Post removed... Forum

Phoenix97 · Post by **Phoenix97** » Wed Oct 07, 2015 3:48 pm

Post removed...

lymenheimer · Post by **lymenheimer** » Fri Oct 09, 2015 3:54 pm

Phoenix97 wrote:Topic centered upon near death medical issues and domestic violence. May sound like a lot, but I think I tie together pretty well.

Thanks.

You don't seem to really grasp the concept of a personal statement. I would suggest you draft something longer and more applicable to you. Remember, "show, don't tell". Here, you are doing nothing but telling. Also, the "I think" makes you sound unsure. If you are to use similar language, make it affirmative rather than uncertain (ie. "May sound like a lot, but I tie together pretty well"). However, you may want to adjust the wording there because you are not specifying what, or to what, you tie pretty well (you tie well to yourself? you tie the topic together well? you tie your shoe laces pretty well? It is certainly unclear based on this statement). HTH

Phoenix97 · Post by **Phoenix97** » Fri Oct 09, 2015 7:08 pm

Post removed...

nlee10 · Post by **nlee10** » Fri Oct 09, 2015 7:25 pm

Medical emergencies and domestic violence are topics that could work well for a PS....but you need to at least provide a draft.

lymenheimer · Post by **lymenheimer** » Sat Oct 10, 2015 8:13 am

Phoenix97 wrote:
lymenheimer wrote:
Phoenix97 wrote:Topic centered upon near death medical issues and domestic violence. May sound like a lot, but I think I tie together pretty well.

Thanks.
You don't seem to really grasp the concept of a personal statement. I would suggest you draft something longer and more applicable to you. Remember, "show, don't tell". Here, you are doing nothing but telling. Also, the "I think" makes you sound unsure. If you are to use similar language, make it affirmative rather than uncertain (ie. "May sound like a lot, but I tie together pretty well"). However, you may want to adjust the wording there because you are not specifying what, or to what, you tie pretty well (you tie well to yourself? you tie the topic together well? you tie your shoe laces pretty well? It is certainly unclear based on this statement). HTH
*That awkward moment when you continue to get TLS notifications from the emotionally unbalanced person you have on your 'ignore list'*

*that awkward moment when you continue to feed the "emotionally unbalanced" person by saying stupid things and making yourself a target*

Phoenix97 · Post by **Phoenix97** » Sat Oct 10, 2015 12:27 pm

Post removed...

JazzyMac · Post by **JazzyMac** » Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:14 am

Phoenix97 wrote:
nlee10 wrote:Medical emergencies and domestic violence are topics that could work well for a PS....but you need to at least provide a draft.
I was a bit hesitant to post the full draft on a public forum due to the personal and sensitive subject matter and was hoping I could send to members through PM instead.

Open for biz. Shoot me a pm, no prob.

Monkey D Luffy · Post by **Monkey D Luffy** » Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:54 pm

I'm open to critique. Shoot me a PM.

Phoenix97 · Post by **Phoenix97** » Wed Oct 14, 2015 6:37 pm

Post removed...