Top Law Schools

I welcome all thoughts and critiques on my personal statement below

On a quick read through I don't notice anything that is particularly glaring. So congratulations! You have a pretty good quality PS here. However, you should go through and remove all passive voice that you can:
"felt like we should have been offering them" --> "felt like we should be offering them"

readerchick15 wrote: Whether I’m standing in a packed auditorium, or simply in the shower, singing has been an important thread in the tapestry of my life.

A touch cliche, but I don't see this being an issue because your overall PS isn't too "fluffy" in that sense.

As a young child, I sang incessantly, making songs out everything I spoke or read. Much to the chagrin of my parents, singing was something I just couldn’t help but do. What began as just my little quirk however, developed into a passion that required practice and patience. As I’ve grown older, so has my fondness for the art of singing.

This is a good start (there are some grammatical informalities/quirks that need cleaned up)

I love the way it makes me feel, and then challenges me to channel those feelings into something greater. It comforts me, and yet pushes me to step out of my comfort zone. It teaches me to think creatively and improvise, but also to be disciplined and dedicated to improvement. Most importantly, I love how singing has afforded me a wealth of opportunities to grow and mature both my voice and my mind.

This is a common trait of most PS drafts that people post on TLS. You're telling instead of showing. Show your reader a situation where your feelings were channeled into something greater. Then it seems much more authentic than if you just assert it.

When I arrived at **Undergrad**, I was immediately drawn to the gospel choir. Not only was it a place where I could sing, but it became a place to learn and grow. With every performance, I was amazed at how singing could bring such a diverse group of people together and touch so many different lives. I began to view my musical affinity as a blessing, and sharing it through the choir was a way I could bring light to others. I was able to offer encouragement and inspiration to students and members of the community.

Take a deeper dive... talk about a specific memory where you got to share inspiration with others.

I helped mentor underprivileged children, motivating them to work hard. I was an advocate for continued investments in the arts. I felt that my involvement with the choir on campus had given me a sense of purpose and belonging. It was touring off campus however, that allowed me to envision my purpose post-graduation.

This part doesn't belong in the same paragraph. Once you spend some time talking about using your singing as insipiration, let that inspiration theme flow into your mentorship story. However, make sure to break those stories up so that the reader isn't confused about whether it's one story or two. This is important because of the next paragraph.

The choir had come to Washington, DC in honor of Martin Luther King Day. Singing chords of “We Shall Overcome” I was reminded of music's history and effectiveness as a tool for activism. Later that evening, standing in the dining room of Miriam’s Kitchen, a local group fighting to end homelessness, my stomach was a ball of nerves. The choir was to perform for the men and women dining there, but I couldn't help thinking, “why would they want to listen to a bunch of ‘spoiled ivy league kids’ sing about overcoming?”I felt like we should have been offering them more than musical entertainment, but as the music faded in, I allowed myself to fall into the familiar melodies, singing with passion and sincerity. When I looked out, I saw that they weren’t eyeing us skeptically, but the chords of the music acted as cords on a bridge, bringing both groups together until everyone was carried away in song. It was an experience I won’t forget.

The reason I'm saying to split it up into 2 stories is because then you can end with this "bombshell" portion of the anecdote where the two stories are actually part of the same story. This is the climax of your PS, and it will pop if the reader doesn't know that it's coming.

As I stared out of the bus windows, travelling back to campus, my mind wandered back to Miriam’s Kitchen. I thought about the joy we were able to share with them and experience together. We were able to sing the same songs and be moved by the same music, but I also knew that when it was all over we would not be rushing off to the same warm homes. That thought continued to nag at me. I felt that something more was required of me. While singing may possess the ability to influence moods and perspectives, it does nothing to change reality. It was then that I knew I couldn’t stay content with my voice trapped in a song. I needed to actually help make progress and not just sing about it. It was this realization that led to my interest in law.
When I’m preparing to perform, it requires an understanding of theory and a mastery of the elements arranged on the page. However, it is through expression that a song comes alive. In that regard, law and music are very similar. One must understand the intricacies and nuances of legal theory, but it is the performance of the law; the way that it is applied and interpreted, that leaves a lasting impact. I look at the legal profession as an opportunity to take what I love about song, and apply it in a way that has tangible results.
I returned to campus with a new perspective and a zeal to add my voice and actions to the chorus of those striving to make positive change. I grew more interested in the questions being raised about discrimination and inequalities in the criminal justice system. I began to work with groups on campus devoted to fighting social inequalities. Reflecting on my musical experience, I realized that just as music influences many people in many different ways, so does our legal system. It can be a tool to inspire progress, but it can also flame hatred and oppression.

I think this part can be cut down. In general, you're back to "telling" instead of "showing", and so you just want to trim this part up to cement the personal growth that came from your experience along with relating it to law.


[/quote]As I set out to study the law, I bring with me the same passion, dedication and openness of mind that I did to the gospel choir. I view legal study and practice as the next arena in which my voice can be a light in the world. It is my hope that attending law school will equip me with the legal expertise, connections and tools necessary to continue the fight for legal and social equality.[/quote]

I would expand the conclusion a little bit, but i think you're on the right track. Try to avoid going too fluffy on the conclusion, but I think you're pretty close to the right track so far.