Advice
Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 5:52 pm
Hey all. I've written a quick first draft of my PS, and I'm excited to get a little criticism because I know there is a lot that could be improved.
3.75
158 (retake in December)
AA URM
D1 Football Player
Theme: Dealing with severe concussion history, football, looking towards the future, law school commitment
PERSONAL STATEMENT
It was sometime eight hours later when I finally took stock of my surroundings. The lights were bright, the bed was rigid, and the blurry faces of the people surrounding me slowly started to come into focus. The first two faces were unfamiliar, but the look of relief was evident despite me not recognizing who they were. Slowly and painfully I turned my head to the left and with a certain mixture of confusion and familiarity recognized the faces of the three people sitting to my side. The concerned face of my ever worrying mother, the smug look of satisfaction that I had grown accustomed to seeing draped across my fathers face, and a warm knowing smile from my athletic trainer all greeted my adjusting eyes warmly. Despite the circumstance, it was a rather pleasant moment; a moment that was cut short by the violent eruption of bile that spewed from my mouth seconds later. The next few moments, and even the next few days, went by in a blur of uncomfortable pressure and reassuring text messages to worrying friends, family members, and teammates. I have always been the type to enjoy the limelight and attention, but I felt differently this time. Not all topics are enjoyable to speak on, and four concussions in three years had taught me that the hard way.
My best friend’s mother’s jaw dropped in disbelief when I informed her that I had no intention on cutting short my collegiate football career after my recent 24 hour stint in the local hospital. I explained how I had no recollection of the moment that led to my concussion, how tears flowed uncontrollably down my face as if racing one another as waited in the emergency room lobby, how I fell into complete unresponsiveness as the nurses asked the most simple questions such as “What is your name?” or “When is your birthday?”. This sequence would play out verbatim a number of times in the following months with a number of different people in my life, but before that moment, the possibility of quitting had never even crossed my mind. How could I possibly give up on a lifetime passion of mine, especially if dictated by terms outside of my control? I had long since decided that I would be furthering my education and chasing my dream of one day becoming a lawyer, but playing football had made me into the man that I am today. I learned many of my values on friendship, leadership, loyalty, hard work, responsibility, and passion on and around the football field; I couldn’t bring myself to walk away from it, not just yet. Most importantly, football taught me to fight. Not how to throw punches, but to fight for those I care about, to fight for what I believe in, to fight for success, and to fight for my passions.
My blood boiled time and time again as people attempted to educate me on the risks of concussions, or tell me that I would be risking a bright and promising future by continuing to play, as if I was not already aware of what was at stake, battling with what my future would hold every single day. Of course I understood that there was more on the line than the game of football. Of course I understood that people had been left a fraction of their former selves at the hand of concussions. These were topics that we were all on the same page about. What these people did not know what how committed to my future I really was. Obsessively, I spent my days and nights researching law schools, then further into law firms, then further into how the field of law is impacting our society on numerous different levels. It hurt me to look at people who normally held me in high regard in terms of responsibility and intellect look at me as if I was displaying the opposite. They couldn’t understand how I viewed my then present reality of playing football as being vitally connected to my future in law school and in the real world.
I see in law many of the same things that drew me into the sport of football so many years ago as a young and innocent young boy, many of the same things that still captivate me to this day as a young and much less innocent young man; The sense of passion, the coordination of so many moving pieces, the sense of responsibility and accountability that come along with every move being made, and the need to overcome all obstacles placed in one’s way. With the end of my football career looming, I juggle most of my time between enjoying being a hardworking and successful division 1 athlete and enjoying researching and envisioning my future at law school and beyond. My mother enjoys how I spend my time now-a-days, claiming it only took a few hits to the head to put my life’s vision into focus.
3.75
158 (retake in December)
AA URM
D1 Football Player
Theme: Dealing with severe concussion history, football, looking towards the future, law school commitment
PERSONAL STATEMENT
It was sometime eight hours later when I finally took stock of my surroundings. The lights were bright, the bed was rigid, and the blurry faces of the people surrounding me slowly started to come into focus. The first two faces were unfamiliar, but the look of relief was evident despite me not recognizing who they were. Slowly and painfully I turned my head to the left and with a certain mixture of confusion and familiarity recognized the faces of the three people sitting to my side. The concerned face of my ever worrying mother, the smug look of satisfaction that I had grown accustomed to seeing draped across my fathers face, and a warm knowing smile from my athletic trainer all greeted my adjusting eyes warmly. Despite the circumstance, it was a rather pleasant moment; a moment that was cut short by the violent eruption of bile that spewed from my mouth seconds later. The next few moments, and even the next few days, went by in a blur of uncomfortable pressure and reassuring text messages to worrying friends, family members, and teammates. I have always been the type to enjoy the limelight and attention, but I felt differently this time. Not all topics are enjoyable to speak on, and four concussions in three years had taught me that the hard way.
My best friend’s mother’s jaw dropped in disbelief when I informed her that I had no intention on cutting short my collegiate football career after my recent 24 hour stint in the local hospital. I explained how I had no recollection of the moment that led to my concussion, how tears flowed uncontrollably down my face as if racing one another as waited in the emergency room lobby, how I fell into complete unresponsiveness as the nurses asked the most simple questions such as “What is your name?” or “When is your birthday?”. This sequence would play out verbatim a number of times in the following months with a number of different people in my life, but before that moment, the possibility of quitting had never even crossed my mind. How could I possibly give up on a lifetime passion of mine, especially if dictated by terms outside of my control? I had long since decided that I would be furthering my education and chasing my dream of one day becoming a lawyer, but playing football had made me into the man that I am today. I learned many of my values on friendship, leadership, loyalty, hard work, responsibility, and passion on and around the football field; I couldn’t bring myself to walk away from it, not just yet. Most importantly, football taught me to fight. Not how to throw punches, but to fight for those I care about, to fight for what I believe in, to fight for success, and to fight for my passions.
My blood boiled time and time again as people attempted to educate me on the risks of concussions, or tell me that I would be risking a bright and promising future by continuing to play, as if I was not already aware of what was at stake, battling with what my future would hold every single day. Of course I understood that there was more on the line than the game of football. Of course I understood that people had been left a fraction of their former selves at the hand of concussions. These were topics that we were all on the same page about. What these people did not know what how committed to my future I really was. Obsessively, I spent my days and nights researching law schools, then further into law firms, then further into how the field of law is impacting our society on numerous different levels. It hurt me to look at people who normally held me in high regard in terms of responsibility and intellect look at me as if I was displaying the opposite. They couldn’t understand how I viewed my then present reality of playing football as being vitally connected to my future in law school and in the real world.
I see in law many of the same things that drew me into the sport of football so many years ago as a young and innocent young boy, many of the same things that still captivate me to this day as a young and much less innocent young man; The sense of passion, the coordination of so many moving pieces, the sense of responsibility and accountability that come along with every move being made, and the need to overcome all obstacles placed in one’s way. With the end of my football career looming, I juggle most of my time between enjoying being a hardworking and successful division 1 athlete and enjoying researching and envisioning my future at law school and beyond. My mother enjoys how I spend my time now-a-days, claiming it only took a few hits to the head to put my life’s vision into focus.