Personal Statement Critique
Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 11:13 am
I am not applying until the C/O 2020 application cycle so this is a very rough draft but please be honest in your critique. K-JD with extensive internship experience in lobbying but would rather not focus on that in PS. As I mentioned I have more than a year to revise this so if you think I should take a totally different direction please let me know.
As I stood in the courtroom, I was focused on everything except the one thing I should have been focused on. Why is the judge staring at me so intently? Did my shirt get tighter around my neck? Is it normal for my heart to beat like this? I was having a panic attack, something that up until this moment I had never experienced before. “Counsel?” said the Judge, I focused back in. “Yes, your honor” I replied in a fragmented and skittish tone, “Are you going to proceed with your cross examination?” he asked, “Um… no cross examination your honor.” As soon as the words left my mouth I realized that I had just lost us the trial. As I walked back to my seat, I was met with a concerned look from my mother sitting in the gallery, two shocked co-counsels and a noticeably furious coach. I sat solemnly as closing arguments were delivered trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened. This was the first time I had a panic attack, and it was the result of high school mock trial.
After the trial had concluded, my coach berated me for forgetting my cross examination and blamed it on a lack of preparation. I could have told her that I had spent hours the night before practicing, I could have told her that I physically could not speak when I was in front of that courtroom, and I could have told her that I had a panic attack, but I didn’t. I was too embarrassed and I would have rather allowed my entire team to think I was a slacker than discover the truth.
I walked out of the courthouse that night, confused, defeated and wanting nothing to do with mock trial or anything that would make me relive the experience that I just had, but as I was leaving I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see the judge of the trial. A short elderly man with a stellar reputation as a lawyer in our small town, he was significantly less intimidating now then he was while sitting on the bench. I looked at him embarrassed and expecting generic advice about being prepared for trial and similar sentiments to those my coach had just expressed to me, but what he told me that night changed my life forever. “Everyone has anxiety sometimes, son” said the judge. I was shocked, while everyone else had assumed that I had simply forgotten my cross examination this man had somehow recognized my distress. He continued, “I’ve been practicing law for 30 years and still get nervous before every trial, but I stand up in court and do what I have to do because people are counting me. It doesn’t matter if it’s your client or your co-counsel, as a lawyer people are relying on you to perform and you have to do just that.” He shook my hand as I gave an appreciative thank you, and I left. On the bus ride home I thought about what the judge said, I wondered how adding the pressure of people counting on me would miraculously cure my anxiety, but I had to try something.
I convinced my coach to keep me on as an attorney for the next trial and a week later I was in the same courtroom, in front of a different judge. “Cross examination?” the judge asked me. “Yes, your honor.” As I was entering the well, I looked at my co-counsels, I looked at my coach, and I looked at the rest of my team sitting in the gallery knowing they were counting me, and I needed to perform for them. I proceeded to give the first cross examination of my mock trial career, I spoke far too quickly, asked objectionable questions, and even forgot a key point or two, but I had overcome my anxiety by simply realizing that people were counting on me.
My public speaking anxiety has never fully departed, but the more that people relied on me, the more adept I became at overcoming it. When I entered the MY COLLEGE I continued with mock trial and built a support network of coaches and teammates that transformed me from a 17-year-old with anxiety issues too severe to deliver an effective cross examination, to a top ranked mock trial attorney competing on a national collegiate level. My trial advocacy experience eventually led me to become a Defender at my university’s DEFENDERS OFFICE. I was tasked with advocating on behalf of individuals charged with academic misconduct, and similarly to mock trial, people were counting on me, not to win a trophy or to propel a team to the next level of competition, but in order to protect their academic livelihood. In my personal life, I developed people that were counting on me as well. Through my work as a mentor and mock trial coach at a local high school, I was able to make a lasting impact on young students’ lives, and it is for this reason that I consider my work at LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL an experience that I will value for the rest of my life.
From the students I mentored, to my mock trial teammates, and my peers that I represented at the Student Legal Aid Office, I have learned that when others are counting me, I have the ability to accomplish more than I had ever thought possible. It is for this reason that I am choosing to pursue a career as an attorney, and by doing so, become an advocate for those that truly need someone to count on. I believe that attending XYZ LAW SCHOOL will give me the opportunity to develop the skills necessary to do just that.
