal statements Forum

[keithkeating]

Would love to swap personal statements with someone, available for the next few days......
will be online or email me at keithkeating1@gmail.com

*Note: Please be on the second or third draft at least.

[PatientCreation]

Posting mine on here. Feel free to post comments whether public or through a PM. Also, I work 50-hour weeks, but I will try to give adequate critiques to those who PM me requesting I do so.

Here it is:

[Indent] Growing up, my life has been a dialectic mixture of both urban and rural experiences. Although I was born an urban middle-class American, I grew up on the edge of Des Moines raising award-winning and exotic animals and assisting my father with his excavating business. My family was altruistic, but our opinions clashed due to each of us having an ingrained opposition to group-think. The more I searched for my own identity, the further I found myself from it. Instead of seeing my identity reflected back at me in my family’s faces, I tried to become something different and unique for myself.
[Indent] I played with the puzzle of my own identity for years. The thing I finally realized while in college was that I was not using this puzzle to find a new identity; I was using it to connect myself to others. I wanted to use the personality and determination my family had instilled in me to break barriers that others could not see or would not break themselves.
[Indent] During a semester in American Sign Language (ASL), I agreed to interpret for a hearing professor. She wanted me to tell my deaf professor about her travels to South America and how she believed deaf people sounded like birds. What bothered me more than her insensitivity was her sheer ignorance and total dismissal of both my facial expression and that of my deaf professor’s. She cared not for what my professor had to say to her, only that she convey her thoughts to him.
[Indent] I struggled with grasping a common ground between the hearing and Deaf cultures and could not walk on either side without stepping on someone’s toe. I was once again lost in limbo and needed to arrange pieces of the puzzle so that everything made sense.
[Indent] I had already learned about Deaf culture and ASL, so I began looking at what was lost in translation. I found that distrust exists from discomfort and discomfort stems from ignorance. Every time an inconvenience emerges, one group attributes it to another group. My goal is to bridge these types of gaps. The gaps, or barriers, that exist between cultures are also apparent in multiple facets of society. It has been suggested in studies of relationships that an “us” cannot exist without a “them.” I want to study law to provide a bridge between two sides by maximizing understanding and creating fair and even grounds.
[Indent] I recently began a position with AmeriCorps as the coordinator for the State of Iowa Youth Advisory Council. I have been able to witness and participate in an underrepresented voice of our nation—the youth. I constantly get to connect my Council with legislators, government officials, and other organizations. Provided with the opportunity to advocate for youth, I have the ability to portray the opinions of both sides and clarify discrepancies. I want to expand upon what I do so that I can continue to advocate with greater impact—whether that be for an individual, company, or an entire community.
[Indent] My goal is to show people the path that exists from a murky beginning to a crystal clear end. Rather than simply interpret between two parties, I want to work with each side on a deeper level to assure fair treatment and full disclosure.

[spece212]

Anyone online for a PS swap?

[LSATclincher]

After twenty or so edits, I'm truly near the end. I'm up for a swap. PM me.

[CooleyReject]

I'm interested in a swap

[brangara]

Looking to make one last swap ASAP. Message me within the next 5-10 minutes if interested.

[rupret1]

Made a few adjustments and looking to swap. PM me if interested.

[icecold3000]

I would be glad to swap with anyone. Send it my way.

[spece212]

PS swap anyone?

[restless]

I'm ready to swap as well if anyone's interested. PM me

[supermannn]

PM'd a few. PM me - interested in swapping with others as well

[lawgirl10]

I'm here if anyone wants to trade!

[berto24]

I'm on lunch break. PM me if you would like to trade.

[voltage88]

Willing to swap here as well

[bdole2]

would also like to trade

kyle.rock@gmail.com or just PM me

[Kaves]

Willing to swap, just finished up my first draft and have not had anyone else read it yet. Send me a PM

[usonesinbetween]

Just finished a revised draft of my PS, and would love to swap with someone to get some feedback! If you're interested, PM me.

