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First post on TLS! Is anyone willing to take a look at my personal statement? Please be critical!

There was a time when it was unclear whether or not I would be going to college, nevertheless law school. I recently called my Mom in excitement over the completion of a law school application, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the contrast, jokingly recalling how getting me to fill out college applications when I was 18 years old was like “pulling teeth."

My high school teachers characterized me as an intelligent but indifferent student. At the time, this characterization rang true. I was more concerned with how many tackles I would have in the football game Friday night or where we would be partying at afterwards, than with my schoolwork. My parents consistently preached the value of education to my brothers and I, but I never seemed to listen. My younger brother’s designation as a National Merit Scholar further highlighted my pattern of academic mediocrity. During one particularly bad fight over a poor report card, my Mom called me a “bottom feeder” and questioned if I was going continue through life just doing the bare minimum. For a while, I did.

A strong ACT score offset my lackluster grades and afforded me admission to St. Mary’s College of California on scholarship. However, I withdrew after my freshman year and enrolled at the community college down the street, with the hopes of playing football. My parents were upset, but not surprised, seeing this move as just another chapter in my story of underachievement. When I enrolled at Contra Costa College, I felt as though I had been granted A New Beginning, mainly due to the fact that I had a fresh chance at my forgone college football career, which had been a source of internal conflict for me as a college freshman. Throwing myself back into football gave my life a much-needed structure, which helped me stabilize my grades and make good choices, at a time when I still had a lot of growing up to do.

However, my new circumstances were not entirely positive. Playing community college football allowed me to pursue my passion as an athlete but also effectively sentenced me to a minimalist existence. Practices and other team obligations made working a steady job impossible, and the only support my parents were offering anymore were monthly rent checks. To make matters worse, the school was located in San Pablo County, one of the lowest income areas in California. I can recall that digging between the couch cushions for change to catch the bus was not an uncommon practice. I left Contra Costa College determined that I would take control of my future and start taking steps to better myself. Recalling my parent’s old sermons, I realized the way to do this was to become the student whom I had spent my youth convincing myself I wasn’t.

When I arrived at Central Washington University, I was focused both on the field and in the classroom. I was one of two walk-ons, out of almost thirty hopefuls, to win a roster spot on the football team. At the same time, I was awarded acceptance into the university’s honors college and began taking conscious steps to improve my writing. I fell in love with the discourse of Philosophy and was soon receiving mostly A’s in my classes. I also began to actively seek out opportunities for extracurricular academic involvement, something I had never done before.

I know what it means to practice law. My legal aspirations do not come from watching daytime television or reading murder mysteries. My current job at an insurance defense law firm allows me to witness firsthand the everyday experiences of attorneys in the field. Also, my father has been a plaintiff’s attorney in Portland, Oregon for over 20 years, allowing me further insight into the unglamorous side of the profession, which often is not portrayed. To some, legal work is considered boring or mundane. However, I find the competitive nature of the craft to be intellectually stimulating.

To the law school classroom I will bring shrewd critical thinking ability, strong reading, writing, and presentation skills, and the competitive focus of a former athlete. I can’t help but be proud of the progress I’ve made over the past 4-5 years as both a person and a scholar. I have truly come full-circle from my days as a rebellious, apathetic teenager, and I feel as though I am just now hitting my full academic stride. Upon careful self-reflection, I believe law school is the natural extension of my talents and inclinations, and I can honestly say that I have never been this excited or motivated for an undertaking in my life. I am ready to focus all of my energy towards the study of law. I would be honored to have the opportunity to do so at the University of Washington.

This may not be as critical as you were hoping but I actually really enjoyed reading this . Kept me engaged and flowed with intent . I may be slightly bias ( from Portland also) but I'm sending positive vibes your way ! Good luck!

I think this is a good PS. My one criticism would be that I think you spend too much time in the negative and not enough on the positive change and examples of that.

Hope that helps good luck!

cheesy143 wrote:I think this is a good PS. My one criticism would be that I think you spend too much time in the negative and not enough on the positive change and examples of that.

Hope that helps good luck!

Thanks for reading! It's great to get honest, impartial feedback.

Howard2Harvard wrote:This may not be as critical as you were hoping but I actually really enjoyed reading this . Kept me engaged and flowed with intent . I may be slightly bias ( from Portland also) but I'm sending positive vibes your way ! Good luck!

Thank you! I appreciate it the affirmation, especially from a fellow Portlander.

My advice would be to make more of a connection between the story you tell about your academic (and athletic) progression and your desire to go to law school. As it stands it seems like you tell the facts of your path from HS to the end of college, and then switch gears to your job giving you practical knowledge, and then transition again to what you bring to the law school classroom and your core motivation to attend law school. Perhaps relate the experience and skills gained during the college/football journey to what you bring to the classroom and your desire to go to law school (with your current job being a piece of this). That way each part of your paper is necessary and related. If you do that I would also tell the facts of your progression through college and football faster, and then move beyond the facts to your broader points.

Honestly I am not a fan of this PS as it reads like a third-person narrative and make-shift addendum. I understand you tell it in in the first person, but when I go through the events of your life, I understand no details but enough of the general ideas. I would start off by admitting who you were before, not saying others described you as such. Then explain, through your eyes, a specific instance in which you had changed, and how your perspective has evolved. Then move into how you have continued in a way that reflects that evolved perspective.

I would say the PS as a whole is disjointed. First I am learning about your lackluster approach to education, then I find that you found that it was time to make a switch and pursue more likely and profitable endeavors instead of football, and then you had a job, and your dad has one too, and you have these skills. There's too much telling and not enough showing.

I recommend you read some of the statements on this page, especially the second as it relates somewhat to you, to get a better idea of the general style in which a commanding PS is written.

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/alumni/maga ... irownwords

Alive97 wrote:My advice would be to make more of a connection between the story you tell about your academic (and athletic) progression and your desire to go to law school. As it stands it seems like you tell the facts of your path from HS to the end of college, and then switch gears to your job giving you practical knowledge, and then transition again to what you bring to the law school classroom and your core motivation to attend law school. Perhaps relate the experience and skills gained during the college/football journey to what you bring to the classroom and your desire to go to law school (with your current job being a piece of this). That way each part of your paper is necessary and related. If you do that I would also tell the facts of your progression through college and football faster, and then move beyond the facts to your broader points.

Agreed. I think that I will develop the idea that both law school and college football appeal to my competitive drive. In retrospect, I was looking for a competitive outlet instead of a football career. Idk something along those lines. Thank you for your feedback!

sjp200 wrote:Honestly I am not a fan of this PS as it reads like a third-person narrative and make-shift addendum. I understand you tell it in in the first person, but when I go through the events of your life, I understand no details but enough of the general ideas. I would start off by admitting who you were before, not saying others described you as such. Then explain, through your eyes, a specific instance in which you had changed, and how your perspective has evolved. Then move into how you have continued in a way that reflects that evolved perspective.

I would say the PS as a whole is disjointed. First I am learning about your lackluster approach to education, then I find that you found that it was time to make a switch and pursue more likely and profitable endeavors instead of football, and then you had a job, and your dad has one too, and you have these skills. There's too much telling and not enough showing.

I recommend you read some of the statements on this page, especially the second as it relates somewhat to you, to get a better idea of the general style in which a commanding PS is written.

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/alumni/maga ... irownwords

I see what you're saying about it being somewhat disjointed. However, I think my overarching theme is one of personal transformation. Also, part of my goal is to explain why I attended three different colleges during undergrad. Perhaps I could save some of this for a separate addendum in order to make my PS more focused. Thanks for your honest feedback!