Thanks! Deleted! Forum

numb3r4 · Post by **numb3r4** » Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:38 pm

Thank you all! You're feedback has been amazing and the next draft will hopefully knock your socks off. Or just impress you. Either would be fine with me.

urbanist11 · Post by **urbanist11** » Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:54 pm

Post removed.

numb3r4 · Post by **numb3r4** » Wed Aug 05, 2015 2:21 pm

Thank you! The general idea was to relay how much work I put into learning about things that I am genuinely interested in (thus politics and law). I'll work on establishing a better link!

barley · Post by **barley** » Wed Aug 05, 2015 11:44 pm

I agree with Urbanist that it sounds like you're applying for an MPP or something along those lines, rather than for law school. I also wonder if writing a personal statement that basically says "I work hard" is a bit bland. I'm certainly no expert, but it seems like a safe statement that won't hurt you, but I also can't see it helping you that much either.

With that said, I think it's quite well-written, and you do a good job of showing rather than telling!

Small grammar thing - it should be "capitol" building, not "capital".

Good luck!

urbanist11 · Post by **urbanist11** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:52 am

Post removed.

Bubbles 4 Life · Post by **Bubbles 4 Life** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 9:17 am

smile0751 · Post by **smile0751** » Thu Aug 06, 2015 9:30 am

A great improvement over the last draft. I'd listen to the above advice, but having read the first draft I just wanted to let you know your work paid off with a stronger story and message.