[jsimp]

Just finished my first draft, would like to swap or just received feedback. PM me if you're interested. Thanks

[CanesaLuva]

Finished my first draft of personal statement... someone please PM if they'd like to rip apart and critique!!!

[supermannn]

looking to swap again as well; PM me if interested

[ccnorm]

I could use some serious critiques on my PS. I've been working on it for a few days, but it needs some more work. Rip it to shreds please, thank you!


Ten minutes pass before I realize I am being watched. Glared at with contempt, put more appropriately. My hushed mumbling has upset the girl across the table. Hours spent poring over lecture notes in preparation for final exams wears thin the patience of even the most tolerant person. I offer a quick apology, and pull my notes and pride closer within my allotted study space in this cramped library. Only a moment more passes before I am aware I had been rambling on to myself in Italian. A rather unremarkable observation given the setting in an old university library near Venice; what strikes me is the content of my unconscious murmuring – philosophy. I am surprised, more so thrilled, at the natural comfort with which I have enveloped my philosophical studies in the language I have grown to love.

I came to Italy to foster a budding passion and explore an connection. The connection between philosophy and language may seem as banal as the tie between thought and speech. Yet at their cores, the two great concentrations of my academic career differ greatly in practice. My studies in philosophy have taken me deep within my mind and far back into the history of thought. It is a field dedicated to self-reflection and internal debate. Language, conversely, is an abundantly external exercise where success comes only with interaction with outside world. Every language shapes this interaction uniquely. Whereas one language allows an idea to be efficiently expressed in few words, another language may require many sentences to convey the same thought. I witnessed this curiosity during a lecture on Thomas Hobbes at the same Italian university.

Professor M was a stern, intense man, easily lost in thought. The subject is Leviathan, and while he is easily given to long, often tangential discourse, he arrived at an idea his words fail to communicate. The concept was “awe”. And while he wrapped his speech, much like a snake’s coils, around this central idea, his efforts could not quite keep the idea from slipping from his grasp. Visibly defeated by the blank stares offered by the rows of students in front of him, he looked to me.

“Sir, could you help to explain the idea of ‘awe’ to the class?” he asked in Italian. I consented with a tentative shrug, and offered my best attempt. The stares lingered still, except they were now trained on me. One student even dropped his jaw in bewilderment. But M had found inspiration in my attempt, and with new energy his took up his endeavor again. Backtracking, sidetracking, he wound his coils tighter until finally in one quick swoop of words he captured his prey for the class. An audible “ohh” of realization escaped the mouths of many, and I could not help but smile as he finished with a gruff, “Hmpf!”

Sitting at the library table amongst my study notes, a few weeks removed from that lecture, I am thrilled most by the unexpected inspiration that caused my quiet muttering. Philosophical ideas are often difficult to articulate in words, the efficacy of such a task determined by linguistic tools at hand. Having observed the curious attempts of Professor M weeks before, I only truly appreciated this relationship of mind and tongue in my moments of unconscious mumbling. Philosophy concerns internal debate at base, but facing external scrutiny gives philosophy real value. Struggles with translations of concepts refine my linguistic skills, but they also make me a better philosopher.

I have known for many years that law school is my future. I have prepared my mind for the rigors that lie ahead, and I am ready to face them with confidence. Through my concentration in philosophy, I have acquired the analytical reasoning and research skills that will bring me success as a law student. But success as a legal professional is predicated on more than just study skills. Practical applications and opening theories to external scrutiny bring a lawyer out of the library and into the outside world. The outside world, the unknown, excites me more than the future for which I have prepared. While I know I will be a successful student, the inspirations and opportunities beyond law school will open the doors to true success and happiness. And I have not planned for them. I have shaped my academic career toward my future in law school. The unrevealed opportunities and inspirations ahead excite me more than ever as I enter this new path in life. Law school is my future no longer, it is my present.

[CalyssaT]

Would anyone like to swap with me? My PS is almost done (hopefully) - just developing a couple more paragraphs, but would REALLY appreciate another person's opinion on what I have so far.

I will return the favor promptly.

PM me!

Thanks!

