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So, I want to start off by saying that everything in my personal statement is, for the most part, true- I'm not claiming to do things I have never done, nor am I claiming to occupy positions I've never held. It's more of a question regarding creative license.

The main line of my personal statement details how, as a prominent leader in a community I was responsible for enforcing an ethic of contribution, and that if someone wasn't contributing, I was to enforce the rules as written out by said community - accrual of contributions owed, fines, and eventually ejection. During my time in this job I encountered two members, both of whom I discovered (almost but not quite too late to help) that they had severe mental illnesses that prevented them from functioning in this system the same way everyone else did. Their problems were very similar and had nearly the same result- one was put up for ejection from the community and another was actually ejected and worked his way back in. It lead me to seriously consider how much of people's success or failure depends on conforming to systems, and how much human potential we could gain if systems became more flexible towards human variation. It's a thought that played across my mind over the past few months as I've undergone treatment for my own ADHD (not something I'm including in the statement, just to say that it is an important concept to me and I think illustrating how it took root will provide an accurate portrait of myself.)

I have two versions of this essay- one that's 100% accurate, talking about managing both people and their problems at once. It's clunky and neither of their stories really pack a punch.

The other version fuses them into one person, selecting characteristics from each of their cases but ultimately getting to the same heartwarming win. Essay #2 gets an overwhelmingly better reception from people than essay #1, and it's objectively just a better piece of writing.

Is it unethical to submit the better story? Will anyone find out? Will anyone care if they do find out? I'm not using either person's real name in the interest of protecting their privacy. The policies I implemented in response to their situations are real, their situations are real, the ways we eventually worked out that they could contribute are real, but it just reads better narrating them as one person instead of two. Ironic in an essay on human variation? Yes. But there just doesn't seem to be room for both stories and the details of each one compliment the other quite well.

Anonymous User wrote:Will anyone find out?

You did just post your thesis statement online.

But, to the more important question of whether it's ethical, I don't think you should fabricate your story. I can almost guarantee there is a way to phrase and communicate your real experiences that will get the same reaction as version #2, even if it takes some more work. If everyone had a pass on making stuff up to make their PS more interesting, where does it stop? where do we draw the line?

A lie about two people who've really helped shape you shouldn't be necessary, and I don't think it's right. If the reality of what happened was meaningful enough to inspire you to write about it, you can certainly craft a good statement out of the truth.

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Yes, it's unethical. You also sound douchey. If you discuss everything as if it were about one person, then you didn't actual do what you're saying you did. You did parts of it for two different people, not all of it for one person. Just write a better version about two people, because that's the only story that's true.

Anonymous User wrote:Is it unethical to submit the better story? Will anyone find out? Will anyone care if they do find out?

DO NOT SUBMIT THE "BETTER" STORY JUST BECAUSE IT READS BETTER.

Take it as a cue to rework the 100% true story such that it sings. I guarantee you, it can be done.

OP here- I appreciate the responses. IRL responses have ranged from vague shrugs of "it's no worse than resume padding" to "that's terrible," and in a process that's full of ghostwriters, coaches and all other sorts of stupid tricks to get ahead it's hard to tell when to dial it back. Back to the drawing board then.

Anonymous User wrote:IRL responses have ranged from vague shrugs of "it's no worse than resume padding"...

Just for future reference, resume padding is also horrible and unethical. And if the bar catches you doing it, you're in deep shit.

I'm not saying you're doing it, but since that was presented as something that you/your friends think is totally ok...

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aaronbursar wrote:where does it stop? where do we draw the line?

So quick witted