if someone can please help my final revision (personal statement)
Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 2:29 am
Hey guys if someone can please give me their opinion of my personal statement. I feel like i might of wrote too much so if i can get any advice on what isn't necessary so i can cut off i would really appreciate it or if i should just leave it how it is.
thank you
Personal statement essay
When I was five years old, I accompanied my mother to the immigration office for her citizenship hearing. After months of preparation, she finally had the opportunity to present her paperwork and complete the naturalization process. Unfortunately, when we arrived at the office, I realized that this goal was not a sure thing. The family before us left the building in tears. And I worried: would we suffer the same fate? An hour later, I had my answer. My mother did her best to hide her emotions as we left the office. However, her tears were impossible to ignore. When we arrived home, she assured me: “All of the sacrifices your father and I are making will be worth it one day. We will give you and your sister a better life.”
As I matured, I realized that my family’s experience with the immigration process was far from unique. Across the US, millions of people struggle to obtain their citizenship and build a successful future in America. My family’s journey was particularly difficult because my older sister was still in Peru. Without the proper paperwork, she could not obtain a visa and join our family in the US. Even worse, the original attorney my parents hired was not as organized and efficient as he needed to be. As a result, we endured a prolonged separation that nearly broke my parents’ hearts.
At age five, there was little I could do help the situation or ease my family’s pain. Nevertheless, I made a solemn promise for the future: that I would use my skills to prevent other people from suffering similar injustices. In high school, I translated immigration documents for friends and colleagues who were not proficient in English. I also spent hours researching the law, to understand their rights and obligations. Whenever possible, I also helped disabled students with their exercises and homework assignments. By doing so, I developed my strengths as a teacher, mentor, and communicator. More importantly, I discovered the joy of helping vulnerable people live stronger and happier lives.
To prepare for a legal career, I completed my Associate degree in Criminal Justice at Ocean County College while working a full-time job. These responsibilities were daunting; however, they taught me how to work hard, manage my time, and set clear priorities. During my time at Ocean County College, I began to take advanced courses at Kean University, to explore my passion for Criminal Justice and to accelerate the completion of my Bachelor’s degree. I was particularly intrigued by my classes in research method and proof of verification, which taught me how criminal cases are built, prosecuted, and defended. Further, by completing assignments for these classes, I became a strong writer who can present complex information clearly and persuasively.
To broaden my perspective of the legal profession, I joined several organizations at Kean University, including the Pre-law Society, the Criminal Justice Club, and the International Student Association. I also built strong relationships with my professors and asked them for help when I needed it. By working 70 hours per week during the summer, I saved enough money to focus exclusively on my education during the school year. This simple step yielded impressive results; I raised my GPA to a 3.5, was named to the Dean’s List, and completed my Bachelor’s degree with honors. More importantly, I confirmed my ability to handle the rigorous intellectual challenges that law school will present.
In my free time, I continue to help people who need assistance with immigration problems, which has confirmed my desire to specialize in this field. Far too often, families struggle to complete this process, due to financial, linguistic, and cultural barriers that are difficult to overcome. Further, they do not know how to choose an attorney who is competent, well organized, and able to represent them with integrity and compassion. In the past few years, I have worked tirelessly to develop the skills I will need to assume these responsibilities. By excelling in school, I have learned how to think logically, analyze complex documents quickly and accurately, and present my conclusions in a concise way. By becoming fluent in Spanish, I have learned how to communicate with people who cannot speak English – and to serve as a translator on their behalf. Finally, by helping developmentally challenged students and working in customer service, I have learned how to build strong relationships based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. These strengths, which cannot be taught in a classroom, will allow me to represent the needs of a diverse group of clients.
As I prepare for law school, I remember my family’s struggle to become US citizens and build a better life in our new country. I attribute our success to a single person: the skilled and compassionate attorney who assumed our case after a prolonged delay and guided my parents through every step of this process. Eventually, I hope to make a comparable impact on my own clients’ lives. By completing my Juris Doctorate at Name of School, I can achieve this goal and fulfill the promise I made when I was five years old; to “pay forward” the blessings that my parents’ sacrifices afforded me.
