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Please critique my (very) rough transfer personal statement

Posted: Sun May 08, 2016 2:50 am
by Anonymous User
As a forward, I've been told that for transferring more weight is put on 1L numbers. While I'm fairly confident my numbers are strong enough, to be on the safe side I also want to make sure I'm not submitting a garbage personal statement. Apologies in advance for how rough this is. Any/all critique is appreciated.



For as long as I can remember, I have continuously searched for new ways to challenge myself. Rather than settling for the hand life has dealt me, I am driven by a hunger to push myself to new heights of achievement. For me, the choice to embark down the legal career path is yet another challenge I am currently pursuing. However, merely going through the motions of law school is not enough. Rather, the goal I am in pursuit of is a career in law where I can use my past experiences living abroad to build cross-cultural connections between both clients and attorneys. Now, as I am planning my next steps after my first year of law school, I realize that transferring to [school name] is the next step I must take to reach this goal.

The knowledge and experiences I have acquired while at [currently law school] have helped to establish the foundation for my legal career path. From my very first day here, I was immediately challenged by classmates who seemed to be worlds apart from me in terms of intelligence. Listening to their discussions in class, I felt hopelessly lost merely trying to parse what they were saying. While coming into [current law school] I knew that my admission numbers were below average, I was astounded at how far behind I felt relative to my peers. However, rather than conceding that I could never hope to match my peers, I pushed myself to rise to the challenge, and to not let something like my LSAT score define what kind of student I would become. After countless late nights in the library, I carefully honed my understanding of the law. Then, by the time finals arrived, the fruits of many sleepless nights of study were realized when I found myself ranked among the top students in my class. However, despite my successes this past year, I know that I still have much further to go in order to achieve my career goal.

Looking forward, I believe that [school name] is where my path will continue. I believe that learning and working alongside the accomplished students at [school name] will drive me to reach new heights in my legal study. Moreover, I believe that my own personal motivation may help inspire those around me. [School specific points].

While [current law school] helped to start me on my path towards a legal career, it also showed me how much further I need to go in order to achieve my personal career goals. I believe that in order to challenge myself to achieve these goals, [school name] is where my career path must continue.

Re: Please critique my (very) rough transfer personal statement

Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2016 12:49 am
by FayRays
I like what I read. But to be honest, other than a hard worker and accomplished student, I don't know anything about you?
Who are you? Why should I choose you and not x or z!
Who are you?
You did not say a lot about yourself; this is personal statement, tell me more about you even if it's a silly moment that taught you something about yourself. Tell us about what you learned abroad and how that transformed you, tell me more!
They need to read more to like you and then fight for you!

Re: Please critique my (very) rough transfer personal statement

Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2016 1:09 am
by justonemoregame
Just chiming in to say that requiring transfers to submit personal statements is like holding a hoola hoop against the ground. To the extent the admissions committee (Revenue Dept.) actually reads these, I think you have the right idea.