C&F addendum -- please critique! Forum

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Anonymous User
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C&F addendum -- please critique!

Post by Anonymous User » Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:48 pm

DELETED
Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Sep 08, 2015 2:39 pm, edited 5 times in total.

debdeb2

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Re: C&F addendum -- please critique!

Post by debdeb2 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 4:04 pm

The last sentence could use a revision - go deeper on what you've learned, and/or remorse. "outlook on life" is non-specific; do what you can to provide at least one detail about how you've changed/grown. Could be the mediation board, or the community service, or just growing up in general.

"at-risk-youth" - I'm torn on that as well; I'm not familiar enough with mediation jargon to know if that is a standard description, or if it is something that might be perceived as defensive. I can tell you that it isn't necessary to include to get your point across, i.e. that you performed your service dutifully.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F addendum -- please critique!

Post by Anonymous User » Thu Sep 03, 2015 4:09 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Sep 08, 2015 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf

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Re: C&F addendum -- please critique!

Post by CanadianWolf » Fri Sep 04, 2015 4:00 pm

As written, your addendum is too long. Be brief & to the point.


CONSIDER:
At age 17, I was caught shoplifting. My case was sent to mediation. After shadowing a department store loss prevention officer, writing an essay & performing community service, my case was expunged.

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