I need a new set of eyes on my Personal Statement Forum

[AEC13]

Hey,

I am looking to submit my LS apps within the next few weeks. Obviously I want to have the best chances of getting into my top school, so I want to make sure my personal statement is along the lines of what admission committees are looking for... I would appreciate it if any of you could offer any insight. Thanks.

[A Poor Pianist]

Great personal statement. Tells a very interesting narrative. I think you should go into more description on why you want to go to law school. You touch on it slightly in your last few sentences, and I'm not sure if it is enough.

[Rogah]

[question marks denote style suggestions rather than corrections per se]
blur -> a blur OR blurry
old memory fading away -- I don't think this simile works; I'm having difficulty imagining the sensation or feeling it denotes.
pain, dazed, and overcome with sadness, because -- I'd remove the third comma. You weren't in pain because; you were sad because
unending -- fierce?
career ending -> career-ending
lost -> wasted?
are lurking -> lurk?
launching pad toward -> springboard to?
totally dedicate -> dedicate?
fall to -> drift to?
back-burner -> back burner
took on -> moved to?
stone to use -> stone?
towards -> toward? (2x) [The American Heritage 5th's entry for "towards" is "Variant of toward."
deep set -> deep-set
enact -> effect [laws are enacted; change is effected or made]