Brutal PS feedback needed
Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 1:27 pm
.
Top Law Schools
Law School Discussion Forums
https://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/
Brutal PS feedback needed Forum
https://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=242906
Page 1 of 1
Re: Brutal PS feedback needed
Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 3:18 pm
.
Re: Brutal PS feedback needed
Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 2:42 pm
. 
Re: Brutal PS feedback needed
Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 4:11 pm
Hey,
You have quite an interesting PS. I agree with a previous poster that it has good narrative quality. I am sorry for your loses. You seem to have experienced quite a bit. I just have a few suggestions.
I would remove the rhetorical questions in the second paragraph -- "why do people murder?" "how can they live..." These don't add much to the narrative.
I would find a different way to say "murderers should pay for their crimes." This is cliche and not exactly in the "spirit" of the law.
Keep in mind that you say in your PS that "the man" accused for harming your husband's colleagues is part of an on-going case. You then proceed to hold him responsible for these crimes. You essentially convict a man who hasn't been convicted yet. Isn't he innocent until proven guilty?
"Law is but the means, justice is the end." -- Georgetown University Law Center Motto.
This is essentially the "spirit" of law. However, your PS seems to read "law is the means and the punishment criminals is the end." I hope this isn't what you intended to say, but that is how I read it. Your goal in becoming a lawyer shouldn't be to punish murderers for their atrocities. Perhaps you should take a more measured approach when you consider how you feel about the accused and the convicted. Maybe you are more interested in seeing these people rehabilitated rather than strictly punished.
"I want to study law to join the fight between right and wrong... I plan to fight for justice and against injustice." This is very cliche. I don't doubt your sincerity, but this comes across a bit immature IMO. Maybe just focus on how you want to make a concrete difference in your community.
I do think that you offer interesting insight in your PS, but I think it lacks any concrete information about your strong qualities. You should use your PS to show the skills that you have (which aren't reflected in your resume) that will make you a successful law student/lawyer (i.e. leadership, work ethic, etc.). As it stands, your PS tells an adcomm about your background/upbrining but does not say much about your qualities.
Just my two cents. Good luck with your applications!
You have quite an interesting PS. I agree with a previous poster that it has good narrative quality. I am sorry for your loses. You seem to have experienced quite a bit. I just have a few suggestions.
I would remove the rhetorical questions in the second paragraph -- "why do people murder?" "how can they live..." These don't add much to the narrative.
I would find a different way to say "murderers should pay for their crimes." This is cliche and not exactly in the "spirit" of the law.
Keep in mind that you say in your PS that "the man" accused for harming your husband's colleagues is part of an on-going case. You then proceed to hold him responsible for these crimes. You essentially convict a man who hasn't been convicted yet. Isn't he innocent until proven guilty?
"Law is but the means, justice is the end." -- Georgetown University Law Center Motto.
This is essentially the "spirit" of law. However, your PS seems to read "law is the means and the punishment criminals is the end." I hope this isn't what you intended to say, but that is how I read it. Your goal in becoming a lawyer shouldn't be to punish murderers for their atrocities. Perhaps you should take a more measured approach when you consider how you feel about the accused and the convicted. Maybe you are more interested in seeing these people rehabilitated rather than strictly punished.
"I want to study law to join the fight between right and wrong... I plan to fight for justice and against injustice." This is very cliche. I don't doubt your sincerity, but this comes across a bit immature IMO. Maybe just focus on how you want to make a concrete difference in your community.
I do think that you offer interesting insight in your PS, but I think it lacks any concrete information about your strong qualities. You should use your PS to show the skills that you have (which aren't reflected in your resume) that will make you a successful law student/lawyer (i.e. leadership, work ethic, etc.). As it stands, your PS tells an adcomm about your background/upbrining but does not say much about your qualities.
Just my two cents. Good luck with your applications!