[jpritchett5]

I am getting raped this cycle. Although it is a little late in the game, there is nothing wrong with a little troubleshooting. I may never know if someone disrecommended me, but I can at least determine if there are problems with my personal statement. While this is not the final version, it has the basic contents and I think the differences are negligible. There may be something inherently cheesy about using a quote but I tried to keep it grounded. Your feedback is greatly appreciated and, please, be honest.

Personal Statement

“Prudence is but experience, which equal time, equally bestows on all men, in those things they equally apply themselves into.” -Thomas Hobbes

Hobbes’ quote encapsulates the importance of personal, first-hand
experience while maintaining his position that humans are, by and
large, relative equals. This quote has resonated with me since I
first read it my sophomore year of college in a social and political
philosophy class at Georgia State University. Hobbes recognized that,
in a world of relative equals, there are few things that distinguish a
person from others.

In a world of relative equals, personal experience is one of the most
distinguishing factors between individuals. Acknowledging this
enduring truth at a formative age led me to seek experiences that
now form an integral part of my identity. Beginning in high school, I
have made a concerted effort to acquire experiences that would foster
the maturation of a well-rounded, knowledgeable individual.

Some of the most important experiences in my life have come from
working many different types of jobs. I started my first job at 16 as
a cook/cashier in a Chik-fil-a restaurant in Peachtree City, Georgia.
Clocking in just over two thousand hours during my last two years of
high school, I developed a sense of pride both for my work and my
strong work-ethic.

In college, I became a volunteer in the emergency care center of
Atlanta's Grady Memorial Hospital, the most active trauma center in
the Southern United States. **another sentence** The gratifying
experience of providing medical service to some of the most needy
population of Atlanta played a definitive role in my decision to
become more involved in public service.

Shortly after, I pursued my interest in public service through an internship at
the Dekalb County Public Defender’s Office in Decatur, Georgia. As an
intern, I conducted the initial interviews with the office’s clients
during which I gathered information about the clients’ cases and
explained the steps of criminal prosecution. This information was
later referenced in various stages of each client’s case, e.g., the
preliminary hearing. I took these interviews very seriously as they
were the clients' first impressions of the office and an indication of
the kind of legal representation that they would receive. This
experience gave me a veritable interest in the legal profession; it
became apparent that practicing law could also be a conduit to public
service.
Arguably, my most important life experience to date is my service in the Peace
Corps. I have worked and will continue to work in Chaguarpamba up until the
beginning of my studies in law school. Chaguarpamba is a small town in the
southern part of Ecuador inhabited by approximately five thousand warm
and good-spirited people. While receptive to change, the people of Chaguarpamba
suffer from the lack of knowledge and technology to prevent
illness such as malnutrition, obesity, and HIV. My goal here is to educate people
about the benefits of water filtration, while helping them build
practical solutions, such as biosand water filters, at their homes. I
am also investigating effective strategies for educating people about
safe sex and promoting HIV awareness.

My work in Ecuador not only rewards me with the opportunity to aid
those less fortunate than myself, but also with invaluable experience
toward my longstanding goal of becoming a bilingual lawyer. I hope to
benefit the people of Chaguarpamba as much as they will enrich my
life both during and after the Peace Corps.

By imparting invaluable knowledge, my past life experiences have afforded me
a greater sense of perspective, helping to shape me as person. Thomas
Hobbes highlights the connection between experience and knowledge when
he said “[p]rudence is but experience, which equal time, equally
bestows on all men.” I am confident that my experiences have given me
the values and qualities necessary to be an effective lawyer, such as emotional
maturity, a good work-ethic, and a genuine interest in the law.

[jpritchett5]

Oh yea, I reedited my sister's suggestion to the following sentence:

The gratifying experience of providing medical service to some of the most needy
population of Atlanta played a definitive role in my decision to
become more involved in public service.

It now reads "The gratifying experience of providing medical service to some of ATLANTA'S POOREST INDIVIDUALS
played a definitive role in my decision to
become more involved in public service."

[DarkPhantom]

Anyone up for a swap?
PM me please!