Page 1 of 1
Deleted
Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:36 pm
by Anonymous User
Thank you for the feedback!
Re: 250 Teacher Inspired Me?
Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:47 pm
by Scalvert
I haven't read through any 250 word essay examples, so I'm not sure what they want you to convey (I didn't write one), but this seems fine.
Instead of "...but I also didn’t hate it," you might say "but neither did I hate it," or just delete "also." It sounds odd (maybe that's just me).
Re: 250 Teacher Inspired Me?
Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:07 pm
by rnoodles
Please don't take this harshly. I'm just tired so my writing might come of harsh, snarky, rude, etc. That's not my intention, OP.
Anyway, I honestly skimmed it. From what I read, I didn't think it was particularly strong for a Yale 250. I mean, your first sentence is all about how you're indifferent to school. Cool, I guess? So is a good majority of others, including possibly the readers of the 250. The next sentence is about AP classes in high school and how you followed your friends. I don't think you should write about AP classes in anything behind a college application. Most are a joke to be honest. I know it, you know it, they know it - you get the idea. Also, the whole following bit is a bad move. Yale is probably super selective, and they probably want world-changers or some unique, independent group of people. Saying you're a follower is pretty poor choice for any school, esp. HYS. Don't do that. Ever. No interview, no application, nothing. Then, you break into something about AP English or Lit in the next paragraph.
They read thousands of essays. This is an infamous component of their app. It could theoretically make or break you. Don't waste it.
Good luck, OP! Willing to review your new 250 if you PM it to me.
Edit: Just saw the Harry Potter reference, and I couldn't resist saying this: ALOHOMORA your mind bro/broette.
Re: 250 Teacher Inspired Me?
Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 7:33 pm
by Anonymous User
I should mention it's for Georgetown and the prompt was talk about a teacher that inspired you [250 limit optional essay]. Definitely not Yale

Re: 250 Teacher Inspired Me?
Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 7:48 pm
by rpupkin
Anonymous User wrote:I should mention it's for Georgetown and the prompt was talk about a teacher that inspired you [250 limit optional essay]. Definitely not Yale

If the essay is optional--and if what you offered here is the most inspirational story you have about a teacher--I would not bother to submit the essay.
Re: 250 Teacher Inspired Me?
Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 7:53 pm
by Scalvert
Anonymous User wrote:I should mention it's for Georgetown and the prompt was talk about a teacher that inspired you [250 limit optional essay]. Definitely not Yale

I did the "Fill the Box." After rethinking it, I wish I had answered one of the others. I'm certain most people put some pretty creative stuff in there. Mine wasn't.