Applying Early decision. Please critique PS. Fold no punches
Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:51 pm
Guys, so far I've had a great experience using this forum. I have recently edited my personal statement; any opinions/critiques is greatly appreciated. Looking to apply to the top 10 this year, so Im aiming to make this statement as clean as possible.
See below for my statement:
In 2007, my parents took my brother and I from our home in the Commonwealth of Dominica to Barbados, to complete the final stage of a nearly ten-year process. Prior to entering the United States as a permanent resident, it is required that one attends an interview at the nearest U.S. immigration office. Barbados, located two islands south of the Commonwealth of Dominica, was our destination. To date, my parents’ decision to immigrate to the United States has provided me with innumerable opportunities within life--a majority of which I have yet to realize. However, the moment that our eligibility to relocate was nearly denied, has ingrained within my perspective, the ability of U.S. legislature to transcend geographic borders to provide opportunities to improve one’s quality of life.
At the immigration office, the problem stemmed from the fact that on two of her identification documents, my mother incorrectly listed her middle name as her first. Upon noticing the differing names, the interviewing officer immediately halted our interview. Of course, the appearance of two different names upon immigration documents stood as a red flag to the officer. In her best attempt to clarify, my mother explained that this mistake resulted from habit--for most of her life she has been addressed by her middle name rather than her first. Nonetheless, it was abundantly clear that the officer was unconvinced, to the extent that my family and I were removed from the line to await the director of the department. After a period of what felt like forty-five minutes, in actuality only ten, the director approached, and bluntly explained that this mistake could have delayed our entrance to the United States at least another four years. Thankfully, upon speaking with my parents, and understanding the honesty of this mistake, he granted our clearance to immigrate. In July of 2008, we entered the United States as permanent residents.
My experience at the immigration office has remained in the background of my perspective, both as a student, and as an immigrant. I must attribute its longevity to the fact that it forced me to confront the reality that in some manner, my ability to achieve in life could be limited. This possibility collided with the concept that was echoed throughout my childhood, that I could do anything that I set my mind to. The contrast personalized the reality that there are others whose ability to contribute to society on a larger scale, is limited by nothing more than the opportunity to learn.
The concept of education has garnered a new meaning for me, specifically because it is the only tool that I have at my disposal to improve my socioeconomic status. In my experience, entering a new country with limited funds, and a very small familial support system requires one to rely on their intellect, and a proof of such in order to progress. My parents provided the most impactful example; lacking the officiated document stating a major and a graduation date, their opportunities for employment were severely limited. Upon entering the United States, we transitioned from the middle, to the lower economic bracket--we qualified for low-income housing. However, there was a point to this transition, to create an opportunity for my brother and I that would allow us to achieve more in life than either of my parents. Being a direct beneficiary of an opportunity that someone else has created, has necessitated a period of self-reflection on my part. It is now my belief that by obtaining the means to improve the access to education on a global scale, I will be able contribute to the improvement of society in manner that will grant others the ability to continue to do so.
Initially, I entered college with the idea of becoming an attorney. I took the classes that centered upon legal topics, I attended the seminars, and originally thought I had a thorough understanding of the profession, and my reasons for pursuit. However, during my senior year of college, I became a citizen of the United States. The ‘outside looking in’ perspective that I once held began to dissipate. The conference of this status has cemented my understanding that my actions contribute to the functioning of society. I desire to study corporate legislation because it provides the knowledge required to effectively interact with the larger economic bodies of the state. I aim to employ these bodies to direct attention to the sectors of society that lack essential socio-economic amenities.
I believe that in order to institute, and to apply legislature, one must have an understanding of how it may impact even the smallest niches within society. Coming from a significantly smaller country has granted me the perspective of seeing the socioeconomic demarcations within society on a much more concentrated scale. It is by coupling this perspective with my experience within the U.S. as an immigrant, that I have gained a glimpse of the effect of legislative policies upon those in the lower economic brackets. I believe that this perspective will supply an understanding of society that will support, and improve class discussion at (INSERT SCHOOL NAME HERE).
