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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:35 pm
by kjm1992
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Re: 3rd PS Draft
Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 4:23 pm
by CanadianWolf
Consider using "numerous" instead of "countless". I suspect that the patient & her family know exactly how many surgeries she has endured.
Great PS except for the final paragraph. This should be condensed into a single sentence, in my opinion.
Re: 3rd PS Draft
Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 5:54 pm
by Scalvert
I like it! I think you did an awesome job of narrowing the focus from your earlier draft.
Nit-picking here: would "all the bones" sound better than "every bone?"
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 7:41 pm
by kjm1992
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