As I stood in the courtroom, I was focused on everything except the one thing I should have been focused on. Why is the judge staring at me so intently? Did my shirt get tighter around my neck? Is it normal for my heart to beat like this? I was having a panic attack, something that up until this moment I had never experienced before. “Counsel?” said the Judge, I focused back in. “Yes, your honor” I replied in a fragmented and skittish tone, “Are you going to proceed with your cross examination?” he asked, “Um… no cross examination your honor.” As soon as the words left my mouth I realized that I had just lost us the trial. As I walked back to my seat, I was met with a concerned look from my mother sitting in the gallery, two shocked co-counsels and a noticeably furious coach. I sat solemnly as closing arguments were delivered trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened. This was the first time I had a panic attack, and it was the result of high school mock trial.
After the trial had concluded, my coach berated me for forgetting my cross examination and blamed it on a lack of preparation. I could have told her that I had spent hours the night before practicing, I could have told her that I physically could not speak when I was in front of that courtroom, and I could have told her that I had a panic attack, but I didn’t. I was too embarrassed and I would have rather allowed my entire team to think I was a slacker than discover the truth.
I walked out of the courthouse that night, confused, defeated and wanting nothing to do with mock trial or anything that would make me relive the experience that I just had, but as I was leaving I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see the judge of the trial. A short elderly man with a stellar reputation as a lawyer in our small town, he was significantly less intimidating now then he was while sitting on the bench. I looked at him embarrassed and expecting generic advice about being prepared for trial and similar sentiments to those my coach had just expressed to me, but what he told me that night changed my life forever. “Everyone has anxiety sometimes, son” said the judge. I was shocked, while everyone else had assumed that I had simply forgotten my cross examination this man had somehow recognized my distress. He continued, “I’ve been practicing law for 30 years and still get nervous before every trial, but I stand up in court and do what I have to do because people are counting me. It doesn’t matter if it’s your client or your co-counsel, as a lawyer people are relying on you to perform and you have to do just that.” He shook my hand as I gave an appreciative thank you, and I left. On the bus ride home I thought about what the judge said, I wondered how adding the pressure of people counting on me would miraculously cure my anxiety, but I had to try something.
I convinced my coach to keep me on as an attorney for the next trial and a week later I was in the same courtroom, in front of a different judge. “Cross examination?” the judge asked me. “Yes, your honor.” As I was entering the well, I looked at my co-counsels, I looked at my coach, and I looked at the rest of my team sitting in the gallery knowing they were counting me, and I needed to perform for them. I proceeded to give the first cross examination of my mock trial career, I spoke far too quickly, asked objectionable questions, and even forgot a key point or two, but I had overcome my anxiety by simply realizing that people were counting on me.
My public speaking anxiety has never fully departed, but the more that people relied on me, the more adept I became at overcoming it. When I entered the MY COLLEGE I continued with mock trial and built a support network of coaches and teammates that transformed me from a 17-year-old with anxiety issues too severe to deliver an effective cross examination, to a top ranked mock trial attorney competing on a national collegiate level. My trial advocacy experience eventually led me to become a Defender at my university’s DEFENDERS OFFICE. I was tasked with advocating on behalf of individuals charged with academic misconduct, and similarly to mock trial, people were counting on me, not to win a trophy or to propel a team to the next level of competition, but in order to protect their academic livelihood. In my personal life, I developed people that were counting on me as well. Through my work as a mentor and mock trial coach at a local high school, I was able to make a lasting impact on young students’ lives, and it is for this reason that I consider my work at LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL an experience that I will value for the rest of my life.
From the students I mentored, to my mock trial teammates, and my peers that I represented at the Student Legal Aid Office, I have learned that when others are counting me, I have the ability to accomplish more than I had ever thought possible. It is for this reason that I am choosing to pursue a career as an attorney, and by doing so, become an advocate for those that truly need someone to count on. I believe that attending XYZ LAW SCHOOL will give me the opportunity to develop the skills necessary to do just that.