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Remove second to last paragraph. Remove first sentence. Remove second sentence. Remove third sentence.

Do this and you will have a good start to editing your PS.

lymenheimer wrote:Remove second to last paragraph. Remove first sentence. Remove second sentence. Remove third sentence.

Do this and you will have a good start to editing your PS.

Thanks! Obviously this was very rough and I'm having trouble figuring out how to write it. Most of the PS I've read start out with some kind of dramatic story in the beginning, but they seem very distant and impersonal to me. I really want my passion for child welfare/advocacy to come across.

mjm1315 wrote:

lymenheimer wrote:Remove second to last paragraph. Remove first sentence. Remove second sentence. Remove third sentence.

Do this and you will have a good start to editing your PS.

Thanks! Obviously this was very rough and I'm having trouble figuring out how to write it. Most of the PS I've read start out with some kind of dramatic story in the beginning, but they seem very distant and impersonal to me. I really want my passion for child welfare/advocacy to come across.

Most of the stuff I suggested you remove is cliche/unnecessary/inapplicable. For instance, you want to be a lawyer, but you couldn't find a connection with poli-sci. Well poli-sci isn't necessarily related to law (though many people take that track). Also, if you don't find a connection when you get to law, then what? You gonna change your mind again? I'd also be careful about talking about your age and having a child. Not that seeming enthused is a bad idea, but some schools may inadvertently take those things into consideration when deciding on your application materials (ie. your focus on your child over school work, etc.) PSes can be personal, but you want to be careful to not get that personal. I didn't really read too much of it though tbh, so others may have a better feel for the flow and content. These are just the things that stuck out to me on a quick skim.

I'm not sure about the last paragraph... I mean, that doesn't say much about who you are/what you're passionate about, and it may be a waste of valuable real estate where you should explore those themes instead. Not sure if it's common to write a "Why UNC" essay, but the last paragraph would be better off in a supplement like that.

Edited for clarity.

I agree second to last paragraph sounds naiive and too colloquial. I'm pretty sure a few law schools have child advocacy programs right? Also just general advice definietly don't only apply to one college...you want as many options as possible even just as negotiation tools.

Take out the last sentence of the first paragraph its too casual. And also don't say the social workers job is nothing without the attorney I mean that's just not true and comes off harsh.

I think it's a good topic but it could improve by taking out the second to last paragraph and using that extra space to add substance.

vested wrote:I'm not sure about the last paragraph... I mean, that doesn't say much about who you are/what you're passionate about, and it may be a waste of valuable real estate where you should explore those themes instead. Not sure if it's common to write a "Why UNC" essay, but the last paragraph would be better off in a supplement like that.

Edited for clarity.

The PS for UNC has two topics, why you want to enter the legal profession and why UNC, they said combine or separate them so I combined it. Do you think I should have them as two separate essays?

cheesy145 wrote: And also don't say the social workers job is nothing without the attorney I mean that's just not true and comes off harsh.

That's my opinion as a social worker who has seen mine and my colleagues hard work in the field negated by having a bad attorney. It's actually the general consensus of most all social workers I've worked with in DSS. So much of our job involves court decisions.

lymenheimer wrote:Remove second to last paragraph. Remove first sentence. Remove second sentence. Remove third sentence.

Do this and you will have a good start to editing your PS.

This.

Saying that you are only applying to UNC won't help. It's perfectly fine to say that UNC is your first choice, but only applying to one law school is a bad idea. I'm trying to think of a case where it wouldn't be a bad idea, but I can't think of one. Even if you must stay in the area, there are several good law schools in the vicinity.

Otherwise, it's a good subject for a PS.

cbbinnyc wrote:

lymenheimer wrote:Remove second to last paragraph. Remove first sentence. Remove second sentence. Remove third sentence.

Do this and you will have a good start to editing your PS.

This.

Saying that you are only applying to UNC won't help. It's perfectly fine to say that UNC is your first choice, but only applying to one law school is a bad idea. I'm trying to think of a case where it wouldn't be a bad idea, but I can't think of one. Even if you must stay in the area, there are several good law schools in the vicinity.

Otherwise, it's a good subject for a PS.

Thanks for the advice! I have to stay in the area, and I don't think my scores are good enough for Duke, but I don't want to go to a 4th tier either (NC Central). Should I apply to those even with no intention of going? My thought process behind saying I am only applying there is to show my seriousness in attending- I've read they really value the "Why UNC?" part of the PS and it plays a significant role in acceptance. I've been told by admissions they hate generic PS that you send to every school.

mjm1315 wrote:

vested wrote:I'm not sure about the last paragraph... I mean, that doesn't say much about who you are/what you're passionate about, and it may be a waste of valuable real estate where you should explore those themes instead. Not sure if it's common to write a "Why UNC" essay, but the last paragraph would be better off in a supplement like that.

Edited for clarity.

The PS for UNC has two topics, why you want to enter the legal profession and why UNC, they said combine or separate them so I combined it. Do you think I should have them as two separate essays?

Okay, that makes sense. I just think you want to be careful that points about convenience, etc. which are arguably more trivial in nature, don't hold back your ability to write a stronger and more compelling PS.

mjm1315 wrote: Thanks for the advice! I have to stay in the area, and I don't think my scores are good enough for Duke, but I don't want to go to a 4th tier either (NC Central). Should I apply to those even with no intention of going? My thought process behind saying I am only applying there is to show my seriousness in attending- I've read they really value the "Why UNC?" part of the PS and it plays a significant role in acceptance. I've been told by admissions they hate generic PS that you send to every school.

You may have to stay in the area, but they won't know that unless you tell them. Hint: don't tell them. Apply to Emory, UGA, other UNC peer schools. Even if you don't plan on going, apply so you have the option to negotiate at least scholarships. If you tell them you're only applying to UNC, with that much dedication, they can get away with giving you no scholarship money and you'll pay full tuition. Just because admissions has told you that fact that they hate generic PSes, doesn't mean you should highlight it in your essay. All schools hate the generic essay. It doesn't mean it's a bad choice, just that you should attempt to make the PS personable to each school, or submit and additional essay to explain why that school.