See below for my statement:
In 2007, my parents took my brother and I from our home in the Commonwealth of Dominica to Barbados, to complete the final stage of a nearly ten-year process. Prior to entering the United States as a permanent resident, it is required that one attends an interview at the nearest U.S. immigration office. Barbados, located two islands south of the Commonwealth of Dominica, was our destination. To date, my parents’ decision to immigrate to the United States has provided me with innumerable opportunities within life--a majority of which I have yet to realize. However, the moment that our eligibility to relocate was nearly denied, has ingrained within my perspective, the ability of U.S. legislature to transcend geographic borders to provide opportunities to improve one’s quality of life.
At the immigration office, the problem stemmed from the fact that on two of her identification documents, my mother incorrectly listed her middle name as her first. Upon noticing the differing names, the interviewing officer immediately halted our interview. Of course, the appearance of two different names upon immigration documents stood as a red flag to the officer. In her best attempt to clarify, my mother explained that this mistake resulted from habit--for most of her life she has been addressed by her middle name rather than her first. Nonetheless, it was abundantly clear that the officer was unconvinced, to the extent that my family and I were removed from the line to await the director of the department. After a period of what felt like forty-five minutes, in actuality only ten, the director approached, and bluntly explained that this mistake could have delayed our entrance to the United States at least another four years. Thankfully, upon speaking with my parents, and understanding the honesty of this mistake, he granted our clearance to immigrate. In July of 2008, we entered the United States as permanent residents.
My experience at the immigration office has remained in the background of my perspective, both as a student, and as an immigrant. I must attribute its longevity to the fact that it forced me to confront the reality that in some manner, my ability to achieve in life could be limited. This possibility collided with the concept that was echoed throughout my childhood, that I could do anything that I set my mind to. The contrast personalized the reality that there are others whose ability to contribute to society on a larger scale, is limited by nothing more than the opportunity to learn.
The concept of education has garnered a new meaning for me, specifically because it is the only tool that I have at my disposal to improve my socioeconomic status. In my experience, entering a new country with limited funds, and a very small familial support system requires one to rely on their intellect, and a proof of such in order to progress. My parents provided the most impactful example; lacking the officiated document stating a major and a graduation date, their opportunities for employment were severely limited. Upon entering the United States, we transitioned from the middle, to the lower economic bracket--we qualified for low-income housing. However, there was a point to this transition, to create an opportunity for my brother and I that would allow us to achieve more in life than either of my parents. Being a direct beneficiary of an opportunity that someone else has created, has necessitated a period of self-reflection on my part. It is now my belief that by obtaining the means to improve the access to education on a global scale, I will be able contribute to the improvement of society in manner that will grant others the ability to continue to do so.
Initially, I entered college with the idea of becoming an attorney. I took the classes that centered upon legal topics, I attended the seminars, and originally thought I had a thorough understanding of the profession, and my reasons for pursuit. However, during my senior year of college, I became a citizen of the United States. The ‘outside looking in’ perspective that I once held began to dissipate. The conference of this status has cemented my understanding that my actions contribute to the functioning of society. I desire to study corporate legislation because it provides the knowledge required to effectively interact with the larger economic bodies of the state. I aim to employ these bodies to direct attention to the sectors of society that lack essential socio-economic amenities.
I believe that in order to institute, and to apply legislature, one must have an understanding of how it may impact even the smallest niches within society. Coming from a significantly smaller country has granted me the perspective of seeing the socioeconomic demarcations within society on a much more concentrated scale. It is by coupling this perspective with my experience within the U.S. as an immigrant, that I have gained a glimpse of the effect of legislative policies upon those in the lower economic brackets. I believe that this perspective will supply an understanding of society that will support, and improve class discussion at (INSERT SCHOOL NAME HERE).