The path ahead will undoubtedly be difficult. However, I am confident that I possess the focus, maturity, and perseverance that I will need to overcome every challenge I encounter. In difficult times, I will use the strength that my parents instilled in me to protect the rights of vulnerable people. Ideally, I can also do my part to create a stronger and more inclusive society in which every voice is valued and heard.
thank you
Personal statement essay
When I was five years old, I accompanied my mother to the immigration office for her citizenship hearing. After months of preparation, she finally had the opportunity to present her paperwork and complete the naturalization process. Unfortunately, when we arrived at the office, I realized that this goal was not a sure thing. The family before us left the building in tears. And I worried: would we suffer the same fate? An hour later, I had my answer. My mother did her best to hide her emotions as we left the office. However, her tears were impossible to ignore. When we arrived home, she assured me: “All of the sacrifices your father and I are making will be worth it one day. We will give you and your sister a better life.”
As I matured, I realized that my family’s experience with the immigration process was far from unique. Across the US, millions of people struggle to obtain their citizenship and build a successful future in America. My family’s journey was particularly difficult because my older sister was still in Peru. Without the proper paperwork, she could not obtain a visa and join our family in the US. Even worse, the original attorney my parents hired was not as organized and efficient as he needed to be. As a result, we endured a prolonged separation that nearly broke my parents’ hearts.
At age five, there was little I could do help the situation or ease my family’s pain. Nevertheless, I made a solemn promise for the future: that I would use my skills to prevent other people from suffering similar injustices. In high school, I translated immigration documents for friends and colleagues who were not proficient in English. I also spent hours researching the law, to understand their rights and obligations. Whenever possible, I also helped disabled students with their exercises and homework assignments. By doing so, I developed my strengths as a teacher, mentor, and communicator. More importantly, I discovered the joy of helping vulnerable people live stronger and happier lives.
To prepare for a legal career, I completed my Associate degree in Criminal Justice at Ocean County College while working a full-time job. These responsibilities were daunting; however, they taught me how to work hard, manage my time, and set clear priorities. During my time at Ocean County College, I began to take advanced courses at Kean University, to explore my passion for Criminal Justice and to accelerate the completion of my Bachelor’s degree. I was particularly intrigued by my classes in research method and proof of verification, which taught me how criminal cases are built, prosecuted, and defended. Further, by completing assignments for these classes, I became a strong writer who can present complex information clearly and persuasively.
To broaden my perspective of the legal profession, I joined several organizations at Kean University, including the Pre-law Society, the Criminal Justice Club, and the International Student Association. I also built strong relationships with my professors and asked them for help when I needed it. By working 70 hours per week during the summer, I saved enough money to focus exclusively on my education during the school year. This simple step yielded impressive results; I raised my GPA to a 3.5, was named to the Dean’s List, and completed my Bachelor’s degree with honors. More importantly, I confirmed my ability to handle the rigorous intellectual challenges that law school will present.
In my free time, I continue to help people who need assistance with immigration problems, which has confirmed my desire to specialize in this field. Far too often, families struggle to complete this process, due to financial, linguistic, and cultural barriers that are difficult to overcome. Further, they do not know how to choose an attorney who is competent, well organized, and able to represent them with integrity and compassion. In the past few years, I have worked tirelessly to develop the skills I will need to assume these responsibilities. By excelling in school, I have learned how to think logically, analyze complex documents quickly and accurately, and present my conclusions in a concise way. By becoming fluent in Spanish, I have learned how to communicate with people who cannot speak English – and to serve as a translator on their behalf. Finally, by helping developmentally challenged students and working in customer service, I have learned how to build strong relationships based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. These strengths, which cannot be taught in a classroom, will allow me to represent the needs of a diverse group of clients.
As I prepare for law school, I remember my family’s struggle to become US citizens and build a better life in our new country. I attribute our success to a single person: the skilled and compassionate attorney who assumed our case after a prolonged delay and guided my parents through every step of this process. Eventually, I hope to make a comparable impact on my own clients’ lives. By completing my Juris Doctorate at Name of School, I can achieve this goal and fulfill the promise I made when I was five years old; to “pay forward” the blessings that my parents’ sacrifices afforded me.
The path ahead will undoubtedly be difficult. However, I am confident that I possess the focus, maturity, and perseverance that I will need to overcome every challenge I encounter. In difficult times, I will use the strength that my parents instilled in me to protect the rights of vulnerable people. Ideally, I can also do my part to create a stronger and more inclusive society in which every voice is valued and heard.