Mail Carrier PS - Please Critique Forum

[marmadukeishere]

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[cbbinnyc]

I thought this was pretty well-written and, as somebody who doesn't really think about the mail very much, quite interesting. It's definitely too long. Unless a school explicitly says otherwise, it's a good idea to shoot for 2 pages double-spaced (right now this is at least 4 or 5 pages, maybe even 6). Shouldn't be hard to cut down, though. A lot of the stories don't really land: scraping your knee, the thing about the dogs, etc. Also, you are a little hyperbolic at times (your heart was "pounding" because you were afraid of getting caught in the rain?). I think you can spend a lot less time explaining the difficulties of the job - the strongest point, in my opinion, is when you talk about the people you work with (like Stacy), though I might leave out the "importance of education" section. I think it's a good subject to use to lead into your interest in labor and employment law, though I suppose the transition could be a little smoother.

Something to examine as you're taking another pass is what you want to express. You mention "strength, tenacity, and integrity." I don't know if that's your best bet. You often come across as "thoughtful" and "hard-working" in this essay and I think those might be better aspects to focus on ... also much more pertinent to law school where being thoughtful and a hard-worker are big assets.

[CanadianWolf]

This proposed law school personal statement is too long. You need to better define your theme & convey your message in a more concise manner. Once this is done, fashioning a suitable conclusion should be easy.

Your stated theme of strength, tenacity & integrity is too broad.