Page 1 of 1
Personal Statement Draft
Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 11:20 pm
by Anonymous User
Thank you all for the feedback!
_______________________
Re: Personal Statement Draft
Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 12:51 am
by Scalvert
You write well, but this (the first half, especially) seems to be explaining politics and mediation. I think AdComms need to see good writing skills and intelligence, but they also need to learn something about who you are. I think it doesn't have enough "you" in it.
Re: Personal Statement Draft
Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:05 am
by debdeb2
This essay swings a bit in tone - there are portions that are mechanical towards the end, but the originating conceit is an anonymous "hater," which introduces slang and the patina of drama. (I recommend reading your drafts aloud to yourself, or having someone read them to you. Listen to the language and take note as it swings from conversational to textbooky. Ears will catch tone swapping.)
I've seen successful essays that focus more on the writer's thought processes and beliefs, as opposed to a personal story, or an anecdote that opens into a wider discussion of an issue. The thing is, based on the construction, I think this essay is meant to be the latter: an anecdote that opens into a wider discussion.
There are a couple confounding factors here. The first is that the anecdote is drained of personality, because it is (mis) applied to everyone in the world. It's a sort of straw man you have created so you can aim questions at it. I'm not sure that you want to start the essay with an implied argument of "here is an example of how I am more thoughtful and curious than the entire world."
The second is that politics and the law come across as conflated concepts. I don't think that's your intention, but it is worth mentioning because this is something that law school adcomms see on a regular basis - someone who is thinking about politics, or considering going into politics, who believes that a law degree is a necessary requirement. Applicants can inadvertently argue that because they are political thinkers, they are a good fit for law school, but that argument isn't sound, unless your life goal is to serve as attorney general, or to sit on the Senate Judiciary Committee.
I've seen solid essays that are built around political thinking and ambitions, and the argument is typically nuanced by either emphasizing that the applicant wants to get super friendly with the Constitution, or by explaining that the club of politics one wants to access typically requires a law degree, either due to job description, or due to the upper echelons not giving a second look to someone who hasn't run the T-14 gauntlet.
The difficulty with this type of essay, and the reason that most will avoid it and go for the personal story route, is because a "thinker" essay will be reviewed much more harshly. If your writing is not solid, or your arguments are not sound, or your logic is faulty at any point, that will get picked apart. So while applicants with numbers identical to yours will be writing about the metaphorical equivalent of kittens, earning their metaphorical "awwws" from the adcomms, and gaining yes pile status through likeability, you'll be flogged for trying to make a complex argument in 750 words or less.
Which is to say - this is a risky route. It can be done, but it takes time. Typically you only want to take a risk in your essay if you are a bubble candidate and need to stand out. If your numbers are good for your application plan, don't give the adcomms a reason to doubt your chops. Just throw them red meat (aka a solid story that reflects your character). Best of luck, keep at this
Re: Personal Statement Draft
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2015 2:13 am
by Anonymous User
Thanks for the feedback! I did have a more "red meat" topic that I have now written - I just wanted to do the more challenging and vague topic first. I edited my original post to swap out to the new statement. Feel free to read this one as well.
Here's the original statement. (Note that I copied the last section)
“I hate politics.” Ironically, this refrain cuts across political lines. Everyone has thought about this or said it out loud. Of course, it’s usually just a generalized statement of discontent or a summary of a specific set of grievances against current events. Statements like this instantly prompt questions from me. How would you change it? Why do you believe in those policies? What experiences in your life have led you to that conclusion? Canvassing on the street is one way I’ve been able to experiment of my ability to quickly infer the answer to these questions and make an appeal based on that information. In a personal context or the mediation room, I’m able to allow the respondent to tell their story in full.
By the end of the conversation, I aim to help the hater of politics understand that what we call “politics” is just a term for how we interact with people - even if it’s filtered through an institution, organization, or government. It’s inevitable for impassioned disagreement to arise when people of varying dispositions come together and coexist; the process of identifying a problem, discussing the circumstances, and outlining a solution are healthy for a society. Unfortunately, there is rarely a catharsis through honest conversation, sharing of common ground, and the collaborative discovery of solutions.
I am guided by the principles of mediation, though the majority of the time, a negotiation is the method for finding an agreeable conclusion. Every negotiation is inherently political - and the client benefits from a deeper understanding of the personal values and circumstances motivating every party involved. The law can be explained as an extension of previous events similar to the ones at present - formed to expedite the resolution of discrete but similar sets of facts. The challenge that remains is communicating the legal resolution when parties are driven by emotion, common sense, social psychological pitfalls, tradition, a moral code, science, or popular opinion. The law’s complex history, interrelating contexts, and influence from prevailing social conditions allow me to give nuanced and meticulous explanations.
Though I find the law to be more interesting the more complicated it gets, I understand that it is decidedly the opposite for the vast majority of people. With careful humility, I naturally gravitate towards becoming a medium for broadening access to the legal system for underserved and under-resourced people. Lack of access to the law, as with politics, is more than just a material or economic detriment. It means an inability to engage fully with the world around them, emotional, social, and psychological turmoil, and barriers to structures that facilitate their community and human development. These negative outcomes persist not only because of disagreement with the outcome, but also a sense of unfairness in the process: feeling uninvited to a societal system that is actually, at its core, a interpersonal, human endeavour. With legal training, I can begin to build bridges between those who have been left behind and the means to make them whole again.
Re: Personal Statement Draft
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2015 2:56 am
by numb3r4
It may be because I've heard "I hate politics" so much throughout my life and I can relate to your topic, but I really enjoyed reading the PS in your comment! I do think it starts off a lot with sort of teaching the reader more than sharing information about you, but you tie it back to you in the end. I was personally engaged, but I'm sure people with less interest in politics might be able to give a more unbiased opinion! Good luck!