"why you want to be a lawyer" prompt PS, comments welcome Forum

[brodhi]

“You’ll get beat up if you ever go to public school,” they said.

I was homeschooled until the 9th grade. I shared my classroom with a brother and a slew of books. We grew up in a small rural, country town north of Houston, Texas. Although our parents did the best they could to integrate us into classroom co-ops and group activities, we often felt awkward and out of touch with the faster social pace of our peers. I was the very definition of “hyperactivity” and was frequently labelled a pest. My go-to form of social interaction was to steal hats and play keep-away with them. In the absence of a hat, I poked, prodded and rough-housed my way into all hearts. I was free to run wild in the woods or down by the creek, barefoot and curious about everything.

Our school with an enrollment of two pupils became a public school with an enrollment of 4000. Because my brother and I had the advantage of learning our own way and at our own rate, we tested a grade higher than our peers. I was eligible to enroll as a sophomore when I joined the public school system at 14. Luckily, my parents, school advisors and I decided that I would remain with students my own age to give me time for the social development I craved. As I prepared to embark on my first exposure to the crowds, rules and regulations of one of the largest high schools in North America, my co-op classmates fueled my blossoming fear. “You’ll get beat up if you ever go to public school,” they said. They were wrong.

I discovered my love for theatre within the wall of the Woodlands High School. On the stage, I could be anyone. I could channel my hyperactivity and use my vast reserves of ceaseless energy to create characters that were larger than life. While preparing for my various roles, I was encouraged to research the societal conditions that governed the characters I was to portray. I immersed myself in the discovery of diverse lifestyles from feudal Japan for my role as ‘Malcolm’ in Shogun Macbeth to the 1930’s Spanish Civil War for my portrayal of ‘Bridegroom’ in Blood Wedding. I found myself fascinated by the disparate societies and their evolution. Overcoming the dire predictions of my homeschooled peers, I was awarded a merit scholarship by Young Arts Foundation and voted “Mr. Woodlands” by the high school student body, my new friends.

After high school I was accepted into an elite college to pursue vocal and theatrical training. After graduation from the Boston Conservatory of Music, I originated a role in an Off Broadway premier and performed professionally in regional theaters nationwide while continuing to volunteer in local homeless shelters. I visited 23 countries employed as a featured performer aboard a luxury cruise line and explored numerous and varied cities and cultures. Traveling provided me with glimpses into very different lifestyles and sparked my intrinsic curiosity. The insights gained on my travels sparked the intellectual fire that continues to drive my pursuit of higher learning. I desire to know more about the effect of our society on the world I experienced.

As technology advances exponentially and our society marches inevitably forward, we find ourselves a people on the brink of collective greatness. This solid foundation that gave rise to today’s civilization, riddled with setbacks, ugliness and beauty, is more than sound enough to propel us into a powerful but compassionate future. I have a responsibility to help shape and refine us and it begins with the study of law at XXX.

[Mzorina89]

I think you should answer more directly as to why you want to be a lawyer. Your opening paragraph should have a thesis statement with regards to what qualities you have that would make you a good lawyer. I hope I am understanding this correctly with regards to the question you need to answer. I wouls take out that quote at the beginning. Talk about your cultural perspective and how that would contribute to your desire to pursue law.

[brodhi]

I think you should answer more directly as to why you want to be a lawyer. Your opening paragraph should have a thesis statement with regards to what qualities you have that would make you a good lawyer. I hope I am understanding this correctly with regards to the question you need to answer. I wouls take out that quote at the beginning. Talk about your cultural perspective and how that would contribute to your desire to pursue law.

I did not want to contribute a cliche answer to this question. I decided to provide an anecdotal story in response, though your feedback is valuable either way.

The prompt stated:

"This is not only an opportunity to share more about yourself, but also an exercise in clear and concise writing.

Feel free to discuss items of interest from your personal, educational, or cultural background that distinguish you as a potential law student. You are also encouraged to discuss why you believe you will be a successful law student and lawyer, and your motivation for attending law school."

I hope this provides more clarity as to why I wrote the PS the way I did, although I will definitely consider a rewrite, as I wrote this statement in one sitting and knew it was not the final product .

Thank you for your response!

[Alive97]

I would also make it more tailored to law school and being a lawyer specifically, if you want to respond to that part of the prompt. My reading of that prompt is that such a discussion is encouraged but not necessarily required. You could probably keep a lot of the same content but tie it in to your desire to go to law school. As it stands, it seems like a much broader statement that you want to contribute to the evolution of society and engage in higher learning. That would be one route to take but keep in mind it is much broader than the prompt encourages (and, it could be argued, too idealistic).

Either way, I would say you have room to make it more concise as you do more drafts. For example, when you switch from being hyperactive to discovering theatre, it seems to be an abrupt change in subject that calls into the question the necessity of the former discussion. If you want to connect your theatre background to law school, then start your paper with theatre. If that is your main point, I would say the homeschooling and public school transition discussions are extraneous (unless there is a logical connection leading from those to theatre to law school, which would need to be made more explicit).

Hope that helps.

[brodhi]

I would also make it more tailored to law school and being a lawyer specifically, if you want to respond to that part of the prompt. My reading of that prompt is that such a discussion is encouraged but not necessarily required. You could probably keep a lot of the same content but tie it in to your desire to go to law school. As it stands, it seems like a much broader statement that you want to contribute to the evolution of society and engage in higher learning. That would be one route to take but keep in mind it is much broader than the prompt encourages (and, it could be argued, too idealistic).

Either way, I would say you have room to make it more concise as you do more drafts. For example, when you switch from being hyperactive to discovering theatre, it seems to be an abrupt change in subject that calls into the question the necessity of the former discussion. If you want to connect your theatre background to law school, then start your paper with theatre. If that is your main point, I would say the homeschooling and public school transition discussions are extraneous (unless there is a logical connection leading from those to theatre to law school, which would need to be made more explicit).

Hope that helps.

That is beyond helpful. Thank you so much for your contribution. I completely agree. This was a first draft and the input is invaluable.

Thank you for your time!