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Hey guys! This is my very rough attempt at a Yale essay. I have tried other topics and would love to know what you think about the topic, as well as suggestions for how to make it flow better and what to take out (it is 302 words right now). Thanks so much!

I skimmed it. Sounds a bit too informal for me (like when you ask a question or say "that's right,"). Consider revising that maybe?

Hth

Thank you!