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***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:00 am
by magnum_law
Thanks all
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:19 pm
by magnum_law
Bump
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 2:29 pm
by mynameismyname
I found it inspiring and convincing. Good luck!
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 2:47 pm
by LawSchoolApp123321
Show, not tell. I would take out much of the first paragraph.
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 5:47 pm
by magnum_law
mynameismyname wrote:I found it inspiring and convincing. Good luck!
Great to hear! Thanks!
LawSchoolApp123321 wrote:Show, not tell. I would take out much of the first paragraph.
I've been thinking about this actually, but struggling to think of an alternate introduction. I don't think the current intro is bad, but I wrote a DS so I do t wanna come off as redundant.
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 6:10 pm
by hbaker712
I sent you a PM with some more detail.
The only thing missing for me, is why this all matters. I like the statement as it shows some great personal strength, but my personal preference is to put at least a paragraph in there explaining what this means for the study of law/the study of law at a particular institution.
Hope that makes sense.
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:04 pm
by magnum_law
hbaker712 wrote:I sent you a PM with some more detail.
The only thing missing for me, is why this all matters. I like the statement as it shows some great personal strength, but my personal preference is to put at least a paragraph in there explaining what this means for the study of law/the study of law at a particular institution.
Hope that makes sense.
Thanks again, hbaker . PM sent!
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:16 pm
by kcdc1
Made it through "somewhat deviated from" and stopped. No one says that. Don't use weird words / phrasing to try to sound smart.
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:36 pm
by Minnietron
kcdc1 wrote:Made it through "somewhat deviated from" and stopped. No one says that. Don't use weird words / phrasing to try to sound smart.
+1
Also, use more active voice.
Re: ***Submitting tonight...PLZ Help w/ one final proof***
Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 10:39 pm
by magnum_law
Good advice regarding active voice, thanks